I'm new and i need advice regarding my MIL. Help!

[MommyBird]

Hi! :) I'm new here!
Im married, have a 3 year old lg and im almost 27 weeks pregnant (ARGHHH!) with our 2nd lg :)

Now, before i ask your advice, there is SO much more to this..honestly..just so much more.

RIGHT!
For the past 4ish years, my OH has been picking his mother up on a weekday afternoon..bringing her to our house to see our lg and taking her home.
He is a postman and works full time, finished work at latest 2 o'clock.
She works part time, doesn't drive, uses buses every day to get to and from work, live about 10 mins car ride away.
(Our lg isn't allowed to go to his moms as she smokes and refuses to not smoke around our lg, so she comes to our house)
My hubby has done this constantly, every week unless she cancels (which is alot) if he cannot pick her up for any reason, we had the whole gilt trip about how we're stopping her seeing her grandchild..she doesn't see her enough..blachblahblah...so we change days/cancels plans so he can pick her up to come to our house.
We have made every effort, from inviting her to places, taking and picking her up, taking her shopping to buy our lgs christmas/birthday presents, allsorts.

Recently hubby has got a promotion at work (woo ) which means more hours at work..so he isn't finishing till lateish...so he can't pick his mom up as he's not finishing early anymore...ive got spd, not so great..and our lg is in the process of starting Nursery..things are abit hectic!
My MIL and FIL have gotten a car..they have had it now for about a week..they can only come down in the car on a saturday due to my FIL's work..and some saturdays he can't come down as he has another job.
We have asked his mom if she would catch the bus down on a weekday afternoon (he would take her home) when they cannot come down on a saturday..this isn't good enough for her as she doesn't want to catch the bus (she is 41 btw, not old, not disabled) the bus stops near enough outside our house, its 30 minute bus ride max!
My hubby gets 1 day off in the week where we do something..just me, him and our lg like take her to a farm or a day out..just "us 3 time"
My MIL has asked if on his day off instead of "us" doing something he can pick her up from work about 1...take her home..then come to our house which i think is VERY cheeky considering they've had the car for a week now and havn't even popped down to see our lg!
Hubby said no, as its his only day off and he wants to spend it with us, which tbh, i don't see anything wrong with.
So instead of not catching the bus..she's now going 3 weeks without seeing our lg and coming down a few saturdays away when her husband can bring her all beacuse she can't be bothered to make the effort to catch the bus.

How would you feel about this? My husband has bent over backwards for her and there's no effort on her side, at all.
Shall i just allow it and let it go? I just think that all the rubbish she has said about how much she wants to see our lg and she would "walk to the hospital..even if it was at 3am when she was born just to see her" (she was born at 1am, and no, she didn't come to the hospital :'))
she obviously doesn't want to see her that much.
It feels like she's picking and dropping my daughter when she can bothered, or when its easy for her.
Any advice would be great..there is alot more to this story..this is the recent issue. x

I guessed at "little girl", Tentative

I'm 2 years older than your MIL, with dc of 9,11,13. I'm disabled but still manage to get myself out and about though its an effort.

She sounds like a real drain. Don't understand why she can get the bus for work but not to see you? Sounds like a control issue.

I like my mil a lot but couldn't see her every day (feel the same about my own parents). Luckily she lives a flight or ferry trip away, we see her for a few days 6-7 times a year.

OMG,
It is almost as if she makes an ultimatum -''You drive me there or I am not coming....''
If she is not bothered to make an effort and take the bus to see her grand child then stuff it.Do not stress out,you have LO and expecting(sharing your pain with SPD ;)).I have similar MIL,she does everything for her own convenience....

Stick to your guns OP!

I am 42 and have a hip replacement - I cycle, walk to the tube and even get the bus occasionally! She needs a reality check!

My Dad, who is 72, sometimes takes the boys (6 and 8) out for the day or looks after them at home....he takes them on the bus and on the tube. He has had a knee replacement, had prostrate cancer and has a slightly dodgy heart!

lg is little girl :)
haha! yes she is a 41 years old, not old, not disabled, just very lazy.
What annoys me even more, is that she expects it, she shows no gratitude or anything like that towards my hubby, he is totally taken for granted.
I'm 24 this month and my hubby is 25 so we are young(ish) parents but sometimes feel we're maturer than her..she has the attitude of a 16 year old unfortunately!
YES! Its very much like an ultimatum..only she hasn't realized yet that the only person that is loosing out is her, not us or our daughter.

She is coming down Saturday afternoon now as her husband has had to have the day off work cause of a delivery at their house, so he can bring her down once its been delivered..which is great..but i'm a tad annoyed that it's ONLY because he has the day off work he can drive her down..before today she was coming down next saturday due to his day off...if he had been at work saturday, she wouldn't of come down. If you can see where i'm coming from?
No effort on her part at all, thanks to my FIL being off work unexpectedly, she gets to see her grandchild as doesn't have to do anything.
and whats worrying me now, is my hubby will have to work longer hours on a saturday too, instead of the 2 o'clock finish..so saturday afternoons are a no go from about June..so just weekday afternoons..where she will HAVE to catch the bus down if she wants to see the girls..
Sorry for the ranting girls, it feels so much better to write it all down! :) x

Oh and i'll take the comparing grandparents thing on board!
I try not to do it infront of her..but if she mentions ours daughters new toy/shoes/dress..etcetc, she asks about them and it comes out that my parents have bought it for her, cause 99.9% chance they usually have..my daughter aswell does it, she is only 3 and has no idea..she mentions that she wants to go and see nanny and grandad..or can she go and see nanny and grandad, when my hubby's parents are here (cringe!) they don't play with her, or interact much with her, so its pretty obvious she is going to get board..this has happened a few times and its left to me to entertain her whilst they're here..she expects our lg to be excited when she comes down..or kiss and cuddle her when its time for her to go...this doesn't happen, she has no reason to be excited or not want them to go!...
tbh as i'm writing this out and im not really sure why they come down..they don't do anything whilst they're down..apart from drink tea and moan..

What a strange woman she is. If it's 10 minutes in the car and 30 minutes on the bus then it wouldn't take very long to walk to your house.
She is a lazy beggar, I'd stop the rides and tell her she can come over if she feels like it and make her own way.

It's only going to get worse, OP: a little girl I know mortified her mother by loudly saying, in front of crap granny, "I want to go and see my proper Grandma!"

You reap what you sow with children in a very direct way. When you're all 20+ years older, will your grown-up daughters be visiting their bored, lonely paternal grandmother? Not if she carries on like this!

hahaha i'd die!
There's been a few incidents where she has said something similar and you can cut the atmosphere with a knife, its absolutely awful. My OH and I are just froze, you have no idea what to say!
Last year, she went through a phase of not coming down for months and months..when she eventually came down our lg kept asking to "see my nanny" and her granddad said "your nanny is here" and my daughter replied something like "No, I want my other nanny"..it's awful, and my MIL just went inabit of a mood...yet still doesn't think that it's her..or to make more of an effort..

41 and she's acting like this? That's 3 years younger than me and she seems twice the age.

I don't think you should feel guilty, she's the one who's missing out because of her own actions (or lack of).