to think that actually MIL isn't just insensitive, this is actually quite calculated and weird?

[gertrudetrain]

Name changed because under my other name I've always said my MIL is OK and have defended the older generation of grannies who are unwittingly upsetting their hyper sensitive DIL.

I may have just become one of these hypersensitive DIL myself but am about a voicemail I've just received from MIL. Background: I have just been released at beginning of this week from a 3 night hospital stint due to a ruptured ovarian cyst and a resultant infection. Came home to DS1 and DS2 consecutively having D&V so have had 2 children at home since - toddler DC and DS 1 then DS2. Haven't had much chance to recuperate but that's life as a mum, no problem. DH has gone to work since I got out of hospital cos he had stuff to do but has been having D not V himself.

This morning I get a voicemail from MIL saying can you let me know how DH is please?! No mention of the x3 other members of the family who have been ill. Just DH. Now I know DH has probably been moaning about feeling off to his mum. I know she is his mum and she has every right to be concerned but AIBU to think that in the first place she could have asked DH to let her know how HE is, it hasn't struck him dumb. Would it have hurt her to enquire about the rest of us too? DH and his family are not the naturally caring types so I often give them slack for being unthinking / insensitive but this seems a bit beyond that. AIBU?

I think all it means is that your DH has been feeling very sorry for himself and laid it on thick about how ill he is and what a strain the past week has been for him it's all been...

She probably thinks he is looking after you all !

I'd ring her and say "DH is fine" and then proceed to have a good long rant about how awful your week has been!

My PIL would never refer to me as their daughter-in-law. I was, when I was introduced at all (not often) introduced only by first name or rarely, as DH's wife. No mention either of the fact that I was the mother of the grandchild they loved to show off. Whenever we were out in public they treated me like the nanny.

People did find it odd-I used to get a few pitying looks or sympathetic nods.

Mummies love their little boys best always and forever....you will all see when yours are big boys.Laughing out loud and worrying about my darling boys of 43 and 39.

Do you think he may have laid it on a bit thick about him being ill and not really mentioned the rest of you?

She's being thoughtless and also quite rude. And as for "well it's just mummies love their little boys best forever" - thats no reason to be rude and ignorant towards the person raising your grandchildren. I think it's mean to leave a telephone message like that for you when you've been unwell and the kids have been unwell.

Unless maybe your DH hasn't actually told her you've been ill?

If he is that bad at communicating, are you sure she knows you've all been so ill? If she isn't usually awful it would seem an oddly thoughtless message.

She sounds more exasperated that her blooming son still hasn't rung her, and thinks you are more reliable!

Hope you're better soon.

J