To introduce a traffic light system in my kitchen ?

[Wishihadabs]

Bit of background; I WOTH 2 days a week, often involving 1 night away, often Thursday or Wednesday. I do all the food shopping/meal planning and quite a bit of cooking /prepping whilst I am at home on Monday and Tuesdays. AIBU to colour code the food so they don't just help themselves to stuff I have bought specifically for something else ?

I am thinking along the lines of ;
Green sticker-yes please eat me up
Yellow- have some but don't finish me
Red- If you eat this you need to replace it.

Dcs are 9&7 DH is 38, but an eat to live person IYSWIM will just eat what ever is in front of him.

Quote puts it well.

You are putting all the responsibility onto yourself, and he is doing what he pleases with no consequences.

If he uses it, he has to replace, but I don't see why you should be doing his thinking for him.

So you have a weekly menu pinned to the fridge, where he can check if the chicken/ham/eggs are planned for a particular meal.

You have agreed crisp/sweets/biscuits in a jar or shelf, and another stash for picnics etc.

Before using up the last of the butter/cheese/milk, DH considers if it will mean there is none left for the rest of the family.

Here is the scenario.

[DH goes to kitchen to get a snack. Opens fridge]

Oooh, I fancy a bacon butty. Hmm. Wonder if the bacon is planned for anything. Will check.

[looks at weekly menu]

Ah, bacon is for the quiche on Saturday. Better not eat that then. Or I could eat it and buy some more tomorrow.

Well isn't that the thing-you don't have to replace, you choose to?

I agree with leaving them to it when you aren't there tbh.

XP
If you already have a list, and he ignores it, then he has to go to the shop. Or he gets nothing for dinner.

Ok thanks again. This week is a bit speecial as we are leaving for the w/e early on Saturday I have put all the snacks in a bag with a label saying please save for X. Ditto a packet of ham for sandwiches. The meal plan is on the wall for everyone to see. Will think on about getting DH to take more responsibility.

If he is that unengaged, stickers won't help, unless as I say the stickers say "Friday tea" or "weekend bikes" or something and he knows that if he eats it he has a deadline to replace it.

I can see that by going to the sm on Saturday and replacing what has been scoffed I am enabling this behaviour, problem is his threshold for tolerating crappy food because all the nice stuff is gone is much higher than mine :(

It is tricky though, cause once you have gotten into the habit, it is very difficult to break.

Sit him down and say that you feel like you are having to treat him like a wayward fridge scoffing teenager, and you don't want to be like that with him. Is he ok otherwise, with being responsible?

Then replace enough to make the meal that you should have had for you & the kids & leave him to eat crap

TBH, I would have thought that it was fairly obvious what is part of a "meal plan".

Our snacks tend to be fruit, yogurt, crisps, biscuits, cheese on toast, sandwiches.

And it is also a case of when it's gone it's gone.

The problem is you're doing ALL the thinking for everyone. If he uses up the last of something simply through thougtlesness/laziness which means a meal cannot be cooked then he can go and replace it.

We shop to menu, and very rarely have extra of anything in. If my partner wants, say some bacon and knows he's not cooking with it he'll ask if I have anything planned for it. If yes then he'll either have sometging else or use it and replace it. Isn't that just what people do?

In his defence. He sorts out all utilities, car insurance and home maintenance. Yes feeding the family and the laundry are my areas of responsibility.

But I bet you don't make his jobs harder than they have to be do you? Do you throw away important paperwork, neglect to tell him when things need doing etc? Thats the equivalent.

Just didn't want you all to think he is some sort of man-child in other areas. He went to boarding school and I think that has something to do with it. He would like to be told what to eat TBH.

Watch one
Do one
Teach one

This is how it goes here, If I am doing something, I ask "can you do this?"

If they say,"yes", then they do it, if they say "no", then they join me, I will show them how to do the task, then guide them in doing the task, then come back and inspect the task, advices on how to correct anything that is not correct,

I will take them through each stage of making a recipe, explaining what chemistry should be taking place, and why (caramelising onions), then they get to make one,

well that was what I did do, their cakes, bread, pastry is far better than anything I make,

we have a computer in the kitchen, they just look up what delia says on the subject, then have a look at another couple of recipes, get a feel for the process, they tend to use delia times,

clean before you start, clean up afterwards rule, this is key, or they will never learn how to do anything without using the whole kitchen and everything in it.

silicone oven gloves, oven thermometer, they use a timer on the computer, electronic scales, and lots of tins.

stop buying gack completely, none what so ever , if they want it, let them make it, keep a plentiful supply of raw ingredient,

mine can have a cake in the oven in under 20 mins from coming in from school, I couldn't do that, because I don't need cake that much, they do, so it's self driven.

they will soon learn how to make very tasty gack, (Gack in this house is sugary junk food)

there plenty of chopping an onion tutorials on you tube, there is a you tube clip for everything,

I never go in the kitchen when they are cooking, unless they need a second opinion, or something heavy lifting out of the oven, or a big pan of pasta straining.

I promise you they will get very good at cooking very quickly.

one of the first dishes my DD learnt was a simple moules frites because when we go out to eat she always orders it, so bought the ingredients, she learnt how to do the whole thing, because she wanted to know how to make her favourite dish, it may not be the healthiest, but she then went on to make more interesting things,

ask them what their favourite meal is, do it with them once, then they can do it next time, don't do it for them,

in this house if someone can't do something it's their job until they can, and if you can see a job that needs doing, it's considered rude to wait until you are asked to do it.

mine like to cook that way they control (they think) what we are getting.

Quote I think you must be much more laid back than me. I would find it realy difficult to delegate to that extent. I am already freaking out about whether we would be eating a balanced diet and the budget under your system.

OTOH I can totally see where you are coming from, I think I need to "let go" of this a bit....

It does come across a little that you want control over everything, perhaps being a little more relaxed about the food would help?

What if you bought a load of ingredients that work together and just make whatever you can from that? One of the first things I learnt to make was a tomato sauce, so for example with that as a base there are loads of things I could then cook. So it wouldn't matter if someone used the mince, I could chuck some gnocci in instead, or if they used the pasta I could make bolognaise with jacket potatoes instead, etc. Would that work for you?

Yes stunt girl killing myself laughing at the idea that DH would choose to cook some raw mince !

Honestly if I just left ingredients they would starve (or eat cheese sandwiches)

My mum had a shelf in the fridge and shelf in the cupboard that was food for her meal plans during the week as dad was mustard at just helping himself - finishing off packet of baxon meant for an evening meal.

If food was on those shelves, you didnt touch it. She wasnt being mean its just she didnt have the money to buy more food.

Dad soon learned when he got jacket spuds or plain pasta not to snaffle.from those shelves.

Well then they'll have to not eat all the food won't they!

What's he eating then that's so integral to the meals if he won't, for example, cook mince?

Bacon is a big culprit, also industrial quantities of cheese toasties (whilst working from home) for which he butters both sides of the bread, so frequently no butter or cheese by Saturday morning ! If we have an outing planned for the w/e I will buy a multi-pack of crisps/chocolate biscuits, he will give these to the dcs after school as well as having them himsel, instead of bothering to make them toast or oatcakes for them. (I mean putting cream cheese/peanut butter on oatcakes not baking oatcakes obvs).

It's also not eating stuff which patently needs eating, because he can't be arsed to investigate what's in the tupperwares. That's why I thought the green stickers would be useful.

I think the answer just has to be that it means there is no butter for the sandwiches, and no crisps/biscuits either! There's no incentive for anyone to not eat this stuff is there, as you replace it all anyway. Or just buy more, since you know you're going to go out Saturday morning anyway for it.