to ask for a definition of load parenting, I am afraid I may be guilty of it.

[honeytea]

Newish to motherhood (ds 4.5 months) I was wondering what load parenting means.

I sing lots to ds because sometimes it is the only way to avoid him screaming I chat to him lots and as a last ditch resort I have an app on my phone that plays classical music which always stops ds crying when we are out shopping.

All of these are load activities, does that mean I am load parenting and if so is it a terrible thing to do?

I think some people are getting a bit confused - loud parenting doesn't refer to actually being loud i.e. singing/shouting at your children in public. It's about stealth boasting, i.e. making sure everyone around you knows how clever/advanced/middle class your child is, like the examples given by Cloverer!

I think load parenting could be carrying unnecessary objects like a 17 different types of vegetable in little pots incase the child fancied some asparagus rather than carrot sticks. Or maybe parents who use slings for an extended amount of time.

Yes, loud parenting isn't about what you are saying, but why you are saying it.

For example, a mother talking to her 5 year old:

"I'm so sorry, Sebastian. We can't possibly fit in a play date with Arthur this week because Mummy is still catching up with the washing from our short break in Italy over the weekend, you have your fencing club today and then, of course, you are competing at the chess championship on Wednesday."

I don't stealth boast, there would be little point, no one would be impressed. I am a loud gobby shite though

One of my children does go fencing though and is the school chess champion.

Loud parenting always done for the benefit of the audience.

Loud parent "Look Crispin, that sign is in French shall we translate it together" when there's a sign written in English directly beneath.

But maybe they have been learning French and they like having a go at translating. My eldes son is maths mad, we spent years doing sums in the supermarket, on the train etc. I had to do that out loud because he cannot mind read, Apparantly that coupled with my foghorn voice makes me a twat.

1. Talking and singing to your child (even if audible to others) is just parenting

E.g. "Look Alfie. A green frog! Frogs say 'ribbitt"

Perfectly fine.

1. Talking to your child with the sole purpose of letting others know how amazing you / your offspring / your lifestyle is is loud parenting>

E.g. "Look Alfie. A green frog. It's the exact green of Farrow and Ball paint in the kitchen of our second home in Tuscany. You eat frogs don't you? When we were in Monaco you ate frogs legs with an organic aioli and a pomegranate jus. You can say frog in 7 languages can't you Alfie? Tell mummy, what is frog in French?"

Loud parenting and fecking annoying.

I am enjoying the thought of load parenting. So much so that I insisted DS carry the basket in Sainsbury's yesterday. I felt it was his turn to carry the load. He is a big strapping boy of 13 and the load was not too heavy.

Well if the beret fits Arisbottle

I am a loud parent :( I get insecure, loud parent Tarquina until she counts to three in Japanese, feel a temporary satisfaction at other parents unenthusiastic responses then feel low self esteem because of my need to loud parent. Its a vicious cycle. :o

Never heard of load parenting.

Aris have you tried maybe not talking in a foghorn voice?

I get that you need to be loud if you're corralling several children at once but unless your child has hearing issues can you not just converse at normal volume when it's one on one?

I know you're not playing for the audience so to speak so technically don't fit the "loud parenting" profile but if you are aware your voice is very loud why not just talk more quietly?

Crispin is my brother's name. As somebody on here will vouch, he's known as Cris or Crispy! I strongly suspect the she witch from hell known as our mother spent the late fifties and early sixties loud parenting, in fact she may well have been the start of it!

It depends OP. If you're walking along asking your child if they'd prefer Bach or Beethoven, then you may be guilty of loud parenting!

Otherwise, you sound fine.

Oh god, I sometimes catch myself.

NOT I assure you doing the Tarquin / Tuscany / 'That's right darling she looks JUST like the lady in the picture by Vermeer'-type.

More the 'Do you want a red one or a green one? Angel? A red one or a green one? A RED ONE OR A GREEN ONE?' in growing volume and level of impatience.

In my defence DD is pretty speedy, and I can't always be bothered to run her to ground to talk to her.

I've often worried I am this parent but now reassured as it seems to be different. i do sing to dd (now 2.5) a lot as she loves it and joins in but I am aware that a) I can't really sing at all and b) at some point she's going to realize her mum is odd as singing and sometimes a little dance in public is not really normal...:)

Love the loud (and load) parenting descriptions.

But NannyOgg sometimes singing Wheels on the Bus (with actions) is the only way to prevent delay certain meltdown which would surely be far more annoying?

I sing and talk to DS almost constantly, he's only 6mo so he can't answer. I can't seem to help it but it's definitely not for the benefit of passing strangers. It's more embarrassing when I realise I'm actually out alone.

Randall I just have one of those voice that carries and I suspect I am very common, but now that you have suggested lowering my voice I wil try it.

I think it sounds worse because I live somewhere quite posh ( by my standards) and yet have retained my accent from my childhood, so even if I did not have a voice that carries I would stand out.

Aristotle, the key is, does everyone know that your DS does fencing and is the chess champion because 'word has got around' or because you've made damn well sure they know by announcing it at every opportunity by 'talking' with your DS in front of people?

I loud parent. Deliberately. DD1 has SN, but her SN are not physical. She can seem like a tantrumming toddler (at the age of 7 ). If we are somewhere very public and she goes into meltdown, I will say something to her that is very specifically worded, to let people around me wind their necks in know that there is a reason for her behaviour.

Something like:

'DD1, stop that now. You've done really well to cope with x, but we can't get back the car any faster just because you've had enough. Needing extra help isn't an excuse for screaming.'

Code for: 'Yes she's big. Yes she's in a buggy. She's got SN. Yes she's screaming. She's had enough. Yes, I'm taking her home now. No, I'm not oblivious to it.'

Ah, if they've got regional accent snobbery then fuck 'em!
Shout as much as possible, snobs are way worse than shouters

I fell backwards off the door step and bashed the back of my head trying to help by carrying two shopping bags from the car into the house when I was 4.

Load parenting is bad m'kay?

Surely it's a sliding scale Waffly? Ok so I'm a bit defensive because I load parent

It all began when I had PGP when pregnant with DS and made my DSSs take it in turns to carry the bag to the park. Most recently I asked DM to buy them bags for their Birthdays and they'll only be allowed to take on holiday the toys that they can physically carry.

Yet another patenting crime I'm guilty of. Will it ever end?

Is it always showing off or is some of it thinking out loud so you don't chew your own arm off with boredom/at saying the same things over again? Someone up thread has an example about ducks: I was at the park this morning with DS, looking at a pair of very exotic ducks. I said something like, "Oh look at those funny ducks, I think they might be mandarin ducks", which might have sounded like pretentious parenting to some people. But I can't bear to converse all the time on the "Look! Ducks!" level. Talking slightly above DS's level keeps my brain if not engaged at least somewhere in the neighbourhood.

(DS looked and said "Chickens!" enthusiastically, so I've clearly got some way to go on the Loud Parenting front.)