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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about childcare costs stopping me training to be a nurse?

45 replies

salemsparklys · 03/05/2013 09:52

I know I am, but I had to leave Uni because my childcare fell through, I was doing Nursing and as DH works shifts my mother offered to have the children at night etc, then she changed her mind so I had to leave. We decided to have another child who I love with all my heart, but I still feel sad that there is no hope for me to re-apply or even do another course as we simply can not afford childcare cost even though our 2 DD's are at school, our DS is only 2 this month and we would still have childcare for DD2 after school to sort out etc. I am 38 this year so not really got a lot of time left to retrain, if I had not left I would be looking for a nursing job now I think its really hit home, 5 other people had children the same time as we had our DS and 4 managed to stay with childcare help from parents/partner.

OP posts:

Dahlen · 03/05/2013 11:48

IME most people who work shift patterns and have young children have a support network they can rely on. If you haven't got that and rely wholly on professional childcare it's often prohibitive in terms of costs and/or simply flexibility (most nurseries and CMs won't do 6am starts for example).

However, there are alternatives. In your position, I would look into an au pair, as long as your youngest is over 2.

Original poster

salemsparklys · 03/05/2013 12:08

We are going to look into that, we have no one we can rely on so need to make sure we have 100% covered before I even look at applying again x

OP posts:

Xenia · 03/05/2013 15:06

14 years old? Surely the 14 year old could look after the 10 year old and 3 year old for the few days when both of you were out and/or use my ide aof hiring an au pair idea as it is just for those odd hours. £55+ a week for 25 hours live in.

cestlavielife · 03/05/2013 15:56

get a live in au pair. have the chidlren share etc to fit an au pair in

shebangsthedrum · 03/05/2013 16:20

I was in exactly the same position as you op, but in 2000 cohort doing the diploma. I am going back to college in september to do an access course for recent study. Please don't wait as long as me if you possibly can help it, I really feel out of the loop after so long when all my contemporaries qualified years ago.

50shadesofknackered · 03/05/2013 17:51

If I were you I would do an open university course in something else. Other things pay more, have better hours and you are not used as scapegoats for the media and government. (Yes I am a nurse)

Salbertina · 03/05/2013 18:35

Don't you get a bursary to help with childcare?

Original poster

salemsparklys · 04/05/2013 10:12

First I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to reply xx

I dont want to leave DD1 at 5am with the responsibility of getting DD2 & DS1 up and off to nursery/school, she would be late herself, likewise, making dinner and putting to bed etc, not fair on her.

I spoke to DH last night and he said we will find a way of making it work so I emailed Uni about what I should do and I have to call after 13th as the person I need to chat too is on holiday until then.

shebangsthedrum, I wish you all the best, I did the access course and used that to get into Uni the first time, I am going to have to do something else to gain recent study as I did that 2009, the Uni I am looking at now does a 4 yr course compaired to the 3 yrs I was doing.

50shadesofknackered, I don't want to do anything else tbh, I have done most of the things I have wanted to in life now, but this one thing I was unable to do when I was younger. Not in it for the money/hours etc, I know, sounds corny lol.

Salbertina, I will not get the full bursary as I have done almost 1 year of the course, plus I would still need another £600ish per month for after school/before school/weekend care, although we are going to look at the different types of childcare options we have.

OP posts:

fromparistoberlin · 04/05/2013 10:16

wait till your your youngest is at school OP x

NotALondoner · 04/05/2013 10:49

Plenty of people on our course in their 40s, ans a few are in their 50s. Best of luck.

TheseFoolishThings · 04/05/2013 10:53

Good for you OP - and good luck. FWIW a very good friend of mine changed career at 48, trained to be a nurse, qualified and then went on to become a Social Worker which she now does, at a fairly high level, at nearly 60. She's working with vulnerable adults and loves it. It can be done and I hope you can make it work for you.

Babyroobs · 04/05/2013 12:01

I doubt you would need childcare for a 14 year old before and after school. Also some childminders will be flexible and just charge you for the hours used. I am a nurse working shifts and our childminder didn't mind having our dd on different days each week. Some childminders won't be flexible but some will, so it's worth asking around.

EggsMichelle · 04/05/2013 12:17

Got so much respect for people who do their training with children, I was 18 so no children then, but hoping to get my duel training done (2yrs) when mine are at school.

anewyear · 04/05/2013 12:27

Im 46 and 9mths Ive just finished my Cache CYPW level 3 Diploma, I did this whilst working in Pre School during the day and Childminding after schoolers.
My DCs 14 & 11 however.

Original poster

salemsparklys · 04/05/2013 13:15

Its not the oldest DD that I need the childcare for apart from if both myself and DH are working nights, I do however, need flexible childcare for the other 2 who will be 10 and 3 next year, the current childminders in my village are not flexible about days, that may change next year but who knows.

OP posts:

dayshiftdoris · 04/05/2013 14:51

Can I add a note of caution Salem

this is not for 3 or 4 years but until your children are old enough to care from themselves.

Nursing (like midwifery which I did) is not full of part time positions with flexible working hours... the majority of nurses work shifts with little notice (2-4weeks off duty in advance if you are lucky). Can you realistically cover that?

As for childcare it is VERY unusual to find childcare that will be flexible - especially for your youngest who will be subject to ratios (children to adult)... 30 childminders said no to me when I was looking for a flexible place and I found on straight away when I had set days (after a length battle with unions). Nurseries / after school will often commit you to set days and you pay even if you don;t use... a lot of my friends are paying full time and using a proportion or have working agreements that are on a knife edge where they pay some childcare to be available for some of the week.

A lot of people do because they have a husband or parents who help but if you haven't got that... then its more difficult. I didnt have it and have left the NHS.

Sorry but I personally would think very carefully before making a such a huge commitment - what about working as a HCA before reapplying to see if you can make it work... it will be a good test, look good on the application (it will prove you can do it this time to the uni) and you will get to test out your theories.

kilmuir · 04/05/2013 14:54

How were you going to manage childcare and shifts if/when you qualified?

LaGuardia · 04/05/2013 15:18

Have you thought about a live-in au pair? Perhaps your Mum could help with the cost as she let you down? If you really really want to do the training, you will find a way.

Original poster

salemsparklys · 06/05/2013 11:16

Mother will not help in any way, she hardly talks to us anyway.
Thanks everyone for posting x

OP posts:

Jinty64 · 06/05/2013 17:31

You could arrange child care from 5am, you cound leave the 14 year old to watch the other two, you could work all weekend to get enough money together to pay for childcare but what sort of quality of life is that going to be for you or the children.

It is very noble of your dh to say he will find a way to make it work but, realistically, the sacrifice would be huge especially as you have no family support. Others have suggested getting work as a HCA and, if you are still inclined, training once the children are older. This sounds very sensible to me.

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