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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be angry with dh assuming of course it is true

17 replies

cheltenham84 · 26/04/2013 16:18

Ds2 whos has just turned 7 told me that dh left him at home when he went to pick ds1 up from cubs. He was probably gone 10 minutes. AIBU to,think this is not on or am I overreacting?. Ds2 didn't want to go apparently.

OP posts:

SantanaLopez · 26/04/2013 16:19

Overreacting. (depending on the child being sensible enough)

Madamecastafiore · 26/04/2013 16:20

Depends on whether child happy with it and you trust them. I'd leave DS alone to get dd from guides if needed be.

MrsMelons · 26/04/2013 16:20

He is being unreasonable to let a 7 YO dictate to him what he wants to do but some people are ok with leaving 7 YOs alone for a short time and some people aren't - there generally is an even split on MN over this.

I personally wouldn't and don't know anyone in RL who does FWIW.

IneedAsockamnesty · 26/04/2013 16:21

How responsible is ds?

I wouldn't do it and I would be hopping mad if anyone did it with my kids but 7/8 is a very subjective age for this sort of thing. Any younger and I would lose it but its a hard one than can only be decided on the child in question with this age group

MrsMelons · 26/04/2013 16:21

I also think he is unreasonable to do this for no real reason if it is not something you have discussed before.

Justforlaughs · 26/04/2013 16:22

Depends on whether there were strict ground rules set, whether your DS is likely to abide by those rules (eg. don't open the door), what the time was and whether it was dark (not sure why that's important tbh!) I would have done it with my DS3 but not my DS1. To many unknowns to say, expect to say that it is always better that decisions like this are made together. Speak to your DH about why you are uncomfortable with his decision.

SofaKing · 26/04/2013 16:23

My dh did this when I was in hospital, left dd and ds2 in bed to collect ds1 from a club. It was only two minutes walk away but I still feel it was irresponsible and he promised to never do it again. He didn't think it was a bad idea until I found out and told him I was upset.

Speak to you dh, find out if it happened, and if so ask him to never do it again until you have both talked and decided which age it would be OK to leave them home alone at, and how long they could be left for.

jojane · 26/04/2013 16:42

It's a hard one, my ds1 is 6.5. I know if I left him for 20 min or even an hour he would just sit an read or play on the iPad etc, he wouldn't wander about or mess about, could even probably rely on him not to open the door if I told him not to. BUT if something unexpected happened - a fire, or a burglary etc he would then panic and is way to young to know what to do. I know these things are rare but I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened (it's Sod's law the one time you leve them is the one time it happens, same reason why I unplug everything when we go on holiday, doesn't matter that for 51 weeks of the year it's all plugged in with out bursting into flames I am always convinced unless I unplug it I will come home to a pile of ashes!!!!)

HorryIsUpduffed · 26/04/2013 16:54

The first time DM left DB alone (more like 11 than 7) he decided to cook something to eat and cut his hand open on a tin of beans.

I'd be cross because (a) he let a 7yo decide and (b) you don't think he is sensible enough.

IloveJudgeJudy · 26/04/2013 17:02

Surely your DH is as much a parent to your DS as you are? Doesn't he get to make judgement calls? I would discuss it with him, but his way is not worse than yours; yours is not better than his. You are both parents and do things differently, not better and worse.

Original poster

cheltenham84 · 26/04/2013 17:39

I think i am partly cross because he allowed ds to dictate it. Ds wanted to fininsh his game and dh just gave. Also i don't think he isbsensible enough to be left. I think dh just did it because its easier.

OP posts:

VerySmallSqueak · 26/04/2013 17:45

I think just turned 7 is too young.
YANBU.

At the very least,something like this should be discussed and agreed beforehand.

foreverondiet · 26/04/2013 17:50

I think ok if child ok with it...

PicardyThird · 26/04/2013 17:58

I wouldn't leave my nearly 8yo alone, but dh would, with his 5.7yo brother, for a short period. He doesn't, though, because I have said NFW. Dh is from a country which has considerably laxer standards on child supervision than the UK, with 6yos walking alone to school over considerable distances, for example. But our rule is generally that on safety issues, the more cautious/conservative parent me prevails.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 26/04/2013 17:58

Although I never have done, I am 99% sure I could leave my DS1 (6.5) for 10 mins, to pop out. But I'm not about to do it yet, just for convenience's sake. And I would talk to DH about it first, because I feel it's a joint decision (despite doing the majority of childcare/rearing). I would be really angry if DH did this without talking to me first.

PicardyThird · 26/04/2013 17:59

(My kids don't walk to school alone. That's another NFW)

MrsMelons · 27/04/2013 19:25

I am not sure it even is anything to do with how sensible they are for 7, they are not responsible people at that age, anything could distract them from what they are supposed to do, I have seen it happen with children older than 7, they are not really reliable and should not be expected to be either.

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