to love being just a couple with my DP so much that I don't want us to have children?

[Jescha]

I'm 34 and should probably be getting on with it (in my PIL's opinion...)

He doesn't listen, no Alibaba, so it's pointless arguing but it does make visits awkward! I agree with you that it's a choice you need to make for yourself, irrespective of your DP.

And he's not an only child, but his sister has always vowed she will never have DCs!! She's a bit younger than us though and can do no wrong in PILs eyes. I reckon they assume she'll change her mind.

Meh. Do what you want. I think you'll find a lot of people don't give a shit if you have kids or not because it won't affect their lives in any way if you do or don't.

Fakebook I have indeed found that.

Nope, you can live your life how ever you like.

Thats great you feel that way. I did too and we almost didn't bother either. However having kids has been just amazing and beyond my imagination. I now wish I'd had them earlier.

each to their own, of course there is no right way.

I don't think you should think of what FIL wants. What you and DH want is key.

take your PILs out of it completely. They are neither here nor there in this.

If you really don't want them you really shouldn't have them and that is a great decision to make. I'm all for women making that decision and being proud of it. That's not the decision I made but I really think it's good that these days no one has to if they don't want to.

On the other hand, if you are secretly flicking the v at your PILs then stop! Just focus on what you want and then do it. Good luck!

There's nothing wrong with not having children if you feel that's right for you.

I used to feel like that. I thought we'd have children one day, but never really felt ready. Then I got pregnant which was unplanned, and it was a huge shock at first. I used to think I wouldn't be a good mother, I hate cooking, I'm not very tidy, I'm a bit lazy and like to have time to myself, not great things really for a traditional mother! It's all worked out fine though, I have two teenagers and love them to bits! I enjoyed them so much when they were little, I'd even love another child, perhaps I'm a bit old now though!

Do what you want, what you think is right. Your PILs sound awful!

Dr Johns you're right, I do need to get over that!

I miss being a couple, I miss laying in bed all sun if I want, I miss watching grown up tv in the day, I miss pub lunches and popping for a drink after work which turns into an all nighter, I miss browsing around the shops, I miss going to the cinema all the time, i miss backpacking around Thailand, I miss working in France and Italy, I miss relaxing holidays etc etc
But these days I get to have little people tell me they love me everyday, I get to teach them how to read and see their joy when they get it right, I get to go on woodland walks and see the joy in every flower and pine one and oddly shaped twig, I get to watch kids films at the cinema and not feel like a weirdo, I get to buy toys I want my kids want and then play with them, I get to make costumes, I get to show my kids the world , I get to google answers to questions I wouldn't even give a second thought to like why do snails have shells and not slugs, what are the moons of jupiter called? Etc etc.
It's a different life, a different stage, one day they will move out and we will be a couple again, free to laze in bed and go to the pub just with phone calls and emails and photos and visits from the children to smile at and hopefully grandchildren to spoil one day

that's lovely jojane

Although your pre DCs life sounds nicer than mine was! But then I use the DCs as an excuse not to go to the pub (hate pubs!) so I agree with your general point that there are upsides on both sides of the fence.

Jojane. I agree

Never been tonThaliand, or backpacked, though ...

OP.

It is completely rational to not want children, to worry about the effecton you as a couple - it is for some people, for some of the time a negative effect.

I didn't feel broody at all when me and DH decided to start trying for a baby. Really we just started ttc because we had just got married the year previously, were both in our early thirties and thought it would probably take a bit of time. As luck would have it, I got pregnant straight away and was delighted, but I would say that I only had that broody craving feeling for a child after dd was born (which led to the conception of ds very shortly afterwards!)

jojane that's a lovely post.

primrose PILs aren't awful exactly, not malicious at all, but they are the kind of people who never question anything, despite being v intelligent, so traditional and conservative, live in a v small world and have never had an original thought in their lives. I know that sounds harsh but we are just v different and its a total personality clash.

YANBU. If you don't want children, don't have them.

But, I think it's important that your and DP totally agree on this. Because in 10 years time it'll be too late to change your mind, but it won't be too late for him to change his.

Sorry if I sound bitter and cynical, but it is something to think about.

It is important Imagine but I do feel very strongly about not having a child unless I 100% want to do it, because I know myself and I'm shit at doing things I don't completely believe in/want to do. If DP decides he wants them then better to do it with someone else.

I think your absolutely right. It's a huge commitment and I would find it impossible if it wasn't what I truly wanted.

Jescha, there was an article in the Guardian Family section a couple of weeks ago about a woman who had a very happy marriage and who had chosen to remain childless. Did you read it? It was food for thought.

I don't think you're crazy enough to abstain from parenthood solely on the basis that it pisses the PILs off, btw .

No I didn't see that Clarty, will have a look for it on their website :)

yanbu if you both feel the same , i know a few couples without children and they got asked all the time when you having kids then like its the done thing , until they hit 40 then everyone stopped and accepted it , dont feel pressured if you really dont wont them its you who will be skint , tired etc no one else.

Jescha

I also feel strongly about not doing things I don't feel 100% about, but having children was an exception. Don't really know how to explain it, but with something so important, I think not having fears, reservations would be odd.

Jamie I know what you mean and I know everyone worries about the surface things that having DCs will affect, money, job, time to yourself, sleep etc. But I'm talking about that deep down feeling of knowing what's right for you. And I can see that motherhood and children are wonderful but not for me. I don't know why, that's just how it is :)