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AIBU?

To not learn to drive/get a car.

54 replies

sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 13:37

Am
Expecting dc3 in October, I've never learnt to drive, dh drove years ago but hasn't done since before we met. We've never owned a car. We live on the very outskirts of London-zone five, so like living in a small town, but with excellent transport links- the tubes 5 min walk away and there's loads of buses.
Both our families think that as we're having another dc I should learn to drive before its born ( which would be no mean feat given I've not ever had a single lesson!) and we should get a car. Aside from the huge amount of money that would cost, which with 3dc could be spent on something far more worthwhile (imo) I just really don't want to drive.
I like walking everywhere/chatting to people on the bus/living a slightly slower paced life because it takes us a little longer to get places.
Our older dc will be 6&3 in October.
Aibu to tell our family that I have no plans to drive, which seems to them to equal total madness?

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claig · 19/04/2013 15:20

MadBus, there was a case recently where a girl was stabbed to death on a bus. There are cases where yobs rob phones of young people on buses.

A man was attacked on a public train in Manchester by two men after a football match in front of his daughter on a packed train and no one helped.

I would rather travel by car than on packed public transport for a lot of journeys.

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fubbsy · 19/04/2013 15:25

Yes but hundreds of people are killed and seriously injured in car crashes in this country every year. I wouldn't agree that cars are safer than public transport. Those shocking events you describe are rare, that's why we hear about them. Car crashes are so common they mostly don't qualify as news.

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MadBusLady · 19/04/2013 15:33

Not only are they rare, but the public transport element is pretty incidental. People can be attacked or have their phone snatched walking down the street, going round the supermarket, sitting in the park. You can't stop doing all those things just because of the one in a million time that happens.

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MadBusLady · 19/04/2013 15:33

(The fact that public transport can often be irritatingly rammed is a whole other can of worms, of course. )

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claig · 19/04/2013 15:38

We are always told about how good public transport is, but the reality is that it is crowded and people get stressed when crowded and lots of incidents do occur on public transport.

'You can't stop doing all those things'

You can reduce them by travelling by car. The politicians mainly travel by car or even first class if they are able to, in spite of advising others to use public transport.

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MadBusLady · 19/04/2013 15:42

If you say so, claig. The only times I notice stressed people on public transport in London tends to be when there are lots of tourists around. Commuting times are actually very efficient and quiet because everybody walks quickly, doesn't fuss and knows what they're doing.

I suddenly realise my nn is probably not reassuring you here.

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claig · 19/04/2013 15:45

Yes, your nickname proves my point precisely

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fubbsy · 19/04/2013 15:49

Well claig you are free to choose any method of transport you like, but I still disagree that private cars are always preferable. I take public transport sometimes and drive other times, depending on the circumstances. And for me, saying that politicians use cars is NOT a plus point

The OP is NBU at all in choosing to use public transport, he that'swhat she prefers. If her family members are putting pressure on her,they are the unreasonableones.

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 19/04/2013 15:54

Have they said why they feel a car is so vital?

If not - ask them.

I bet you can answer each one of their concerns!

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sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 15:56

Well my oldest will be 6 in the summer so I'm hoping we've got a little while yet until she wants picking up after the last bus.
Although night buses run 24 hours to a short walk from our house so there's no such thing as missing the last one.
As for late night safety until very recently I was getting public transport home from work after midnight three nights a week and have done that for 7 years. Not once have I come across any trouble. I grew up in the country and we used to walk for miles cross country to get anywhere as teens due to no buses. Sometimes teens would fall into ditches and freeze to death, other times they'd break ankles etc...we also used to take risky lifts with people we barely knew who'd been drinking. I'd far rather my teen was on a cctv'ed and well lit bus/train In London than out in the country!!!!

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claig · 19/04/2013 15:56

'Have they said why they feel a car is so vital?'

Could it be that it is easier for you to visit them with the grandchildren if you have a car? Are they getting old and is driving more difficult for them when visiting?

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claig · 19/04/2013 16:01

'I grew up in the country and we used to walk for miles cross country to get anywhere as teens due to no buses. Sometimes teens would fall into ditches and freeze to death, other times they'd break ankles etc'

Do they live in the country, are they fed up of falling into ditches when trying to visit the grandchildren and would they prefer to be picked up in a car for once in a while?

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sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 16:07

They live a 45 min train journey from London, and a short bus ride from the station. We visit them regularly without a car ATM, can't see why that would change.
And they're far from old, my mum just 60.
They just see driving as something that marks you as a responsible adult, and having 3 children when you've not done all the things that a grown up should have done is just wrong (in their opinion!)
They would like us to have a shiny car and pull up in it so the neighbours see us, rather than traipsing from the bus stop with rucksacks...

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sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 16:08

nope, they have two shiny cars which they use to visit us.

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claig · 19/04/2013 16:10

'They would like us to have a shiny car and pull up in it so the neighbours see us, rather than traipsing from the bus stop with rucksacks...'

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable Middle England aspiration. I think Mrs Bucket would have agreed with them entirely and would have wanted driving lessons to commence as soon as possible!

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sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 16:16

my mum is far more Boden than bucket bless her, but they are similar ( though my mum would be horrified to hear it!!!)

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claig · 19/04/2013 16:17

Is your mum a Daily Mail reader, because she sounds like my type of person

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LadyFlumpalot · 19/04/2013 16:17

You would be unreasonable if you lived here. We have one bus a week. On a Thursday. It doesn't do a return journey.

However, living within walking distance of excellent public transport, then no, I don't think you are.

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sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 16:18

Long term guardian subscribers I'm afraid!

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sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 16:22

One bus a week with no return?!? Where does it take you to? Sounds like a premise for a Beckett play!

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claig · 19/04/2013 16:22

'Long term guardian subscribers I'm afraid!'

That explains it entirely. YANBU, they are BU since they choose to read such a rag!

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LadyFlumpalot · 19/04/2013 16:27

From my hamlet up to Shaftesbury, which is practically a city in comparison to the collection of houses I live in.

Now you mention it, it is a bit sinister... All the old ladies get it up there to shop an have cups of tea, then they get taxis home.

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sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 16:34

Oh claig, your dedication to the cause of converting the country to the DM is almost admirable (I'm afraid I caught the guardian affliction from my parents at a young age, you would probably call it brainwashing )

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sillyoldfool · 19/04/2013 16:37

Do they definitely all come home from Shaftesbury? There might be hoards of them being farmed there with no chance of getting home

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claig · 19/04/2013 16:39

'I'm afraid I caught the guardian affliction from my parents at a young age, you would probably call it brainwashing'

Brainwashing is too polite to describe what I really think of it

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