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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Dh might have helped?

27 replies

Mosschops30 · 26/04/2013 11:40

Me and 'd' h have been separated just over a month.
It's been mostly amicable, I have agreed to split the house 50/50 and contact with dcs is reasonable.

I rang him today because I was going to mow the grass. He has a ridiculously heavy petrol mower and I couldn't start it, I asked if he had time this weekend would he come and do the garden so dcs can play out on it and I would get a mower myself soon.

He flatly refused, said I need to learn to do things myself and that he's 'happy to help but he's not a mug'

I'm just stunned!! Is it really a big ask, AIBU. I'm sure if his mother was on her own he wouldn't tell her she had to learn to do it

OP posts:
cantspel · 26/04/2013 11:44

There is a knack to starting a petrol mower. Give it a prime first (a couple of light pulls of the cord) and then give it the full pull to start it.
If it has not been used this season at all you might need to remove the spark plug and give it a quick clean.

DIYapprentice · 26/04/2013 11:44

Tricky, but on balance, given that HE chose a ridiculous lawn mower that you couldn't use and that you ARE getting a new one, he should have been willing to do it for your DC, especially if things have been pretty much amicable.

Cluffyfunt · 26/04/2013 11:45

Hi moss Smile

Yep he's being a smug dick!
Not a lot you can do about it.
Deep breath, shoulders back, serene smile, and pretend he hasn't wound you up.

He probably liked that you asked him and loved having the power to say 'no'.

bollockstoit · 26/04/2013 11:46

But how good would you feel if you did learn to do it? Might be worth a google.

Crinkle77 · 26/04/2013 11:46

Who initiated the split? Sounds like he may be reluctant if he did not initiate it. I sort of see where he coming from. Can't the children play on it anyway?

foxybingodotcom · 26/04/2013 11:50

I think it's probably out with the realms of what you would expect to do when you're separated. He may be worried about setting a precedent. You will eventually have to do these things for yourself.

You weren't being unreasonable to ask but I don't think he was unreasonable to refuse either...

MagicHouse · 26/04/2013 11:51

I would pull right back from him and get yourself a mower so that you don't need to ask any favours. Keep your communication short and polite. In some ways I can see his point, you're not together any more, and because of what's happened he's no longer a "friend" you can ask a favour from. Of course I can see your point, and all you wanted was your grass cut for your children. But ime, it's much easier to distance yourself and get on with life without him too closely involved, especially at first when it's all quite new and difficult.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 26/04/2013 11:52

I dont expect him to be coming over mowing it every week.
Its just that i cant start it, i have two slipped discs and its just not even biting.
Its not that i dont think i can mow my own lawn.
It was as if he got a bit of a kick out of saying he wouldnt do it that pissed me off

OP posts:
Awitchwithoutchips · 26/04/2013 13:20

Tell him you are selling the mower because you can't use it and buy yourself a nice light one with the proceeds!

eosmum · 26/04/2013 13:23

Put it straight up for sale, and get a lovely light electric one.

redskyatnight · 26/04/2013 13:27

Hmm. If he'd rung up and said that the DC wanted their favourite meal cooked for tea and could you come round and cook it ... what would you have said?

quoteunquote · 26/04/2013 13:30

Don't do yourself any more damage trying to mow it,

find the number of who ever it is that does garden maintenance locally who is good and reliable, and get them to cut the lawn, and what ever else needs doing, it won't cost much, and just to get the garden under control stress free for a month or so until you feel better worth it,

He is a Twonk if he won't do a simple thing to benefit his children, don't rise to it, just be thankful you are not wasting any more of your life on him.

I'm often run off my feet at this time of the year as is DH, sometimes when the garden is getting out of hand I phone up our local garden man/women couple, and he charges very little to come in and do a hour a week, he does quite a few gardens around here, so just pops in when in the road, it's really nice to come home and find it done.

MmeThenardier · 26/04/2013 13:31

Ebay it and get a more practical one.

What a cock (him)

PatPig · 26/04/2013 13:37

If you are living in the house, you should cut the grass.

Seems reasonable to me.

Longdistance · 26/04/2013 13:38

He's being a dick.

Go buy a light flymo with a grass basket, and he can keep the petrol mower when you get divorced.

PatPig · 26/04/2013 13:38

Also we haven't cut our grass in about 7 months and it doesn't stop the children playing on it.

Unless you live in the tropics or something?

ToomuchWaternotWine · 26/04/2013 13:39

You're now separated, so no he doesn't need to do you any favours, and you need to find other solutions to problems without involving him. I like the "cook tea" analogy upthread. Annoying, perhaps, but you need to get on with things yourself now.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2013 13:41

I'd be rather shocked at that.
So he wants 50% of the equity when sold but isn't doing anything to help maintain it!
Not on as far as I'm concerned.
And it's for HIS kids!
I'd be seriously pee'd off!

PatPig · 26/04/2013 13:46

It seems unlikely that the kids give a shit if the grass is neat and trim. Adults do though. Wink

Also it's normal for the tenant of a house to maintain it.

We PAY (rent) to stay in our house, we don't get any equity, and we still have to maintain it.

Only in fantasy entitled land is someone not living in a house, yet still presumably paying the mortgage, required to come round a clean/garden it.

worsestershiresauce · 26/04/2013 13:56

No, not his job. Pay someone if you can't do it yourself. You are separated now so neither is there to help the other out. You aren't going to maintain his living accommodation now, nor he yours.

Earthworms · 26/04/2013 14:02

Their is a knack to starting mowers, it doesn't need strength, but each individual machine will need the cord pulling in a certain way. ( eg, some engines need one long slow steady pull, some need 2 or 3 fast pulls sounds rude now I write it down...)
I can see his pov not wanting to help you, so the only logical thing to do would be to sell the damn thing and use the cash to pay a gardener / buy a more suitable mower.

DiscoDonkey · 26/04/2013 14:05

Hmm I'm a bit 50/50 on this one. Asking him to come start the mower for you maybe, asking to cut the lawns maybe a stretch too far? Dunno guess it depends on the cicumstances surrounding the break up.

Sokmonsta · 26/04/2013 14:09

Good lord! I can't start our petrol mower either. If I want to do it before dh comes home I wait until one of my neighbours is about.

I think asking him to help mow the lawn once wasn't beyond reasonable given the equipment available. But I'd definitely sell it now and get yourself one that is more manageable for you.

HandMini · 26/04/2013 14:21

Gosh, chalk it down to experience, sell the petrol mower and don't ask him for any more favours.

I think your ex was within his rights to say no, but a but of a twat to lord it over you for it. To be fair to the OP, when you've only separated a month and children and property are involved I imagine its quite hard to work out where the "lines" are drawn as to what is and isn't OK to ask.

ginmakesitallok · 26/04/2013 14:25

I think yabu, you've separated why should he come and cut your grass? Go get yourself a mower you can use.