Am I? Some perspective please - DM

[tiredandtiredandtired]

DS was born November last year. My DGF (my dms dad) died a few weeks later after a thankfully short illness.

My mum came to see us in hospital after the birth, then once more after that. Then the next time I saw her was the funeral. We then saw them at Christmas (we drove the 1.5 hours to theirs). Didn't see DM the whole of January, and have seen her 4 times since then.

She doesn't phone (I left it 10 days at one point before giving in and phoning myself) and I'm waiting for a reply to a email question sent 4 days ago (she will have seen the email as it goes to her phone and its her work address). I'm just really disappointed as I thought I'd be fighting her away from our front door. Maybe my expectations were too high? Or am I not being considerate enough of her grief? I know she loves us v much, but I'd just like the offer of help....baby is nearly 6 months old and not once have we had any. Especially annoying when I know she was running about after my sil.

I don't know....I just want my mum to come and spend time with us, instead of feeling like I'm having to beg her to come round

1.5 hours is quite a distance, I'm surprised you've seen her so often tbh.

I was about that distance from my parents when my eldest two were born and we were lucky if we saw each other once a month, was often less.

Sorry, but you do sound a bit unreasonable

grief does funny things to you op. mum ended up in a care home for several months after dad died. I fear she will never be the same again. hopefully, you mum will recover with time and become more interested. 7 times in less than 6 months (not counting funeral) is quite good going really.

is sil more local to your mum?

She drives in to the city I live in 2-3 times a week for work, which I think bothers me most

Blackeyedsusan - yes, quite local, a 15 minute drive at most

Is this unusual behaviour for your mum?

How is she normally for replying to emails etc?

If it is out of character, shouldn't you be more worried about how she is rather than worried about what she's not doing for you?

First baby so I don't know what's usual and what's not....although she has always been a bit tardy with email replies.

Obviously I'm worried about her after her loss, but after comments from others about the amount of input their mothers have, and my hormones flying about, I needed to gain a little perspective from an outside view. I know I am luckier than a great deal of people but it's still upsetting when I don't have my grown up pants on

How do you get on with your mum?

I mean, were you hoping your baby would maybe bring you closer together?

Or even made you realise you just want your mum.

she may just be waiting to be asked

I dont see my mum much either but my siblings do.it maddens me that she doesnt see my child but she sees the others in a way i think yeah im upset because i see the rest of my family close and me to the back of their minds but on the other hand i dont think its out of mallice.she has said before that she knows im ok so its not that shes doesnt give a damn and i know if i really needed her she would do her best to help me so for me thats comforting enough.

Sounds like you've seen her quite a lot really, considering the distance you live away from her

If you want help I think you should ask her, but remember she's lost her dad recently too so maybe she's just not feeling up to it, which is understandable

Is it particularly that your mum's not coming round, or would you just be happy for her to show a bit of enthusiasm contacting you with emails/phone calls etc?

She is working. Full time?

Maybe she has stuff she wants to do on the weekends?