AIBU?
to read anything into a wink
JollyJumpingJelly · 18/04/2013 23:29
My ex came to see dd today. He acted like normal with me, chatted for about 20 minutes about general things then I went to tidy up the mountains of plates kitchen. But as he went he said I'll let myself out, see you next week, and winked. AIBU to read anything more than being friendly into it?
. However, I assume you know your ex's facial tics and if this isn't normal, is it possible he was nervous?JollyJumpingJelly · 19/04/2013 00:00
I think I want what we used to have back, which realistically wouldn't happen.
I think I'm a bit lonely too, and he's always the one there still.
He cheated on me during the pregnancy , so that would always be lurking in my mind, but it does feel like we've got so much more relaxed and happy with each other than even in the end of the relationship the past few months. I think I'm just clutching at straws really.
OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 19/04/2013 00:04
And he is always there because you have a child together. If you didn't and he had just cheated on you, you wouldn't have the contact and you would probably have moved on.
Sorry Jolly , loneliness can be a horrible time. I am a single mum too if you ever want to chat/pm. Isn't MN a godsend for long evenings!
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 19/04/2013 00:08
You could easily go back there and it would be great for, oooooh, about two weeks, and then you will remember what a tosser he is as a partner and have to go through the splitting up process again and you might not make it through on good terms again this time.
Don't be swayed by a cheeky wink 
ClearlyDad · 19/04/2013 16:55
Hmmm, at the risk of being torn apart... here's my take.
You're probably right to read something into the wink. Everything that happened in that exchange was perfectly normal, happy, family type stuff (resembling in many ways the interactions my wife and I have). Up until the point where he walks out... he'd probably really enjoyed his visit with his kid and you and felt he was doing something meaningful by helping out and washing the pots (you're hardly describing a scumbag here.
He may well find you extremely attractive (you are, after all, the mother of his child) and be inwardly feeling a complete prat for ever letting you go.
You have got a child, who you don't want to mess up, and a lot of other things going on in life. The wrong thing to do is to let anything happen on an assumed basis (EITHER "accidentally" sleeping with him OR driving him away out of fear).
One time when he visits... preferably whilst he is doing something like cleaning the toilet/washing the pots (cleaning the toilet is better for this... men will then keep their hands to themselves so you can finish saying what you want to say without ahem distractions, and are also unlikely to run down the street in marigolds if it goes the other way)... have a serious chat about possibilities WITH RULES. So "I'd like to see more of you, but that means XXX", "If you don't do XXX you're out". Finish with a line like "we're not kids any more, we'd have a responsibility to do this right." Then put him on probation for a couple of months (no sex, but quality time together). Honestly (speaking as a guy), you'd be making an offer he couldn't refuse... he'll either say "we're best as we are" or "I'd like that" and either way you'd know.
Be an APE... Assess, Plan, React!
everlong · 19/04/2013 17:08
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