Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable...

13 replies

everythinghippie29 · 23/04/2013 22:10

I am 7 weeks with my first baby and am wondering if I'm being hormonal and crazy or reasonable. Please be nice if its the former!

My partner and I bought our house last year, it is 3 bedrooms and the smallest bedroom is currently used by my partners 'best friend' who works in Afganistan in a shop on a military camp. He is back for most of the summer and for random fortnights across the year. He was back when I found out I was pregnant ( which has come as quite the shock) and even in the week before he left again, after finding out he was inconsiderate and I felt quite rude. Ive been suffering Hyperemesis and was very sick, despite sitting in my lounge all day smoking and littering the floor with junk food wrappers, he didn't once ask if I was ok or even acknowledge me when my partner isn't home. Despite being so ill I cleaned the whole kitchen ( partly to help with the smells setting me off!) less than 10 mins later it was covered in bean juice, empty tins and unwashed bowls. I know its his holiday but he's a grown man acting like a teen.

Aside from this sort of behaviour he is also inconsiderate of my partners feelings. My partner asked him if he would like to go out for a drink with him following us finding out. He simply grumbled no, seemingly his favourite word, and instead spent the whole night again smoking weed on our sofa. I thought this was hurtful toward my partner especially given the shock news and the short time he was back.

I don't want to turf him out but I can't imagine him acting this way when I'm more pregnant/ hormonal. I don't know how to broach the subject of him possibly looking for somewhere else to stay when baby gets here, as I don't want to be seen as the bad guy and I'm not sure if it was hormones that got me so worked up.

what do you all think?

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/04/2013 22:14

Get rid of him. He shouldnt be smoking in YOUR house, especially while you are pregnant.

His feelings really dont matter here.

mummymeister · 23/04/2013 22:17

you are not being hormonal (oh ok maybe a bit) he is acting like an idiot. he has to stop smoking in your house now. it is very bad for a newborn to be around cigarette smoke. if he is going to be a guest in your house then he needs to start behaving like one. sorry but I think its time for him to go. doesn't he have other friends/family he could crash with when he is home? your house - your rules. tell him what they are and if he cant stick to them then he goes. how old is he btw.

MagicHouse · 23/04/2013 22:17

You need to set a date for him to be gone by! Seriously, you won't be wanting to deal with him when you're heavily pregnant or when the baby arrives. Talk to your partner about about it, saying that he'll need to give up the room and that you need to tell him sooner rather than later to give him time to make other arrangements.

ivanapoo · 23/04/2013 22:18

Why don't you want to turf him out?! Save dealing with a grumpy teenager for about 15 years time...

musicposy · 23/04/2013 22:19

Turf him out. You're going to want the house to yourselves from now on anyway, even if he was the patron saint of houseguests.

milktraylady · 23/04/2013 22:22

Kick him out!
Blimey he is taking liberties.

YoniMcShoni · 23/04/2013 22:22

Out he goes .

He seems to think he is back in his mothers house -well, he can go back there . He just needs a wee push.

Original poster
everythinghippie29 · 23/04/2013 22:24

He's 30 and he has tried to find housing before. He pays us about 40 quid a month to keep his stuff here throughout the year but I feel guilty demanding he just leave. I don't want to be THAT girlfriend. Seems like a good idea to maybe set a date for him to go when baby arrives. I guess that gives him a fair amount of time? I just didn't want to be overreacting!Grin Grin

OP posts:
MagicHouse · 23/04/2013 22:30

Don't feel guilty - this is your family home - he should be mature enough to suggest he leaves now, it shouldn't be up to you. If he digs his heels in, all the more reason to make sure he goes - you don't need inconsiderate people around you when you're pregnant, and especially not when the baby comes. Just be very friendly, polite and assertive if he puts up an argument, and make sure he does go!!

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2013 22:34

Why on earth would you not be shoving him out the door?
You haven't given one good reason why you are putting up with this. And the weed smoking won't be doing you very much good right now (or later). The longer he stays, the harder it will be to get rid.

Make him go.

Original poster
everythinghippie29 · 23/04/2013 22:36

I think this has sealed it. He is back overseas now but due home in June. I will tell him then we need privacy and a none smoking house until then. thank you for not branding me a diva who just wants to get rid!!

OP posts:
YoniMcShoni · 23/04/2013 22:42

So he buys the ability to treat your home like his doss house for the princely sum of £10 a week - whoopee do !

What does he pay for his full time stays ? What else does he contribute to the home?

tethersend · 23/04/2013 22:48

Be that girlfriend.

She sounds great.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread