AIBU?
I need to have a rant about DHs sister .....
Gossipmonster · 26/04/2013 23:16
DHs sister is in her early twenties I will call her SIL. DH 16 yrs older.
DH is in the Navy and travels thousands of miles every month to come home and to see his kids.
He travelled from Scotland and I from the South West a few months ago to spend our final weekend together in his home town in the North East before he was deployed with some friends also enabling us to have DSS with us.
We saw MIL but SIL was away partying in Newcastle for the weekend. She returned on the Sun eve but whatever reason DH didn't go and visit her before he drove back to Scotland.
SIL lives with DH mum.
SIL often phones DH asking for money for things as does MIL. They came here recently and we paid for their petrol as they were bringing DSS.
DH has been deployed I never hear from SIL or MIL when he is away even though I am FB friends with SIL.
Tonight SIL has texted me asking why DH didn't say goodbye to her before he left. I asked did you phone him? Did you offer to drive 5 miles down the road on your return from Newcastle to say goodbye to him? This is the first contact from her since Xmas - not even a FB "happy birthday" to me.
Her reply "I'm not arguing with you but I had been out the night before and didn't get in till 5 and had to drive home with a shit nights sleep"
Erm he's driven from Scotland - to see his son - and drives 1200 mikes every other weekend to see his other kids.
AIBU to feel fucking pissed off?
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/04/2013 23:26
Why is SIL phoning you to ask that? I would have replied "Why don't you ask him when he's back?" and left it at that rather than listing her bad behaviour.
She's obviously immature...don't play up to her...leave her to be a silly person without egging her on.
Bridgetbidet · 26/04/2013 23:35
Sorry, I've found this all a bit confusing. They bought his son to visit him so he paid for petrol, I think that's fair if they are doing him a favour by bringing DSS a visit.
I'm not really clear why it's her fault that he has to drive all over the country to see his kids?
She was a bit rude but I don't think it's anything to get worked up about. And you can phone her if you want, or your MIL. If you don't contact them they might not feel they are welcome to butt in when he's away.
AgentZigzag · 26/04/2013 23:39
She'd probably still be pissed if she'd been out on the lash until 5 wouldn't she? And not really in a state to drive.
With 16 years between them there are bound to be expectations of your DH as the 'big brother', but it's not on for her to try and draw you into her drama.
Agree with Neo to tell her to ask him about it. DHs sister tried telling me off for him forgetting their mums birthday, she's not really spoken since my reply 
Gossipmonster · 26/04/2013 23:41
Yes it's fine that we paid for their petrol.
Earlier in the month he gave MIL £100 because she was skint.
SIL booked a holiday in the summer but had no spending money as a "bday pressie" DH gave her £300.
It just pisses me off that they never contact us on my bday/his bday we do all the running and she's pissed off he didn't say goodbye.
She is an adult yet made no effort to say goodbye to her brother - if it meant that much to her?
Bridgetbidet · 26/04/2013 23:51
Yeah, she's rude. But your husband has to put his foot down about the money.
I don't think that this specific incident was serious but it sounds like it's just the straw that's broken the camels back.
A lot of families seem very funny in their ways to other people and often don't see each other or stay in touch much but that's just their way and it doesn't mean that they don't care about each other. Sometimes if you come from a family that doesn't operate like that it's difficult to get used to.
Is the money leaving you in difficulties when he gives it to them?
.SarahAndFuck · 27/04/2013 10:45
OP YANBU
We have similar. DH is about 250 miles away from home and so travels a 500 mile round trip to come home every weekend.
We get the same thing from some people, the expectation that we will do all the running because they want to see us. DH can do 500 miles travelling every weekend but nobody else could possibly then drive 5 miles to come and see him when he gets here.
We had a similar message from SIL once saying she really wanted to see us but she was cancelling the planned visit because she going out on Friday night and Sunday night. So she would not be able to visit us as planned on Saturday lunchtime as she would be recovering in the morning and getting ready in the afternoon, and so could we come to her the following weekend instead because she wouldn't have any money by then to spend on travelling to see us. She lives about six miles away.
This sort of thing happens a lot.
And while he was away in Afghanistan last year, PILs made a big deal on Facebook about having a son in a war zone and got a lot of sympathy from their friends because it must be so terrible for them, but they didn't once write to him, didn't send him a birthday card, didn't even post a message on his Facebook wall to say hello. There was no phone call or visit before he left, just a lot of hysteria once he was gone because they might never see him again.
And they complained that he didn't contact them as much as they thought he should, when in fact all the contact he did have with them, he initiated and got one or two words in response.
YANBU about the money, or about the expectations that your DH should do all the running about to suit the rest of his family.
And YANBU to ask them why they don't just contact him when they complain that he hasn't seen or spoken to them.
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