To really hate the saying "took my kids on"

[Machli]

In relation to a new partner becoming part of an established lone parent family. "Oh he/she are really good, they took my kids on".

Just makes me think of onerous and unpleasant jobs or tasks that no one wants to do. "Oh alright I will take it on".

If you insist on using it then equally your children have "taken them on" too surely?

No one takes my dc on, anyone I decide to be with would be lucky to have them in their lives.

I am grateful my husband "took on" my children. Not because they are a burden, I am grateful to meet a man who loves my children like they are his own biological children and deal with all of the challenges step parenting can bring.

I never thought of myself or my children as a burden and I would never have married a man who couldn't love my children in the first place, but I am still grateful to have met such a wonderful man who loves my children and was happy to take on all of the responsibilities that parenting requires, plus the complications that can arise in step parenting.

The saying can mean so many things to the person who is saying it. My husband hates it but can't really explain why either, but when I said it it meant nothing deeper than 'I am thankful to have met a wonderful man who is also a wonderful step father'

Nothing wrong with being thankful about that. Being thankful/grateful does not mean you think you or your children are a burden.

What is there to take on? Advice for me, coming to school things, teaching me to swim, ride a bike, lifts everywhere as a teenager, boundaries, shifting my stuff everytime I moved, emergency cash transfers when I was traveling, walking me down the aisle, adoring my children and just generally being a father.

To the point where nobody remembers he isn't biologically related. My daughter has skin issues, my MUM said to me, 'oh that's from your dad's side'. And then, 'oh! Of course not!'

He is my dad in all ways. My mind understands biologically he's not, but my heart doesn't.

i think it just ties in with sexist nonsense really

like wow what a grreat dada he took the kids to the park for a kick about for 30mins.....

wow wee

or hes done a bit of housework....

again wow wee

dhs gran said to me, is he good[meaning dh] does he help you with yourhouse work????

i said oh no its not just my house, we bought it together
that really puzzled her!

It annoys me a bit too, but none of my stepmothers took me on. I was positively ignored :o

But it hasn't been a bit of housework or a kick about in the park...it's been 34 years of parenting ...the good the bad and the ugly.

And it works both ways. A friend of mine is a stepmum, has been for twenty years. The kids call her mum...because to them she is.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the expression "take them on". It's a big responsibility and burden to move in with a parent who has children living with them, completely different from living with an adult without children. I'm a single parent of an adult son and wouldn't wish to be in the situation of being stepmother to young children. It's totally different from when people praise a dad for doing any childcare or housework and treat him like he's Mr Wonderful and the mum is seen as lucky.

As for the children taking the new partner on, well they don't. They get no choice and just have a parent's new partner moving in with them, so they don't "take on" the new partner.

Well there's the problem isn't it Jan that perception that children have no choice and so aren't "taking anything on" when in fact out of everyone involved they are taking the most on primarily because they cannot make an informed choice on the matter. That's what annoys me about the saying.

I think a lot of you are being over sensitive to be honest. When you start a relationship with a person who has children, you are "taking on" a role in their lives and a sort of responsibility.

It's just a phrase, not meant to be offensive or insinuate that their partner's children are a burden.

my kids are fairly easy. If anybody ever wanted to take me on, now that would a decision worth praising!

It's not a phrase I'd use or one that I've heard much from other people, but I don't think I'd be offended if someone used it tbh. It just sounds a bit old-fashioned, but to be fair DH is the sole breadwinner in our family now and so he does have full responsibility for me and my DS. I have to admit I'm thankful (but not grateful) that he's happy to do this, , especially as I was no longer eligible for any more financial support once I got married to DH (child tax credits/child benefit).

He's never tried to divide finances/housekeeping tasks in any way to minimise that responsibility, I'm on the house deeds even though he bought it before we met and we both have full access to the joint account. I've read threads on here from women in the reverse situation where posters have urged them not to do this, so I'm certainly glad that DH would never listen to that kind of advice!

DS is a joy to have around, but he does have SN so he can be challenging to parent too. I think that both DS and DH feel lucky that they have each other in their lives (and I feel very fortunate to have both!) I agree with others though that single mums/RPs shouldn't ever feel grateful just to have any attention from a man at all or that they should limit their expectations, that's what often leads to them settling for abusive or just hopeless men.