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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the one being unreasonable or am I really desperate and needy?

14 replies

CherryMeg · 04/05/2013 18:17

(Sorry I have nc for this)

Last year I dated someone for 6 months, I then had to move away for work and we broke up, and I dated someone else.

Anyway when I got back we met up and we both realised things had changed and I can't say for definite for him but for me I knew that I didn't want to be with him again.

We kept meeting up now and again as friends. Then life got in the way and a couple of months went by and we'd only really text each other. I asked to meet up and we went for a drink and he told me he had just started seeing someone. I was happy for him and decided to back off and not see him as regularly as I had done before.

I found out again that I am having to relocate for work (moving to Australia for a year!) in June - so having a busy month. Met up with one of my best friends, who lives near to my ex and she said that they had bumped into each other and he had asked about me.

I wasn't quite sure what to make of it but thought it was quite nice and thought it'd be quite nice to have a catch up I left for a year. So I text him and he replied (nicely) that he would have to let me know. I didn't text back and just assumed if he wanted to then he would let me know.

Today I wake up to quite a nasty message on my FB inbox from his current girlfriend, basically calling me desperate and that I need to move on and she feels sorry for me.

I've never met this woman and just feel a bit shocked I guess. If I had met up with him it would have been as friends regardless of whether he was single or with someone. I don't want to be with him, but I do miss his friendship.

I haven't responded to her or been in contact with him at all since.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 18:21

I wouldn't respond to her at all.

Some women cant accept the idea of platonic relationships.

Although if I were a bitch I might text him before I left, with a screen shot of her message, wishing him good luck!

MagratOfStolat · 04/05/2013 18:22

Either she is an utter loony or he isn't being forthcoming with the truth, and is fudging certain details to "big up" his ego.

Either way, send back a polite message saying "I apologise, didn't mean to cause offence - I was under the impression that we had separated amicably and we were still friends. Won't bother you again." and then leave it.

If your friendship matters, he'll have to contact you and so therefore there can be no "agenda" on your side.

Lambzig · 04/05/2013 18:24

How horrible for you, how nasty. How desperate and needy of his GF to 'warn you off' if you ask me. I feel sorry for her that she needs to reply like that.

I think forget about it, don't reply, go off to your adventure in Australia and don't worry about it.

SoleSource · 04/05/2013 18:26

Hmmm my reckoning is that he has told his new girlfriend you wanted him more than he wanted you. His ego has taken over and he has lied.

Do the screen shot thing and leave it open

Original poster
CherryMeg · 04/05/2013 18:27

I don't know if she's just quite a jealous person ... not of me and my amazing good looks haha.

But my friend said she's bumped into him before when his girlfriend was there and he chatted to her (just general chat, how are you etc) and my friend said she was stood there looking really pissed off

OP posts:
SoleSource · 04/05/2013 18:27

*the door open

JohnSnowsTie · 04/05/2013 18:30

Do what Holly suggests. Grin

mamaggie · 04/05/2013 18:47

Sounds like the bloke has exaggerated his relationship with you, and has made out to the new girlfriend that you were desperate to rekindle things, thus making himself seem like some kind of desirable super-Adonis. Bless him.

samandi · 04/05/2013 18:53

I'd send him the GF's message saying that you don't want any further contact in these circumstances and aren't interested in the drama. Then cut off Facebook, blocking them both, and cut off other contact. He may be a nice guy but life really is too short for these kind of pathetic dramas.

SirChenjin · 04/05/2013 18:59

Agree with Samandi. How old are these people??

Original poster
CherryMeg · 04/05/2013 19:05

Not sure how old she is, 24? He is 26.

Thanks everyone for being lovely btw.

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 04/05/2013 19:07

It says more about their relationship than yours.
And she's not necessarily a loon, I might be pissed off in that situation.
It suggests to me that your ex is possibly not a very nice person (and/or still holds a candle for you) and you are well out of it
Ignore, rise above and decline any invitations

thebody · 04/05/2013 19:07

Agree with sole.

redexpat · 04/05/2013 20:35

Agree with Holly and samandi

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