To be in a dilemma and feel I'll let someone down whatever I do

[badbelinda]

My Mum and I managed to get tickets for an event in the Summer that we've been trying to get to for years. It's several hundred miles away and involves us staying away overnight the night before and after. We're both really excited about it and I was particularly looking forward to spending a bit of time with Mum on our own, she had breast cancer a couple of years ago and although is ok now, time with her seems precious and we don't see enough of each other as we live about 3 hours drive apart.
Meanwhile DD 9yrs has recently joined the junior section of the local amateur dramatics group, is very keen and is taking part in her first play which of course is on the same day that I'm meant to be away with Mum. Her part is very small and when I mentioned to her that it might clash with the trip (which she knew about before) she said of course I shouldn't miss it to go to her play (which I thought was really mature of her) but I never miss any of the things the kids are involved with if at all possible. I also know if Mum knew about the play she would probably understand if I said I couldn't go to the event.
However I feel really torn and that I'll let someone I care about down whatever I decide. AIBU to find this a dilemma? Is the answer obvious and I'm just not seeing it?

Go to the summer event.

Call your dd before the play, have someone video it, call her after the play, make an event out of watching the taped play when you return and take her out for a treat to show your appreciation at her maturity and understanding.

Can you see DD at a final dress rehearsal? Can her dad go on the night?

The answer is obvious, go with your Mum and get someone to record the play and have a little 'dvd party' to all sit and watch it when you get home.

Go away with your mum.

Can you arrange for someone else to definitely be DD's "audience" eg DP, aunt, uncle, her best friend's mum, etc? I don't think you should pull out of the event with your Mum. Your DD doesn't think so either! There will be other plays with your DD. Time is precious with your mum.

Go to the event. It teaches your daughter about having commitments, and encourages her to see you as a person who is allowed to enjoy herself. As long as she has a couple of people there. And you'll go to her next one!

Your DD is right. Go on the trip.

I would find out if you can watch the dress rehearsal, and make sure someone else close to dd can go to the play and take lots of photos and maybe film it. Then make a big fuss of your dd and tell her how much you appreciate her maturity and kindness and make a big deal out of getting excited at the pictures. You could have a special screening of the play at home if someone films it, and get some popcorn and treats to all watch it together.

I think you should go to the event with your mum but ensure there are plenty of other people who go and see the play.

Sorry to sound a bit of a moaner, but re: the suggestion of it being recorded/videoed, it is highly likely that this would not be permitted - if the piece is in copyright, it would be illegal to do so. If the piece is written by the group, then it may be possible.

Definitely go to the summer event with your mum.

As others have said, go away with your mum and reward your DD for her act of unselfishness.

Thanks all, that seems pretty unanimous!

Your DD is being wonderful, let her. What a lovely child. When she is famous you can tell the tabloids that you missed her first performance because she is such a nice person.