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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel like nobody cares about ME?

50 replies

ariane5 · 23/04/2013 09:43

Woke up this morning with something I get once every few months-severe dizziness and feeling sick. I literally dragged myself up and asked dh to take ds2 for me as I couldn't hold him without nearly falling over.

I felt so bad and was sick quite a bit so asked dh could he take the day off, take older 2 dcs to school and help me with dd2(3) and ds2 (1). He said no he has too much to do at work-jobs going out today and so much work to catch up with (he has a lot of time off anyway for dcs hosp appts). He phoned MIL asked her would she sit with me today/help out a bit, she said no she was busy today.

I asked my mum would she be able to take a day off (she's a ta in school where dcs attend) but she said no her jobs too important to miss a day.

I'm sitting here now on the sofa, tje room is spinning, ds2 is in the playpen and dd2 is playing. I want to go to sleep but dd2 has really unstable diabetes so can be fine one minute, hypo the next so I can't stop watching her.I feel like rubbish and can't believe that NOBODY would help me today, especially dm (I have helped her loads in past when dsis was ill so that she didn't have to leave work but recently stopped as it was too much for me)

AIBU to feel so annoyed? I feel completely let down

OP posts:

LemonPeculiarJones · 23/04/2013 10:33

Oh bless you, you poor thing. You must feel so vulnerable and sad that no one helped out today. It doesn't necessarily mean you aren't cared for - perhaps they don't understand the severity of how you're feeling.

I too thought of Ménière's disease - a friend has it. She doesn't get ringing in her ears, but dizziness, sickness, feeling weak.

Here are some treatments

Even if you can't use some of the possible drug treatments now, because of bf, it might still make you feel supported to have a diagnosis and a plan for future treatment.

I'd see another doctor if you can. And make sure that your DH understands you need more support - perhaps he can book in a day off soon to relieve you, or promise to do the childcare all weekend so you can rest.

My sympathies - childcare whilst feeling ill is awful

UnChartered · 23/04/2013 10:36

absolutely call them, tell them how bad you feel and you need treatment - there could well be a new drug out?

it's got to be worth a shot, even if it means you get it on your notes that you are a recurrent sufferer

DublinMammy · 23/04/2013 10:39

So crap there is no-one to help you out. I always think it's so unfair that when my DH or DCs are unwell, I look after them but when it's me, not only is there no-one to look after me but I still have to look after the DCs. My tactic is to let everyone do whatever they want (endless Ben 10? Fine. Chocolate spread on toast for lunch? Fine. Everyone in their jammies at 5pm? Even better. Etc.) Try to take it easy and hopefully your husband can come home a little early to help. Good luck

Original poster

ariane5 · 23/04/2013 10:42

I will see if I can get dh to book a day off in next week or two and see gp. I only get this every few months but when I do it is a huge inconvenience. Not sure he will be able to though, he isn't even meant to be in work himself as dislocated his shoulder just over a week ago and was meant to be signed off but ignored that advice.

OP posts:

Oopla · 23/04/2013 10:50

Ariane- I remember your thread about having to look after your dsis and all your DC's all day.
I'm really glad you don't seem to be stuck in with dsis anymore but can see why you'd be upset that your family haven't returned the favour.

Not sure what the outcome was after that thread if you confronted your mum or your sis but please take this as an opportunity to see that if they really cared they would have tried to help you or at least seemed sorry they couldn't

Really hope your DH can sneak home early and help you out, take it easy x

Original poster

ariane5 · 23/04/2013 11:07

I think dm is still probably slightly annoyed I withdrew a lot of help, shortly after that thread dsis took herself to hospital for a few days with non specific pain and begging for an operation (they refused) and dm wasn't happy at having to take time off so I suspect her refusal to help today has a lot to do with that.

Ds2 is having a nap now and dd2 blood sugar level is ok so I'm at least getting to sit down.

Unfortunately I think I have no option but to just get on with things and accept that nobody is ever going to be in a position to help me.DH seems to finally have seen the light about mil today-he was fuming when she said she didn't feel like going out today (lot of background there he has helped her immensely and I don't think he will be ever again).

OP posts:

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 23/04/2013 11:47

I'm really sorry you're feeling so unwell, whereabouts are you op? How about calling homestart and seeing if they can help. Hope you feel better soon. I would say have a break from the computer screen because that cannot help if your head is spinning

Original poster

ariane5 · 23/04/2013 12:12

I am in nw london.

