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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think after being together 2 years you would have met their friends

45 replies

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu · 02/05/2013 22:08

Been with DP nearly 2 years and have met NONE of his friends yet he regularly sees them.

Aibu to think after nearly 2 years I'd have met his friends?

OP posts:

Christelle2207 · 02/05/2013 23:09

Invite friends over to your place? Presumably some have girlfriends so you could invite them as well? This doesn't look good tho

Kiwiinkits · 03/05/2013 03:50

He's not that into you. Why else would he be hiding you away. He should be showing you off!? Splitsville.

piprabbit · 03/05/2013 03:55

When's his birthday? I think you need to be organising a surprise party where you invite all his mates.

Seriously, does he keep everything in his life in special compartments or just his friends and you?

poppyinthemiddle · 03/05/2013 06:14

Any man who is worth 2 years of your life should be dying to show you off to friends and family, sorry to be blunt but he's just not that into you - from experience!

My ex did exactly this, i never met friends or family. We only ever did things in my home town, and he wouldnt have photos or tags on his facebook. i was naieve/stupid/infatuated enough to make excuses for him - just shy, still lives with parents, not had many gfs, doesnt want to upset his long term single mates, blah blah. Alone he could talk all the right talk.

Turns out my ex had several women around the place and I wasted two years of my life with this idiot.

SacreBlue · 03/05/2013 06:44

Carol, Gossip, Dahlen, Imp, Less, Kiwi, Poppy and I :) are all right on the money - he is not, nor after two years will he be, that into to you.

In my head - I see us together and having kids etc

That's the only place it's likely to happen :( the fact that you do have that in your head is what's allowing you to excuse any disrespectful behaviour and frankly I am willing to bet the farm there is a lot

All of it carefully constructed to keep you but not too close just where he wants you. There is no way to say this without sounding patronising but I feel very sorry for you because I know from bitter experience that this guy will be an utter nightmare to get rid off.

He has everything he needs without any responsiblilty to you and ime emotional manipulators like that will pull out all the stops to get what they want.

My X did introduce me to family, friends etc after I said I would leave - thing is everything was that same long drawn out process and frankly relationships require work but not all on one persons part and certainly not all the time.

Be prepared for tears and protestations of love and 'doing better' etc - unless you want to waste more time and shed loads of energy - don't fall for it.

Mrsrobertduvall · 03/05/2013 06:51

Who do you go out with socially then...just the two of you?
It all sounds odd.

Jinty64 · 03/05/2013 06:52

Don't get married or have children with him until he grows up. Your situation is not a recipe for long term happiness.

neontetra · 03/05/2013 06:52

Unless he's ashamed of his friends? My dh was reluctant to introduce me to the friends he had then as some could be a bit twattish, especially when drunk, and apparently he thought it would make me think less of him. I met them in the end, of course.

coralanne · 03/05/2013 06:59

I think you need to move on.

My DS was with his ex for about 5 years off and on.

They went on holidays together and when he was still living at home she stayed here a lot.

However, when it came to family and friends, they were completely separate. He didn't even invite her to his Ds's wedding.

She used to have Christmas dinner us and go to her Mother's home in the evening but DS stayed home.

The only time I actually saw them together at a family gathering was at her father's funeral.

She went to functions with her friends. He didn't go because he didn't have anything in common with her friends.

He went out with his mates (attended weddings and functions). He didn't take her.

They have been apart since October last year but she still comes to watch him play football.

She has another partner and is very happy with him. He is younger than her and is quite happy for her to "rule the roost". Whereas my DS is very much his own person and wouldn't go along with her "I.m the boss"
personality.

They are both much nicer people since they have been apart.

HairyGrotter · 03/05/2013 09:51

2 years?!?

I've been with my DP for just 2 months and I've met practically all his mates!

I'd be very suspicious if I were you, and yeah, it sounds as if he's just not that into you. How odd!

hellsbellsmelons · 03/05/2013 10:17

I could have written this!
He's my Ex now!!
Ultimatum time - me thinks.

Original poster

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu · 04/05/2013 11:42

Well I've questioned it

He got all defensive saying I don't need to them. He's going to see one on Monday so asked to go with him and got told i can't. Found out its a female friend he's going to see and he has to plan seeing her around when he husband is around to look after the kids - all a bit suspicious I think

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 04/05/2013 11:46

Yes it is . Now what ?

SamuelWestsMistress · 04/05/2013 11:48

Hmm. Perhaps he has a fuck buddy? Would make sense for his family not to know so he's safe letting you meet them. I'd be highly suspicious if I were you.

maddening · 04/05/2013 14:34

So will her husband be there while he is? All sounds v strange.

EllaFitzgerald · 04/05/2013 15:13

Does he see you together and having kids in his head? I suspect not. Have you talked about long term plans together, SaveWater?

Surely it should be a case of him wanting you to meet them rather than you not needing to? And aren't they curious about why they haven't met you yet? It's like he's in your life, but you're not in his, and all the time you aren't making demands on him, he's getting the perks of being in a relationship without having it intrude on what he chooses to do in his spare time.

It sounds like you have a couple of options. You either keep quiet, hope for the best and don't think too deeply about the reasons he wants to keep you completely separate from a large and important part of his life, (not a serious suggestion) or you tell him that you're not prepared to put up with it any longer and accept the inevitable fall out. I have been in your exact position and I can promise you that any man who sees himself having a future with you will want you in all aspects of his life.

Hassled · 04/05/2013 15:15

It really shouldn't be this hard work. Whatever the fuck is going on in his head, I don't think long-term commitment is especially high on his list of priorities.

Nanny0gg · 04/05/2013 15:16

all a bit suspicious I think
Really?
Understatement.
Seriously, OP, how old are you both?

Numberlock · 04/05/2013 15:20

Just get rid. There's never going to be some miracle day where he suddenly changes and introduces you to everyone. At best you're just a fuck buddy, at worst he's playing around.

I bet he's not even that respectful is he? Do you do most of the cooking when he comes round? Does he pay his way?

LIZS · 04/05/2013 15:22

Found out its a female friend he's going to see and he has to plan seeing her around when he husband is around to look after the kids - all a bit suspicious I think wtf ! I wonder what her h makes of that. If it was a normal friendship he wouldn't have minded you going along. Instead he is actively keeping you and his "friends" apart. Loud alarm bells.

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