AIBU to expect other Mums at toddler groups to at least smile or say hello??

[Cakebaker35]

Sorry for slight rant but I'm just so surprised by the rudeness of some other Mums. I always just say Hi or smile at people when going to groups or classes, I don't want to come across as a needy weirdo looking to attach myself to people instantly, but honestly isn't it just polite to say Hi and if that becomes a conversation then great? I'd like to make more Mum friends but I'm getting really put off some of these groups, I only go as my DD enjoys playing with the other children and as she doesn't go to nursery/childcare I think it's good for her socially. Should I just not bother?? Any tips on making friends? Starting to lose my confidence a bit.

[Mnetter111]

Definitely post on your local mumsnet, I did after struggling for 2 years to make any mum friends (working fulltime didn't help I admit) and I've met some lovely mums and it has made my life a lot better.

[Littlehousesomewhere]

Yes I completely agree. Some mums at these groups are so cliquey and ignoring of 'outsiders' or are so sullen and grumpy with everyone. It is so hard to find one with the friendly and positve vibe.

I persevered at one for awhile for dcs sake before realising that I didn't want them socialising with children whose role models where so antisocial and rude.

Since then I have been more discerning and choose gr

[Littlehousesomewhere]

Yes I completely agree. Some mums at these groups are so cliquey and ignoring of 'outsiders' or are so sullen and grumpy with everyone. It is so hard to find one with the friendly and positve vibe.

I persevered at one for awhile for dcs sake before realising that I didn't want them socialising with children whose role models were so antisocial and rude.

Since then I have been more discerning and choose groups that are more structured with organisers that are more proactive. This means travelling further and paying more but I think it is worth it. Try others and don't put up with rudeness, you and your dc are worth so much more than that.

[MummytoKatie]

I like baby / toddler groups on te whole. It generally takes a while to get to a point where people are familiar and you feel comfortable there but I find I usually get there.

Generally they are better if there are organisers who are just organising (ie don't have their own kids). As then they can keep an eye out for new comers. I generally try to but I'm usually in the middle of my most welcoming smile when dd decides to try and stick a pen / toy / cuddly toy up her nose and I have to run off and rescue her.

Also better if there is at least one set activity as you can then sit and do it and is therefore easier to chat.

Having said that I can remember times when dd was about 8 months old where I probably wasn't very friendly. Dd was teething and didn't sleep for more than 30 mins at a time (followed by at least an hour of screaming - repeat all night for a couple of months) and I really couldn't remember how to have a normal conversation. I could talk and I could listen but couldn't really process both at the same time. So you either got a monologue or silence from me. I must have seemed very weird!

[Beamur]

Just to add - few years down the line now - a lot of the Mums I met at the local toddler group are now fellow Mums at the local school and in the main, it's much easier to chat and get along with them now. We all have a little shared history even if we aren't best mates.

[SizzleSazz]

I met my 3 closest friends at our toddler group (new area for me so I needed to make new friends). I did start going when dd was only a couple of months old though (needed to get out lol) so maybe easier to strike up conversation about a baby?
6 years on and we still all meet regularly

I know some can be very unfriendly, but others are great!

[Cakebaker35]

Wow it is great to know I'm not alone but sad too there are so many miserable, ill mannered people about! Glad to report that not all the classes, groups etc i have been to have been so bad, just this one in particular which really wound me up so I have decided to ditch it and keep going to a few others.

I have to remind myself I am really lucky to have a great NCT group I still see, so there are nice normal mums out there too, and you all sound like that so I'm feeling more positive! :-)

Kasterborous and rubyflipper I am in Abingdon so if you're nearby then message me - any other friendly locals too :-)

[rubyflipper]

Alas, I'm in Banbury so a bit too far out.

Glad to hear you're ditching the moody group - life is too short for all of that!

[C999875]

No it isn't unreasonable to expect a hello or a smile. I would have caused them no pain or hardship would it. For as long as there are mums there will always be cliques, sadly.
I was never part or included in cliques (don't know why) and yes I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me. I am a human being of course it did. We all want to be popular don't we. However there was no way in hell I was going to stop taking my daughter to mother and toddler groups she enjoyed going and that was the end of it and she had just as much right to be there as the children of clique parents did. xxx

[Cakebaker35]

Just a bit of an update for you - ditched the old group and went to a new one today, bit further away but wow what a difference! Had smiles and hellos before I even got into the building! A much more friendly group all round and whilst we've only been once I had more friendly chats than I ever had at the old one. So I would say to anyone else don't put up with rude grumpy people, go elsewhere if you possibly can.
Faith in other mums restored, phew!