Have a lovely homestart lady but her day is wed 930-12 so at least I will see her tomorrow she is wonderful.

True, being on phone then looking up doesn't help !

OP posts:

maddening · 23/04/2013 12:22

Can you see if there are any home help services available (at cost obviously)

idlevice · 23/04/2013 12:42

Definitely go for further medical help OP. Could it be triggered by something in your diet/environment/hormones/anything?? Have you done a bit of research about this condition - there may be a way of preventing the attacks or an alternative treatment? Most prominent conditions have some sort of group or society to represent sufferers - if this one does you could find some more info on their website. You could even post on the health section of MN.

Birdsgottafly · 23/04/2013 12:45

Your DH is the only person who has let you/your children down. Not to sound harsh but I would very pissed off if the TA's/Teachers took days off to help out with a relatives children, who had a DH that could claim unpaid leave, different if it is your own children and whilst your care giving may be less than ideal at present, you are managing. I agree that your MIL should have been willing and I agree with looking into having temporary emergency child care numbers.

Plathism · 23/04/2013 12:45

It sounds like Meniere's disease to me too - my mum has it. Doctors are notoriously bad at diagnosing it.

Original poster

ariane5 · 23/04/2013 12:54

I don't think there are any triggers for it-I seem to just suddenly get it every few months but sometimes more often if I'm particularly tired.

At least half the day is gone now, can't wait for dh to get home I think I will just go straight to bed when he does and hopefully will be ok tomorrow.

OP posts:

AnyoneforTurps · 23/04/2013 13:06

Doctors are notoriously bad at diagnosing it Actually Meniere's is notoriously over-diagnosed. As many as 9 people out of every 10 diagnosed with it have something else

OP hasn't got Meniere's (hearing unaffected). She probably has BPPV - leaflet here.

Epley's manoeuvre can help (see leaflet) but not all GPs are trained to do it and it can't be done at home so Brandt-Dorff exercises may be a better option for the OP - info here.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/04/2013 13:06

It sounds as if you have Vertigo - I get that sometimes. For me it started after I had such a bad cold that my ears became blocked. Every cold since then, I get very mild vertigo - just makes me feel a little dizzy, thankfully. Can you remember if anything like that preceded the start of your vertigo? My very first attack of vertigo though was the full-on seasickness version, where I couldn't move my head to the side or up/down without vomitting, I'm guessing that's where you are now, my sympathies.

A friend-of-a-friend had vertigo for a couple of years (gulp!), she saw a physio for an exercise routine (involved eye movements etc.) that she found very helpful. Perhaps that would be worth looking into I googled 'vertigo physiotherapy', there's quite a lot of info on it.

Plathism · 23/04/2013 13:12

Oh really Anyone? I was just repeating what my mother told me....probably a bad idea

AnyoneforTurps · 23/04/2013 13:13

Maybe the Meniere's had affected her hearing, Plathism?

Plathism · 23/04/2013 13:17

Arf, well yes she is almost deaf now Anyone, but it started many many years ago with just dizziness and sickness. I guess she meant it's difficult to diagnose rather than that doctors are bad at it.

WhyWhyY · 23/04/2013 13:29

I feel really bad for you, it's awful when you really need help but there isn't any available.
I think you are being unreasonable to assume they should take a day off BUT I really do feel for you. I don't have any better advice than the others given but just wanted to reach out for you with a cyber hug and thoughts. Hang in there.

pigletmania · 23/04/2013 13:35

That is absolutely shit op, poor you have a and . It's horrid that your dh work is more important than looking after his Chidren when his wife is very sick, your mil is dreadful, dh should limit the help to her. Big hugs to you

dimsum123 · 23/04/2013 14:03

Oh OP, I'm in SW London, if I was nearer you I would have gladly helped you out for a few hours.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 23/04/2013 14:19

I'm in north London op, pm me next time and ill pop round with my ds and help out gladly

Original poster

ariane5 · 23/04/2013 14:50

Thankyou for the offers of help. That's really kind

Still feeling dreadful but dh is finishing work early at 430 so hopefully I will get a rest later.

OP posts:

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 23/04/2013 16:06

That's good news. It seems whenever I'm feeling crap or ds is playing up, do finishes work late

Pinkelephanty · 24/04/2013 14:21

When I'm ill and am unable to look after the children dh has to stay off work/leave work to have them. There's no one else to help and nothing else that can be done. It doesn't matter how busy he is at work or whether they like it or not, they need care and he's their dad.

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