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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with DH for not feeding the baby the food I prepared

83 replies

finnbob · 03/05/2013 21:21

DH works away 4 weeks at a time so I am usually wrecked by the time he comes back as 8 month old wakes once a night every night.

I organised a day away for myself today, shopping, lunch, facial.

Left lunch and dinner in the fridge to be reheated for the baby. When I came home they were both still there. The baby hadn't had dinner yet but his lunch was still there too. So I was a bit pissed off and said what did he eat. He gave him a yoghurt, but not his baby one, a fruit corner. He said he forgot he was supposed to give him pasta.

I lost the plot then and threw the meals on the counter and said why did I bother making food for him if you can't be arsed to heat it and feed him. And I shouted a bit about not being able to have one day off.

He got stroppy and said he didn't realise what he was supposed to give him. I just thought I couldn't have made it any easier and that he obviously doesn't listen to a word I say. So he stormed off and I started crying. I did actually tell him many times about reheating the food and to give him a yoghurt after his pasta if he was hungry. I don't usually go away for day so I had told him everything I thought he'd need to know.

Days relaxation undone in 2 minutes lol! So do your worst, WABU to get in such a state!

OP posts:

ilovepicnmix · 03/05/2013 21:42

Yanbu. He should be doing all he can to ensure you relax and you won't be able to next time you leave your baby with him. I have to leave a timetable with my ex which is pretty poor I think.

Feckadeck · 03/05/2013 21:42

YANBU - what a knob. He didn't realise his child needed fed? Even if still having milk he would have needed his meals as well esp if you are trying to get him use to meal times etc. Not huge deal about the type of yoghurt though would annoy me too as those are crap as a one off it is okay but not bothering to give him any meals at all. Knob. You made it clear to him what was available it's not like he had to make anything fresh and you are with baby 4 weeks alone. I don't think one day off to have to yourself knowing baby is being cared for is too much to ask.

NikkiLaLa · 03/05/2013 21:43

YANBU at all I would be fuming! It's one day that you wanted to yourself, you should be able to have that without having to worry if he has fed the baby. He is lucky you didn't throw the food at him, I would have! My dh doesn't pay attention to anything and it drives me mental!

Holly it's not "a bloke she see's once every 4 weeks" it's her husband and the babies Dad..

Tantruminateacup · 03/05/2013 21:44

Sorry I think yabu but I know where you are coming from. My DH use to work away and I got used to doing things my own way it could be very annoying when he came home and my routine went out of the window. We had many arguments about it and in the end it started to spoil the time he was home so I had to learn to let go a little, So baby didn't have the planned lunch, nothing bad happened and the pasta will keep for tomorrow.Don't let it spoil your precious family time.

breatheslowly · 03/05/2013 21:45

I ways left written instructions for people unfamiliar with DD when she was a baby. You only have to write them once and they are good for a few months. It is great for peace of mind.

QuintessentialOHara · 03/05/2013 21:45

Most men are bloody effing useless.

Ikeameatballs · 03/05/2013 21:47

If your baby was crying with hunger when you got back then YANBU.

If not then YABU.

detoxlatte · 03/05/2013 21:48

Neither of you were BU.

Babies do this to you.

Best thing is to see the bright side: baby is fine, DH got a day with his child, you had a day off, baby's lunch for tomorrow is already cooked. Chill out with a glass of wine.

bonkersLFDT20 · 03/05/2013 21:49

It really depends on how things usually run at home whether YABU or not.
Is he the sort who needs (and prefers) to be told what to do or does he resent it, in a sort of "she can't trust me to even look after our own son for a day" way?
Did he know how important it was to you to feed your DS what you had prepared?
Did you have his blessing to go out for the day (I'm not saying you're not entitled to that time, just trying to work out how he was feeling)?

It's a delicate balance when you're the one used to running things and then hand it over to someone who jolly well should be capable of doing it.

If he's not used to being with your DS all day w/o you then you do need to let him find his own way but I can see that you'd want to know everything was running smoothly while you were out so you could relax.

Did you not have any idea that he would be like this while you were out?

I've had to learn to let my DH find his own way, but there are some things that I don't compromise on because they make more work for me e.g. making sure DS's pull-ups are on properly at bed time (willy pointing down) cos it's me who will be sorting out soggy pjs and bedding at 3am.

