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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit sorry for myself?

21 replies

FieryChipotle · 30/04/2013 09:49

A bit of background:

I left my career due to my DD1 having a very serious illness. My DS1 is seriously disabled and I also have another DS.

I am trying desperately to get back to my career. I have had three interviews (two this week) and each time I keep coming 'second.' The feedback is always positive, but there just always seems to be someone better. I found out this morning that I had been unsuccessful again, but (helpfully) told that if it wasn't for the other candidate, the job would have been '100%' mine! I've looked online for other suitable jobs in this county and the next and there is literally nothing. I've tried applying for things below my pay-grade but I'm always told that I'm too expensive or too experienced etc etc.

Due to my lack of work, I've had to rent my house out in order to pay the mortgage and I am now renting a crappy house in a crappy area. I can't afford to buy my children clothes, yet I cannot apply for any benefits because our join incomes for the last tax year was too high!

DS1 bit me this morning so hard that it made me cry. I've just had enough! My DM has just told me that I need to cheer up and I have nothing to feel sorry for myself over.

So, AIBU to feel a wee bit sorry for myself today? and maybe buy a bottle of wine?-

OP posts:

Original poster

FieryChipotle · 30/04/2013 09:50

PS have name changed in case of flaming

OP posts:

LEMisdisappointed · 30/04/2013 09:54

Flaming??? what on earth for - it sound really tough :( I think you will find something soon though.

Do you get any benefits for your DS? You must be entitled to some support, surely?

FayeKorgasm · 30/04/2013 09:59

You have every reason to feel sorry for your self. It sounds as though you are having a really tough time.

I don't have any practical advice, I just hope that your job search is fruitful soon. Focus on the good feedback you have had! And

foslady · 30/04/2013 10:00

Can I pull up a pew and join you, please? I have a similar situation re the bridesmaid thing on the few jobs that become available in my area. I haven't got the complications you have though added in, so please have [chocolate emocon that we really should have mn] and I'll be happy to hear 'it's not bloody fair' all day from you, because no, it isn't, it's absolute pants and you have loads more than me to put up with, so yes, feel free to feel sorry for yourself and I'll agree wholeheartedly and call them all the names you want

Original poster

FieryChipotle · 30/04/2013 10:07

Thank you so much! I just feel so silly sitting here crying and feeling bad.

I get higher rate DLA for DS1 and carers allowance but I have so much money going out it doesn't seem to make a dent in the bills. He goes to a wonderful special needs school but I struggle with him so much when he's at home.

My best friend (who lives a long way away) has just text me to say she got her promotion at work! Don't get me wrong, I'm very pleased for her but it has made me feel a tiny bit worse!

I think I'm just a bit lonely. I don't know many people here as everyone I was friendly with has moved on and my husband works long hours and doesn't get why I am upset. He just sees rejection as par for the course whereas I see it as soul destroying. I've told him I will try to man up!

OP posts:

Original poster

FieryChipotle · 30/04/2013 10:08

And foslady I'm sorry to hear that you are in the same boat! It's just so frustrating isn't it?

OP posts:

foslady · 30/04/2013 10:16

I got turned down at Christmas time and sunk quite low, so I know how it gets you so unmumsnetty hugs. We have a list of house rules and my daughter wanted to know why I was down (hadn't hidden it as well as I thought ) so I told her. She went to the house rules and wrote on a new one - Never call yourself a failure or think you have let people down. I've told myself this IS the year I will get F/T work in my field without moving home.......I just have to make my potential employers realise this!!!! (and smile through gritted teeth!!!!!).

I used to tell clients that life is like a wheel, just as the good times don't last, neither do the bad ones. It WILL turn again

foslady · 30/04/2013 10:18

And I totally get the promotion thing - it's not that you don't want her to have it - you just want some for you too

Poledra · 30/04/2013 10:21

[sympathy]
Sometimes, you just need to feel sorry for yourself for a bit - have a wallow. It's not bloody fair, not at all.

