DH & I have 11m old DD. DH has MH issues & hasn't worked in a few years, he is currently full time SAHD. I work part time (was full time but dropped my hours so I could support DH at home.) Consequently, we don't have a lot of money. PILs are also not very well off, they live mostly on benefits.
My problem is this: how can I tactfully tell my PILs that I don't like the things they buy for DD? Is it possible or should I just leave it?
They often come round with toys and/or clothes for her. They are mostly second-hand although that in itself doesn't bother me - I regularly shop in charity shops for all 3 of us, but I am picky & only buy things that are in decent condition. What does bother me is the fact that the clothes, toys etc are almost invariably: broken or worn out, poor quality, unsuitable, or dirty. They don't clean them before giving them to her (& they usually come round when I am at work) or they have them at their house for her to play with. They don't fix them if they are broken. They give her things that are really not suitable or even safe (think a small beaded bracelet given to a 7 month-old, things with sharp edges, likelihood of splinters) or, TBH, some of the stuff they get her is just crap. Clothes are often damaged or have buttons missing - this is less of an issue as I am quite capable of fixing them.
I've spoken with my DH about the suitability & cleanliness of items before, he promised he would get them to clean a particular toy before giving it to her, but when I went round a couple of weeks later, she was playing with it on the floor. It was filthy. He doesn't seem to get it that their lack of thought is potentially endangering DD's safety.
I don't want to alienate or offend them - I get on with them ok, they adore DD & do help us out sometimes, eg taking us to the shops when we need it - they have a car & we don't.
I have strategically 'lost' a few items that came to our house in the past - but this isn't practical or fair. I also feel guilty for deliberately hiding things so she can't get them, as they have spent some of their limited money on DD. We can't watch DD like a hawk every second of the day to make sure she doesn't hurt herself on the unsuitable things they get her.
Please help - what should I do? Speak to them - what should I say? Ignore it? Carry on 'losing' things? Or am I just being an ungrateful cow?