I have been unreasonable, completely out of order and disrespectful but I didn't know where else to put this.
So...my partner and I have been on/off marriage for years (been together 4), he bought a ring and we've cancelled a church booking before because he's not ready. I told him last year I didn't want the ring on again until he was serious because it's upsetting me but he insisted I wear it a few weeks ago again. We've had a discussion recently where I wanted to change my name to my maiden name, he suggested I change it to his - more upset for me, what's the point in that?
Also we're supposed to be buying our house together but he's only into it when I've accepted I'll have to buy it myself (nice chunk off through council right to buy). He's basically too insecure to buy it with me until I'm quite prepared to buy it myself....then he wants in. Recently we've had the quote and he hasn't even said a word about it.
Anyway....we had an argument friday night because of all this and I'd been drinking, I found out he was recording it on his phone so I went mad. Things went from bad to worse and I ended up crying down the phone to my kids dad (I know I did this to get at my partner through sheer exasperation and drunken utter stupidness), my partner left. My ex came over in a taxi I paid for, after an hour of talking, I was sick for 1/2 hour then gave him a duvet to sleep in my daughters room. I took him home the next day.
I told my partner on Saturday and begged and pleaded for his forgiveness because I know that is a terrible thing to do. The kids went to my sister and my partner ended up coming back after I'd agreed that for him to have any trust in me I'd need to go to the solicitor and legally sign our son over to him (I'm not sure how that would have worked).He started drinking and for 5 hours I sat on a kitchen chair and he told me how disgusting I was etc, the next day it carried on and I just kept apologising. Sunday evening he was still running me down and I was tired and depressed, I told him I couldn't do the solicitor because it didn't sound like he wanted me anyway. So he called me a dirty **ing little slag and walked out within 5 minutes.
He went down to the court on Monday where my ex is fighting to see his other child and kicked off down there, then he came back here and I told him we can't be together until things have calmed down because I have 3 children to stay sane for and a job to hold down. I know I need to be punished for what I've done but I'm so depressed and tired. He insisted that we'd try to move on but again last night he was giving me a hard time all night. I'm so tired and know I've done wrong but can't handle this. If I tell him he'll need to leave he'll go mad, he won't let me leave :( help