To give up my £££, fits round the dc job to work full time out of the house for much less money?

[AudreyParker]

Having a slight wobble.

I have an interview for a job I really want this afternoon.

It means taking a big pay cut, at least to start with, and putting ds2 in ft childcare. Dh will have to do the teatime and probably bedtime bits of the day without me. Ds1 and dd will have to go to a cm early in the morning and after school.

I currently childmind. I work an average of 44 hours a week, sometimes 55, plus time for admin/paperwork and training. I have loved it but I want my life back. I want to have a career, with progression, and do grown up things. I want my house to be a home for us all instead of a workplace. I want my dc to not have to share all their belongings and space and come second to all the other children. I want to enjoy my time with my children instead of being all chlildcare-d out.

But it means I won't be there when they come home. I won't be here looking after ds2. I won't be able to be as flexible about taking them places in the holidays or coming to assemblies.

In my head I know I'm making the right choice for me, but am I being selfish? Will my family resent me for it eventually?

I've been at home for the last six years, and childminding for the last five. Big changes. Aibu?

I'm just being needy and looking for validation really.

It's going to be such a massive lifestyle change, and change is usually good for the soul. I just don't know if I'm being horribly grass-is-greener about being a WOHM.

Wobble wobble.

YANBU. Forget 'selfish'... in this context it's nothing more than an outdated patriarchal construct designed to keep ambitious women down :) This is your life we're talking about and if you don't do the best you can with the skills you've got in the time you've got then you're selling yourself short. Your kids will be just like thousands of other kids with parents that work outside the home... they'll be perfectly happy, they'll be proud of their Mum, and they'll cope perfectly well. They don't resent Dad for working outside the home do they?...

Thank you! That's exactly the way I should look at it, of course.

YANBU

Your kids will be absolutely fine, and they will get used to having a working mum.

And what is to stop you giving this a go. If you really hate it, you can always have a rethink in six months or a year.

Don't forget, Audrey, your DCs have already had a "good inings" with you around. That can never be taken away and they aren't going to be in childcare forever. It's just for now.
By the sounds of it, they won't be in childcare for ages anyway; they will start school, have tea dates and take themselves out to play sooner than you realise. Good luck.

I would hate being a CM for all the reasons you outline in your OP. Go for it! You only get one shot at life and, given you spend most of your life working, it's critical that it's something that nurtures your self-esteem and that you enjoy. If you feel that the downsides of CMing are outweighing the positives, it's time for a change.

Is your DH supportive of your decision?

YANBU.

Can you tell us what the new job is though? Might affect my answer!

Ha! Judging by the fact loads of my friends have recoiled in horror at my career choice, it's not a popular one.

I want to be an estate agent.

Dh is very supportive. His job is brilliant hours, he's always home at 4.30 on the dot so it's ideal in that respect.

Ds2 will be looked after by my sister, who is registering as a cm, and the older two can go to wraparound care with their mates.

Since I decided on this path I've felt much more energised and happy. Now I've just got to ace the interview.

Yanbu - go for it and good luck! Would you want your DC to stay in 'convenient' jobs at the detriment of their personal fulfilment?

If it helps Estate Agency is one of the jobs on my list of something I would like to investigate further.

As for childminding I can completely understnd why yo would want the change. And although it might seem you are giving up a child friendly job, it's not really that child friendly as your time (and space)is shared with your mindees.

Go for it!

I don't think so.

A new start can be refreshing for the whole family.

You may see them less, however you have done a good job so far. And your dc get their home back, that is a huge bonus for them!

And sometimes being a little bit selfish is a good thing.

Well YABU to want to be an estate agent but good luck for the interview. Hope it all goes well. It sounds like you've done your very best by your family and now it's your turn. Good luck. You deserve it.

Regretting things you have done is pointless.
Regretting things you haven't is soul destroying.

Go for it and good luck!

I don't know much about estate agency but I think you should go for it, just be aware it might be quite different from your current perception in reality. Good luck!

You mean it's not all swanning round in power suits, judging people's decor?

Audrey, you have a DH with family-friendly hours, a passion, a good strong solid family set-up, what sounds like a good egalitarian relationship model. I reckon your children will be pretty damn happy no matter what their mother does for a living!

Is it full time? Can you afford some domestic help (cleaner etc)? I work a 9-4 and I find myself doing laundry and other housework up to 10pm every evening as I'm not in the house during the day to do bits of it here and there. How old is your DS2 - will you miss spending a whole day with him?

It is full time but it's four weekdays and a Saturday, so I'll have one day at home with him (he's 19 months).

Might look at getting a cleaner although DH is completely opposed to the idea, he might change his mind when he's doing the vast bulk of it....

Tortoise, that's just what I need to hear, thank you

Second interview at 4pm this afternoon...

I'd go for it! If you find yourself hating it further down the line you can always have a rethink ... Paths not taken, and all that ...

Good luck with the interview - sounds like a great opportunity if it is what you really want to do .

OP, thats spooky, I could almost have written your post myself.

I have applied for a fulltime job, currently work 3 days a week but not happy where I am and there are no part time jobs coming up.

Wobbling massively as if I get it I will really miss my 2 days at home with DD, baby groups, coffee with friends etc. Its so hard!

On the other hand, they say you regret the things you didnt do rather than the things you do. I hope it works out for you!

I second the cleaner suggestion - cleaners are brilliant. I'm currently on maternity leave with my 4 month old but I wouldn't give up my cleaner for the world. When I'm with my son I want to spend time with him, not cleaning the loo.

The way I look at working ft is that many dads work long hours and their children don't love them any less for it. Most children seem to worship their dads and treasure the time they spend with them. The dads are also happy and fulfilled due to their time spent out of the home and can really appreciate their time with their children. I basically want to be a dad.

L looking at your schedule you should definitely go for it. You dh is home at 4.30 so your kids will have just one hour after school with your sister, and one weekday with you every week. What's not to like? Go for it!