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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to do activities and meet people - but I'm 51 so should be joining the WI and flowering arranging, apparently.

46 replies

Pamboughtalamb · 04/05/2013 09:14

Recently out of a l/t relationship - DCs flown - and want to have some fun. Not normally a group person and not been particularly energetic in the past and a bit shy, but now just want to get out there and do things.

Had a look on the boards at the library and at the local sports centre but everything where I might meet people seems geared to much younger people or those with children. I don't just want to go swimming on my own. Tried a walking group and the people were lovely, but mostly in their 70s and 80s.

The lady at the library said most people "like you" Hmm bake a few cake at the WI or join the flower arranging class. Then she whispered, "There's not much excitement to be had at our age, is there?" Sad

AIBU to want an alternative to cakes and flowers?

OP posts:
BIWI · 04/05/2013 09:19
Grin

Well I'm 53 and don't do any of that! Have you checked out your Mumsnet Local board to see if there are any meet-ups in the near future? Or, perhaps you could organise one?

How about classes at your local gym? I know you'd have to go on your own, but it's a chance to meet other people who are also there - a wide range of ages at the gyms I have been to.

tallwivglasses · 04/05/2013 09:20

What sort of things are you interested in? I've said it before here but the local feminists group has been a lifeline for me - they're lovely and all ages! There's lots of environmental stuff going on round my way as well, and arts groups, etc looking for volunteers. It's a shame I have to fit it all in around work!

edwardsmum11 · 04/05/2013 09:20

Better than me being invited to join women's group church. I am only 31 and most there are 60/70 plus.

ArlingtonStringham · 04/05/2013 09:21

My mum is in the same situation/stage of life to you (actually a bit older) and does yoga, is a member of a 'singing circle' and goes on singing weekends away with them, did African drumming classes for a while and also went on a Patagonian walking holiday!!! She also goes to India on yoga holidays. Not a jam or a flower arrangement in sight!

Kyrptonite · 04/05/2013 09:22

My mums your age and has done pole dancing, belly dancing and Zumba Grin

AnythingNotEverything · 04/05/2013 09:23

My mum joined U3A - I think they're nationwide, and have lots of talks and interesting trips. She joined at about 60, and didn't feel out of place!

TartinaTiara · 04/05/2013 09:23

Well, you could join the WI - it's not all cakes and flower arranging - but what is is that you'd like to do? Perhaps you could find a group/class doing that, though you may need to do a bit of digging to find it. And I wouldn't just write off the groups that you think are for people younger than you, I'm around your age and only have one good friend older than me, most are five to twenty years younger. YABU to think you'd have nothing in common with them.

Have you tried looking for Meetup groups in your area? I know there are loads of them near me, catering for interests from cake making to cave diving, and pretty much all stops in between.

I know that it's hard to meet new people once you get a bit older, but am bit Sad at librarian's comment. There's no need to give up on life just because you're not twenty any more.

TheSecondComing · 04/05/2013 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caramelwaffle · 04/05/2013 09:29

As Biwi has said, you could try the Mumsnet Local boards.

Also I'll pm details of a website.

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 09:29

May I tell you what not to do? As I gaze at the usual Saturday morning uploads on FB from old friends who suddenly find themselves single.

Do not join an old school reunion group. Do not wear utterly age inappropriate clothing, paint yourself orange and go out with old school friends every week, get slaughtered in the pub and plaster pictures all over facebook with your legs akimbo over the pool table Grin

hoiks up judgy pants<

What do you like doing? Do you work? Most social life is through work.

LIZS · 04/05/2013 09:30

Local FE college or County Council may run adult education classes, walking groups such as Ramblers or local walking for health groups, join National Trust and go on local branch trips, WEA run courses in most areas , contact your local Volunteer bureau for opportunities.

HootShoot · 04/05/2013 09:30

I'm 35 and a member of the WI! My group is great, we don't do any flower arranging but we do eat bake a lot of cake. We have recently done Zumba, burlesque, chocolate tasting, wine tasting and have a regular pub quiz night. Each individual WI is very different depending on the members of that group although its not everyone's cup of tea.