Feckadeck · 03/05/2013 21:49

Why should it matter if baby was crying with hunger or not? Even if baby was feeling okay and no obvious signs of hunger as had enough milk it doesn't mean OP's DH was in the right just to ignore mealtimes for the day because he couldn't be arsed

mrsjay · 03/05/2013 21:50

detoxlatte has said the best thing on this thread move on and forget it give dh a lecture about not listening and enjoy his time at home

HorryIsUpduffed · 03/05/2013 21:51

Presumably baby was only just eating anything four weeks ago. If he managed the milk and kept a baby alive he did pretty well.

I think you are taking out your frustrations about his working patterns, not this particular yogurt incident. You still got your "day off" and only your tantrum spoiled anything.

VinegarDrinker · 03/05/2013 21:52

How on earth is giving a yoghurt instead of pasta and yoghurt "ignoring mealtimes"?

Isiolo · 03/05/2013 21:52

YANBU at all. Its pretty common sense to know that a 8 month old needs feeding more than a fruit corner.

And I do think him not listening to you, whilst you are trying to impart information about your child is and issue

Apart from the food, did he do nice things with dc?

VinegarDrinker · 03/05/2013 21:53

" Its pretty common sense to know that a 8 month old needs feeding more than a fruit corner."

Most BLW babies I knew were barely eating a yoghurt a day at that age. Food's for fun until they're 1 and all that ...

bonkersLFDT20 · 03/05/2013 21:55

I'll tell you what pisses me off. It's when I get some time out to do something for myself and then I come home and get to do all the stuff I would have done if I'd been home (washing, washing up, tidying etc) because DH could only mind the baby and not doing anything else. Granted they have a wonderful time (and DS thinks Daddy is top banana 'cos all they do is play) but time off should mean you do something OTHER than the daily grind, not something else AS WELL as the daily grind...only later!

QuintessentialOHara · 03/05/2013 21:55

Baby led starved more like it?

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 21:55

He didn't ignore mealtimes. He made his own choice as to what he wanted to feed his son.

Sometimes on threads like this it seems some believe Mums are the only ones who can make any decisions and if a Father dares to deviate at all then they are useless.

Isiolo · 03/05/2013 21:55

we dont know if baby got milk...it sounds as not, from the OP

Feckadeck · 03/05/2013 21:55

Yogurts aren't meals in themselves - they are snacks or post-meals. The DH is getting cut too much slack. The OP is the one that is alone for 4 weeks at a time and this is reason she had to leave instructions/meals for DH which is fair enough as he'd not to know how things change in 4 weeks as a lot will be different. OP to me tried to facilitate the DH having a day with baby by doing this and he just ignored it all.

Original poster

finnbob · 03/05/2013 21:56

Thanks everyone, mixed bag of replies really.

The baby did get all his bottles DH is not that bad. Ds has a great appetite and would soon have let him known if he was hungry.

All who said I need to chill are probably right!

I think that I build up him coming home so much that I get stressed over stupid things, especially in the first few days when we're getting used to each other again.

It is frustrating when DH doesn't seem to listen but I should be used to that by now!

And for the record, I wasn't really bothered that he had a fruit corner, it's not going to do him the slightest bit of harm, it was more the not listening and not giving him the food that I had bothered to make. Next time I think I'll just go and leave them to it!

OP posts:

MonkeyingAroundTown · 03/05/2013 21:56

I would have been very annoyed too. It sounds like something my dp would do too. I probably would have reacted a tad calmer but I certainly would have let him know I wasn't impressed and that I was pissed off.

Its more the listening. My dp either doesn't listen to me or forgets what I have told him which infuriates me.

Its also a trust thing too as next time you leave him baby sitting you will be wondering if he is looking after your lo like you would.

Isiolo · 03/05/2013 21:57

its not 'making his own decisions' sirzy. Its just damn lazy half-arsedness

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 21:57

For an 8 month old a yoghurt is a fine 'meal'

DS weaned early and ate well but would have still been happy with a yoghurt at that age.

Feckadeck · 03/05/2013 21:57

Sirzy normally fair enough Dad knows best as well but this dad is away for 4 weeks so hasn't see baby or what it needs in that time hence OP leaving instructions which normally hopefully wouldn't have been required as the DH should know what baby needs as well.

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