To think my brother and his partner have a bit of a shoddy attitude?

[Sarah0378]

Sorry I don't mean this to be long but I don't want to drip feed.

My brother had 2 children with his ex. They are now 11 & 13. He has been with his current partner for about 6 years, they have 2 children aged 5 & 3. My brother works, his partner used to work but is now a sahm.

During a conversation with our dad the other day he said that DBs partner was really annoyed because they were having to pay maintenance for DBs older kids and she didn't think it was fair the money came out of their benefits (I assume tax credits).

She is also annoyed that as my DB has 2 other kids, they count as child1 & child2 so they only get the lower rate of child benefit for the 2 children she has with DB, child3 & child4 and she thinks this is unfair because they are her first two.

Our dad was suitably outraged along with her about this (think Daily Fail readers). In the same conversation our dad told me that DB loves his gadgets and has just got a new big flat screen and they have recently got a new car. I was a bit about this.

DH and I are on one salary, we make allowances and budget so that I can be a sahm to our 2 DC. We manage on one wage that is probably similar to my DBs, except in the country we live in you don't get benefits so we have to budget and tbh it's not rocket science. If we couldn't afford the flat we live in we would move to somewhere we could afford. We didn't have children before we could afford to, that is just the way it is done here. I told our dad that I was quite shocked that if we lived in the UK we would be entitled to quite a few benefits because we can manage on what we have, we're certainly not well off but we pay our bills and have a nice flat. We couldn't afford a car but that's just the way it is and doesn't bother us.

I am quite shocked that my DB and his partner feel so entitled to extra money and get narky when they don't have it all. I can't help feeling that if they wanted 2 children and she wanted to be a sahm then they should learn to budget on what they earn. They would have enough if they didn't own a car and didn't buy gadgets.

How are they even entitled to any type of benefit, is this the standard sort of thing? DBs partner knew from the start that DB had 2 children, why does she think they don't count? They are also the sort of people to complain about schools and NHS but they don't seem to put everything together and think 'You know what, the money has to come from somewhere so if we don't claim benefits we don't really need then there will be more money in the pot for schools and medical care'

Our dad just didn't get it and didn't understand at all why what they are doing is a bit wrong. I'm under the view that benefits should be there for people that actually need them and feel like DB & his partners attitudes are a bit shoddy.

[phantomnamechanger]

wordfactory, agree 100%
and on the other hand, what decent father would want to have kids with a new woman who despised and did not embrace his existing DCs

[thecatfromjapan]

[wordfactory]

phantom nothing would suprise me TBH.

In my family we even have grandparenrs encouraging their son and new wife to decrease support and amount of contact with his DC (their flesh and blood GCs)...