--d-- h (separated) wants camera he gave to dd but asks through friends. AIBU to not "comply"

[catfourfeet]

dh walked out on me and 4 dc 10 months ago.

He has severe m h problems (amne sia)

Has hardly contacted dcs, never come to visit them.

Living with his sister. A controlling bi**ch.

I have no direct contact , just emails via solicitor.

I'd be happy for him to ring / text / email me directly but he won't.

But ....... He has asked a close mutual friend via fb to ask me if he can "have" one of cameras.

Youngest dc is having a very important event and dh wants to take photos.

Am aibu to say "on your bike"

The camera is an old one of his and he gave it to dd.

I remember your previous threads, I'm sorry to see its ended like this :(

If you need it tell him no. Or better yet, ignore him. After all, he hasn't actually asked you.

So his amnesia means he forgets his kids but remembers he wants a camera he gifted to his child?

Tell him to fuck off, make sure you get nice photos for youngest dcs event and send him them.

Ahh I misread, I didn't realise it was to photograph your kid.

So he doesn't remember any of you but remembers an old camera he gave away? :( I don't know anything about amnesia, is it possible he could remember such a strange detail?

He remembers me and the dcs.
Just forgets day to day stuff.

It's not his mh issue that's the "problem" but that ge won't bloody TALK to me but then "uses" our friends.

Separated ATM as until ge get well or sil releases her control HE effectively doesn't exist.

is this the interferring sil who is not even related to h?

he hs not asked you diectly, it is lso not yours to give. there is a good chance that it will not come back too.

how can he take photos of your daughter if he doesnt see them?

It's HIS sister but the control has just got worse.

Actually "HE" hasn't asked me has he ???

I would ignore him as he is ignoring you.

He is (supposedly) coming fir this very special event.

Though his emails gave been "will try my best"
" plannIng to come " crap

He can't come unaccompanied , his sis won't bring him and he's refused all my offers of friends to go and get him or taxis

If he can't ask you directly...

Ignore. And (((hugs)))

Are you going to the important event? Can you not take photos and email some to him?

He hasn't asked you, and if you're not even sure he'll turn up I wouldn't bother. I'd say to this friend that you will take photos yourself and are prepared to forward these to him if requested.

I would wait until he asks you himself. Then tell him that you'll give it to him at the event...

Dear Friend,

I'm sorry you've been put in the awkward position of a go between. I don't think that's fair. I'm perfectly happy to communicate with Dave directly. To save you from being stuck in the middle, I'm not going to answer any requests he makes through you.

CatFourFeet

I too remember your posts and am sorry to hear how bad things have got.

I remember your posts and was wondering how you got on.

I would ignore the request. You could email pictures to him.

Wasn't your sister overly involved as well?

Don't give him the camera - you'll never get it back.

As others have said, you take them and email them to him.

Best wishes to you.

I remember you. Sad that it has ended up like this, but you had to put your DC's first in the situation they were in.

As he hasn't made a direct request, not even by text or email, I would just ignore it.

Ignore. Ignore ignore.

Let supersis get him one.

Altikmum : sis is VERY controlling , only thinks of dh nit his family.
Dh mh issues make him very vulnerable , easily led. She has said "I will fo everything I can to make sure ge never comes back"

I think my only "crIme" against his family was to say I couldn't cope full time with his ,quite frankly, appalling behaviour ( mood swings, aggression, selfishness etc) all due to his mh issues.

He left us but with the help of my sis and his sis.

Only thing is I'll take rubbish photos whereas he's REALY good.

I remember your other threads. I had to separate from my DH because of behavioural issues, it was difficult as he has cancerous brain tumours, but my DC's were at risk, so I understand some of your feelings. I had interfering relatives and I let that side of things take up to much of my energy. I would, as said, ignore requests unless they come from him. Don't let yourself get caught up in these petty issues. I am sorry that I didn't get help and counselling, so I could accept that my marriage was over and I had to parent alone. I looked after my DH when he became physically unwell, the relatives disappeared. You need to be discussing this with people who understand your on-going personal conflict. Are there any support groups for people whose relationship has been ended by disability? I am sorry that I didn't go down that route much sooner than I did, it would have benefited me and my children.

In regards to the actions of "family", they will have to eventually live with what they have done, it will catch up with them, whereas your worries will fade, your children will come through this and you will eventually have no trouble "living in your own head", unlike them.

In regards to the actions of "family", they will have to eventually live with what they have done, it will catch up with them, whereas your worries will fade, your children will come through this and you will eventually have no trouble "living in your own head", unlike them.

Getting mutual friends involved is not fair. You need to tell mutual friend to keep their nose out apologise to mutual friend for being dragged into this. Wait for him to contact you. Mutual interfering friend will enable him to continue to ignore you, who knows what the next message or request will be, this could get very awkward. (And about the camera, if it is an old one you don't really use, I'd give it to him no prob - as long as he asked you decently himself, and came to collect it in person) I don't know the backstory - but sorry to hear your heartache and frustration is still lingering!