AIBU to say I'm gay...but I'm not sure where I land with Gay Marriage

[HoveringKestrel]

I was brought up Catholic, and I'm gay now, and althought I wish the best for everyone, I donn't know whether I could do it?

I've been proposed to by a gay man, and I'm gay, and I don't know.

Luckily I know how to kill time but I have a serious dilemma here.

Marriage is a religious sacrament. That is what it is.

And I was broguth up with religion and I know I don't fit in.

So what do I do? I know I love him, I don't see the need to get married, because ultimately I've been brought up to think marriage is in the eyes of God...

I'm not in the eyes of God, why would I get married. Am I being unreasonable?

I'm an atheist and I'm getting married. I don't believe a civil ceremony has anything to do with god. I don't believe marriage is a religious sacrament. It is for some, but for others it's a legal contract. I actually feel really sad that there are gay people who don't want gay marriage. Even if you don't want it for yourself don't you want the level of equality that makes it possible?

why get married?

I'd been with DH for 9 years by the time we got married.
Loads of people asked "Why"?

Personally, I wouldn't have had children without being married.

But everyone has their own views.

I was raised Anglican, and still am. I think marriage is a religious sacrament (if performed in church, of course) and so are same-sex marriages. I'm sorry the mainstream churches haven't come round to this view yet and trust they will in time.

You have answered your own question when you said 'I don't see a need to get married.' It is irrelevent really whether you are gay or straight - marriage is never a 'need' as such, it's more of a deeply felt want. If you don't feel it, then you don't 'need' to do it.

To me getting married is about the celebration of two people committing the rest of their lives together, if you're religious with gods blessing, but (as a non religious person planning a wedding) it's still an important step in any relationship.

There is also the sideline of legal protection which shouldn't be overlooked.

The real question is whether you really don't see the need for marriage because of your religious beliefs or because you're just not ready. Once you know this its time for a big talk - stalling will only work so long...

I'm so glad I posted this. Everyone has been so lovely and insightful. I'm only 25 and I can't tell you what it means to have such balanced and helpful responses from people with experience of happy marriage, it has been excellent. I espeically liked Stokes opinion. Thank You xx

And of course you are only 25 so just because you don't want marriage now doesn't mean you won't suddenly be overcome with a burning deisre to do it in ten or twenty years time! Love is funny like that.

I don't think its because I'm 25 that I'm having doubts, I do love him, my heart ssinks every time I think hes in trouble and after 6 years I still get butterflies.

I just don't know if marriage is what I believe in. I was brought up to believe it is a religious sacriament....

It is! its not a thing man made up as a gesture, it's a thing religion cooked up as a transition.

How we translate it in modern society is purely objective, I'm just note sure I'm seeing it right.

I think marriage is a way of declaring your love and commitment in front of those who matter to you in a symbollic way. It doesn't have to be religious.

Also, its origins were more to do with men wanting to be sure they were the father of any children born. The religious aspect came afterwards. It's a symbollic way of saying these two people are with each other exclusively for the rest of their lives.