FutureNannyOgg · 04/05/2013 09:32

My mother is 67 and relatively recently widowed. She joined a club for local retired singles. Recently they went to one of those treetop climbing places. She plays badminton and bridge too though.

Xiaoxiong · 04/05/2013 09:32

This won't help with friendships in your local area, but depending on your finances would you consider a trip abroad?

My mother isn't single, but wanted to go to Iran and joined a tour group led by two academics. She said it was full of interesting 40 and 50 somethings that were single or divorced and three(!) couples got together on the trip. She herself made some very good friends that she sees whenever she comes to the UK.

I guess that makes sense, they have the time and finances to do something like that and have common interests!

caramelwaffle · 04/05/2013 09:32

Oh. Can't find message poster on the phone.

It's Meetup.com

Join, or start any number of groups.

lemontwist · 04/05/2013 09:34

Wow HootShoot I want to join your WI. Not at all what I imagined. Did you just get lucky that your local group is pretty interesting?

redexpat · 04/05/2013 09:36

Volunteer? www.do-it.org.uk

Girl Guiding UK? You said you like fun activities!

Evening classes? Choir?

The thing is, you may have a few false starts, but you may also find that one group or activity will lead you to another group activity, or individuals whose company you enjoy.

If you have a facebook profile search for your town, then select groups and see what comes up.

Montybojangles · 04/05/2013 09:44

59to60.wordpress.com/2012/03/

A (vague) acquaintances blog. A woman I really admire. I wouldn't normally link a blog, but she is pretty fab.
She turned her life around and is an inspiration. This is her first blog. She started out rather over weight and doing a little exercise (before she started blogging). She is now incrediblly fit and very and involved in tons of stuff. I doubt she goes to the WI. I've linked you to her first blog, not her most recent as it has great pictures. It's just to say baking is not really your only option!

ZillionChocolate · 04/05/2013 09:45

My friend's WI group has plenty of women in their 20s and 30s.

HootShoot · 04/05/2013 09:46

One of my friends started it up within the last year lemontwist, so we can make it what we like. We are all a similar age and have similar interests so its just a case of doing things we enjoy. I think the WI is having a bit of a revival due to baking and crafting becoming a respectable hobby and there a quite a few new WI groups starting up which are different from the traditional WI, some even meet in their local pubs. There's a great one in Yorkshire called buns and roses - brilliant name!

amessagetoyouYoni · 04/05/2013 09:50

My mum is in he late sixties and I honestly do not know anyone with such a busy and varied social life, with not a bunch of flowers or jar of jam in sight Grin

She wouldnt be seen dead at the WI, no offence. She is very active in her local branch of a political party she supports. She campaigns for a pressure group. She is interested in astronomy, ancient history and art and has joined groups / evening classes associated with these and built up a good network of friends.She does an over 50s exercise class twice a week and has formed a book group with a couple of theother women from the class.

She is super proactve, too. If there is a film or play she wants to see she books two tickets and then finds someone who wants to come!

Good luck. You are way too young for Bridge and Bingo Grin

droitwichmummy · 04/05/2013 09:58

Another one in the WI and I'm 45. WE go to the theatre, pub, ghost walks and NEVER sing Jerusalem! You can do the traditional stuff but some of the newer groups don't. Have a look at their website. If you contact your local federation (area) they can tell you which groups are best for what you want to do.

Nanny0gg · 04/05/2013 10:30

A group of us have just joined the WI. It's great fun, and I'm a lousy cook and I can't sew to save my life!

Don't knock it till you've tried it.

(Oh, and I'm staggered at some of the attitudes/preconceptions on here too. Too young for Bridge? It's a hugely intellectual game. I'm desperate to learn. And the WI isn't just for old fogies either. One of their campaigns is for better midwifery services.
Some of you would be up in arms if such sweeping generalisations were made about you younger ones.)

Triumphoveradversity · 04/05/2013 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject · 04/05/2013 11:13

if there is a dinghy sailing club near you, give that a go - perfect time of year for a tryout. They are gender and age blind (you can learn to sail at any age). Doesn't need fitness and is an easy sport to start.

National Trust volunteering is another idea.

nothing wrong with the WI, but for those us who hate arts and crafts and being indoors it isn't ideal.