Not sure if IABU or not, actually.
I have a friend who always wants to book things well in advance. She wants us to come over for dinner and is giving us dates in June. She is in her 50s, no children. We have 2 DSs, 3 and 6 years old. She wants the DSs to join us, so no babysitter issues. But the meal HAS to be an extended affair, if it?s a Saturday dinner we have to come earlier so she can spend some times with the DSs and she sets up a bed for them, but they take forever to get to sleep there and can be quite ratty the next day. Sunday lunches drag out and the DSs end up out of sorts on Monday morning. (Can?t be Saturday lunch time because her DH ALWAYS plays golf, it only gets cancelled for cricket at Lords and even then he tries to move golf earlier in the day to do both.)
But she can NEVER be spontaneous. Unless she has put it in her schedule, it doesn?t happen. She won?t meet up for a coffee if we happen to go to her town on a nice Saturday afternoon. (Various other commitments have been ? needing to update Linkedin Profile, moving spring wardrobe in and packing winter wardrobe up, needs to do some grocery shopping (this one is most common, even though she gets her groceries delivered), was looking at tiles for the bathroom, etc, etc. She was made redundant over a year ago, so it?s not like she doesn?t have the time if she WANTS to. But she just doesn?t WANT to. But quite honestly I really don?t like booking a lunch/dinner up so far ahead, but she just doesn?t seem able to operate on a timetable of less than a week or two in advance and actually prefers a month or so in advance.
She always offers to help me if I?m stuck, but the only time she managed it was when I got really ill on a day she and I had scheduled to get together with my DSs so I was ?in her schedule? so to speak, so she took the DSs out for the day without me. Every other time she has had other commitments so says no to helping but gets upset if I don?t ASK her to help when I?m stuck. (DH and I have no family in this country so I have no help other than what we pay for).
I have NEVER known her to alter a commitment, even if she is the only one involved! There is simply no give and take from her on this. But with 2 DSs, a DH who is working long hours and travels a lot, trying to get back to work myself and struggling with the juggling act at the moment, I'm feeling a bit aggrieved that it always has to be her way and she can never be flexible.
I have accepted it in the past, shrugged my shoulders and just said ?Ah well, it?s X?. But her controlling behaviour recently at a time when I was in a really bad place physically and emotionally really upset me. I know I?m still carrying a grudge about that and I?m not sure whether it?s colouring my perception of this.
So, hit me with it. AIBU, or is she? Or is it a bit of both?????