To not want my son to spend equal time with his dad?

[mrspinkspanx]

My eldest son is from my previous relationship and is now 11 years old.

His dad is now asking for him to stay every other week with him. Which I've initially responded with a no.

Currently we have a every other weekend arrangement, where he'll stay from Friday to Sunday eve, and one evening every week where he goes for a few hours.

I want my son to have a place he calls home, so not fitting with a 50/50 arrangement.

I deal with all his school, medical and emotional needs and I don't know how I can now divide this. I also feel implementing this at 11 is too late and disruptive.

Also, my ex got my back up by saying that now his daughter is at school age their home life is accommadating for him to be able to do this. So it made me feel like this is an idea based on convenience.

Should I reconsider?

[OhLori]

I think children need a place they call home. Its lovely if they can see the other parent or stay with them, but I think its confusing for children to have two "homes", and completely unnecessary in terms of shared parenting.

Children are not slabs of meat that you divide physically 50:50. That is in the best interests of their child IMO.

A person who truly loved and cared about their child I believe would like them to have a stable home first-and-foremost.

So, OP I would trust your instincts on this one, certainly don't be bullied by an ex-partner.

[OhLori]

That is not in the best interests of child, sorry.

[mynewpassion]

I think its mean to think the main reason they want more contact because they can't have any more children instead of that his wife's health has been more stabilize than in the last few years. She was in for a transplant at least twice as her body has rejected two livers. She has to go to the hospital/clinic for dialysis pretty often in the week.

So her body has been ravished physically and her mental health probably wasn't great either.

[UC]

It is possible for children to live 50/50 and not be confused, and to feel that they have 2 homes. It doesn't mean they are slabs of meat.

Do you have the kind of relationship where you could actually all sit down together and discuss this openly, rather than all trying to second guess eachother's motivations?

[mrspinkspanx]

Yes it is all amicable. Good idea, I'm sure then it won't feel like its all on my shoulders.