"They don't see me enough".

[curryeater]

MIL said this about my children because they were being shy yesterday. I just smiled and moved on but was annoyed because:

1. they weren't being shy with her, it was someone else whom they hardly ever see, and being in a strange place (they usually see MIL at our house or theirs, and this was out, and the other person was completely new). MIL knows this, when she comes to our house the dcs come running to her.

1. It's a fucking dig and it's not fair. I do not have time to BREATHE. I had to skive off existing commitments to do my own daughter's birthday cake. I supermarket shop online when I should be working, I do laundry at home when I am supposed to be working, I do not have time to have a haircut, we are barely keeping afloat with everything we have to do: 2 small children, 2 adults, 2 full time jobs, and we have just moved house, and, for some reason, all kinds of major things have just broken and are proving hellaciously endless to fix. MIL lives about 6 miles away, does nothing, and has a car. IF YOU THINK YOU SHOULD SEE THEM MORE THEN COME THE FUCK OVER AND STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME ORGANISE EVERYTHING AND DO EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.

1. For clarity, when I say "come the fuck over then", what I actually mean is: phone up, suggest a time, and come then. Not say vaguely "I'll pop over at the weekend". When? We aren't just sitting there for 48 hours waiting for something to happen. We will make time for you, gladly, but it would really help if you could give us a clue which bit of time would suit you.

1. or, as a radical suggestion, not that you have to, but you could maybe come round in such a way that actually helps me. If you were to sit with the dcs for 2 hours (which they would love), at a time arranged with me, which I know about, and can plan for, and then you actually show up at that time, and I could get on with something else, then this would actually be net gain in my life and be incredibly easy for you and YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO. You don't have to, but you know what, your life is a lot easier than mine so stop bitching at me.

AIBU?

I am spoilt by my own mum who works very hard to not put me out and helps as much as she can (though she is 200 miles away). when we were children she worked like a bastard and I found her scary and unapproachable. Now we are grown up she knows what our lives are like and can't do enough to support us. MIL on the other hand has not worked a day in her life and has no idea that we aren't all just pottering about at home all the time looking for things to do

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I do think that what's behind the above quote quite possibly has a bearing on why this has enraged you so much.

wealthy that sounds great but you are very different from my ILs. They moved abroad when DDs were 4 and 2 because and I direct quote "theres nothing keeping us in England". So not all grandparents are particularly thoughtful or even bothered sadly.

I sympathise. My ILs make it very clear that they prefer their other grandchildren to our 2 DDs, but MIL announced at lunch recently that she "just feels as if she doesnt know the girls anymore". Well, it's sad, but that's what happens when you prioritise unfairly... the girls noticed what was happening. MIL was always of the "oh I'd love to have them to stay" type, but would never actually commit to a date, or even offer us a date that suited her, so it never happened.

No solution, sorry!

Amberleaf, yes, but also what lies behind this is the fact that in our family I earn more than DP, travel much further to work, and yet am supposed to be available at the drop of a hat in a way that he is not.
wealthypensioner sounds very nice but I don't know what she is responding to - I am not moaning about all grandparents ever, just saying that this particular person is very hard to deal with if you are used to dealing with people who make plans, commit to things, and then turn up. wealthypensioner, please give seminars on how to use calendars and how to plan!
I don't have flaky friends any more, haven't for years. I don't like flaky people, people who call you "flower" and "hun"* and then can't even be arsed to tell you whether they will deign to drift round in the morning or the afternoon. In this case, however, I do not have a choice.

*yes she does this

Must be infuriating.

Sounds like another of those situations where the DP/DH needs to just. do. something.!

Is she one of those who goes on about how hard her son works? ignoring the fact that you do too