PS put some antiseptic on that bite, wont you?

ditavonteesed · 30/04/2013 10:29

you are never unreasonable to feel sorry for yourself if you have a reason or not. (which you do) rejection is so hard and it is easy to start feeling badly about yourself. I was looking for work and trying to get into uni last year and every rejection cuts you down a bit further. It pays to remember its not you its just that the job market is shocking. Sounds like you are really struggling financially as well which is draining. Buy that botte of wine, down it tonight and enjoy.

Original poster

FieryChipotle · 30/04/2013 10:30

Ahh the gritted teeth smile... I know it well! Your daughter sounds lovely and very supportive. The house rule sounds like a great idea

My younger two are toddlers so thankfully they don't understand that anything is wrong! The friend thing is just bad timing, I am very happy for her but as you say, it's something I would ideally like for myself. One day it will be our turn to share good news with our loved ones!

I omitted to mention (but hey I've name changed so I don't suppose it matters) that the latest rejection was at my husband's place of work and the people rejecting me are people I know well, which has probably made it a tougher blow than it should be.

I'm going to put some make up on and take the twins out for a good long walk while I consider my next move!

OP posts:

foslady · 30/04/2013 10:34

Good for you OP, nil currundum and all that!:-)

quesadilla · 30/04/2013 11:33

Nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself unless it stops you from taking constructive steps to improve your situation - which you clearly are not. You have a tougher load to carry than most and I really hope things improve for you soon. The job market is really shocking at the moment though; I am sure you are aware of this but it bears having it repeated. Whoever made that comment about the wheel was right as well. If you are getting close to getting jobs it's only a matter of time. Best of luck.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 30/04/2013 11:46

Fiery what's your line of work? YANBU by the way! It sounds like you've had a very hard time.x

frazmum · 30/04/2013 12:03

The reason you're coming second could be because you've had a career break - for some reason this seems to be an issue which I've unfortunately been on the receiving end of too.

But you've obviously got what they're looking for so I'm sure it will only be a matter of time. I liked your last thread about putting on the make-up. Can't remember where I read it, but putting on lipstick before you leave the house apparently does lift your mood - there are some advantages to being a woman .

Original poster

FieryChipotle · 30/04/2013 16:58

The lipstick DID make me feel better but then (and you couldn't make it up...!) I did my entire food shop and realised I'd left my purse in my interview bag! I then got half way home and a man accidentally chucked his drink all over me! I've had a rotten day in every possible way.

I'm trying to get back into teaching. I was a middle leader so I've been told I'm 'too experienced' for classroom roles but (and probably owing to my career break) I get passed over for middle leader roles. Every time it has been 'close but no cigar!'

I've tried supply work, but I was getting sent an hour and a half a way and also to teach primary (I teach a KS5 subject in real life!) so it's not been ideal and I haven't had many 'jobs' from the agencies I belong to.

You are all so lovely, your kind words have really cheered me up.

OP posts:

mumofweeboys · 30/04/2013 17:34

Do you know if your income for this year will be much lower than last year. You can use the lower figure as your income. You risk overpayments if u guesstimate wrong but could really help.

Original poster

FieryChipotle · 30/04/2013 18:28

I called tax credits and I was told that I couldn't claim as it was based on our earnings from the last tax year. Our joint income will be around 30k lower this year so we're taking a big hit! Should I just include my husband's income on the form as technically that is all we are living off? It's only marginally less than the threshold though so I doubt we would get much. Arghhh bloody money, my life would be lovely without money drama! (I guess that's true of us all though!)

OP posts:

ditavonteesed · 30/04/2013 18:40

you should be able to claim I have done a couple fo times in the past.

Original poster

FieryChipotle · 30/04/2013 19:23

I will def look into it! Thank you!

OP posts:

facedontfit · 30/04/2013 20:54

Hi Fiery,

YANU to feel sorry for yourself. So feel sorry for yourself, eat chocolate, cakes, puddings etc

Then pick yourself up, dust yourself down an get out there and kick ass. Show everyone what Fiery is made of!

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