How many cigarette breaks while at work?

[Booboostoo]

OK this is driving me bonkers and I need some perspective.

I have a nanny/groom who works 9-12 and 2-5. She smokes which I knew before she started and we agreed that she would not smoke around DD (she doesn't smoke around the horses either as it's dangerous when handling them and also hay is very flammable).

I am annoyed that she takes so many cigarette breaks. Typically she arrives for work at 9am but has a cigarette break straight off so she can't help out until 9.15. She then takes another cigarette break somewhere in the middle of the morning and tries to leave at 11.45 to have another cigarette break (she doesn't smoke in her car, but only lives 5 minutes drive away so I don't know why she doesn't smoke at home). Same thing in the afternoon, has a cigarette break as soon as she arrives, another one in the middle and one before she leaves.

She smokes so often she now smokes around DD on walks - DD on one hand, cigarette on the other. She is trying to hide the cigarettes from DD but I don't see how this will work longterm.

She did say when she started work that she was trying to quit but that was two years ago and if anything she smokes a lot more now. I appreciate smoking is addictive and she doesn't have control over it and I don't smoke but AIBU? Should I just live with it?

A lot of gap year 18yos would bite your arm off for that kind of job, especially if they were going on to a French single or joint honours degree.

Can she/you wait until late June? Would it be too disruptive to have someone for three to six months at a time? It sounds like she's more of an au pair re DD anyway, so it isn't like you need a qualified nanny or nursery nurse, just someone who knows which way up a child goes and all the words to Twinkle Twinkle.

I bet anything you like there's a MNer with a DD who'd love that opportunity.

Horry, I suggested that upthread but Op said it wouldn't work

I also know several brilliant Gappers (experienced horse owners with riding/teaching riding qualifications) who would jump at the chance.

I seem to be making a mess of this. I said to her yesterday that she should not smoke in front of DD hoping that this would sort things, but she lit up while playing with her. So I brought it up again there and then and she said it was OK because she was holding her hand behind a tree. I had to be more direct and I said no smoking between 9-12 and 2-5...she sulked the rest of the afternoon and has just left without saying goodbye!

Ideally I would love someone who would stay with us for a while, a year seems like such a short time. When I used to work full time I had a part time groom who was with us for 4 years and this lady has been with us for nearly 3 years now. It would be so much better for everyone, including the groom/nanny, to have someone who saw this as a longer term post.

Obviously this is a generalisation and as such it is only made so it can be refuted, but on the whole I would prefer someone who has worked with horses and not just owned their own because that gives you a lot more experience with different types. Most young people will not have had that experience and I don't want to have someone else's child (OK older child, but still a young person)injured while doing my horses in another country.

Your choice, of course

it's not working so well for you though

I imagine that most people who fit the horsey bill don't want to take on childcare, which tbh seems to describe Little Miss Flouncypants (good riddance). I'm wondering whether a parttime groom and a separate au pair would meet your needs better? Or is that out for cost/logistics reasons?

Yes you are right Horry that is part of the problem. Our current groom/nanny was originally employed by us as a p/t groom (her first paid job other than seasonal work at tourist resorts round here). Then she said she was leaving for another career which after a lot of faffing about fell through. At that point DD was 9mo and I was desperate for a bit of help, so we asked her if she would be interested in a full time post to also help out with DD.

Obviously I am presenting a problem here which makes her sound awful, but she is not at all. She is also very lively with DD and very willing to house sit for us when we are on holiday (part of the original agreement) which is a life saver. It's just that looking after children is not her career choice and she is also spending a lot of time texting instead of interacting with DD. I do know I need to change things, it's just doing it that's the problem!

We have a self-contained cottage so can offer accommodation so one full time person would be ideal (or possibly a couple whose other half did some gardening/DIY). The flexibility of a nanny/groom is brilliant as well because if DD is quiet I can decide there and then to ride which gives me a break, but if DD goes nuclear I can take her back and ask the groom to finish off the horses. In theory we are TTC so if I was pregnant again I would need someone to take over the horses full time, although I am 40 and it took a while to fall pregnant with DD so that might never happen again.

Actually I know a horsey couple who would suit you down to the ground - both work/worked as grooms, and now have their own small DC (her DD and their DS).

They couldn't move overseas though I suspect because of DD's DF. Shame as I know they're jobhunting!

Ah yes it has to be someone who is willing to move to the south of France! Ideally they need to speak French or be willing to learn because not many of the locals speak English and it could be isolating otherwise. Also the cottage is only one bedroom so not suitable for a larger family with children. Anyone who has worked with horses would probably know this already but we're in the middle of nowhere so it has to be someone who enjoys the countryside which might not suit all young people.

How silly im a smoker and know the urge can be too much sometimes,if she does all her work, whats the harm. I smoke when I like at work, I get all my work done so whats it matter. If she smokes on walks with DD again no harm its not an enclosed space and DD will make up her own mind if she wants to smoke later in life. YABU give a little.

You don't say if she is French or not, OP.

I spend quite a lot of time in France & I do find that, on the whole, the French are more "tolerant" of smoking than the British.

Yes she is French. A lot more people smoke here, but there is some consideration, i.e. no smoking in public buildings, most people go outside to smoke even in their own homes.

Result! She arrived 10 minutes early to have a cigarette (and mentioned it in passing) and didn't have another one while working! Thank you everyone!

Grim, get rid - YANBU

@pencilcracker Please check thread dates, this is from 2013!