to be dreading being a SAHM?

[2margarinesonthego]

I've always worked (or studied, or both), and I'm going to be out of work soon (redundancy), which co-incides with the arrival of DC2. We already have an 18mo DD.

I'm not going to find another job that pays enough to cover childcare costs, so I am facing being a SAHM for at least a couple of years, and I just know I'm going to be rubbish at it.

Not only will I be rubbish at it, but I will be isolated as pretty much my only social contact at the moment is through my job, and we live a long way from 'home' and family in a fairly rural location.

My DD adores her CM and the other children there, and I will have to take her out of that setting (she is currently full-time there) to be at home with boring mum and a baby sister. I have no idea how to entertain a child all day... I know I am a terrible mum. I am far from her favourite parent.

My DH will be the sole earner and I am already hearing "I need to earn £x in August to pay this bill and that bill" etc which isn't designed to make me feel terrible but just does.

I am used to having my own money and independence and now I feel like I won't have.

I was planning on going back part-time for various reasons, but would still have worked 3 or 4 days. This enforced SAHMism wasn't part of my plan. I just want to keep my job and everything to stay the same.

I am losing a ton of sleep worrying about all this, please be gentle.

That's it really.

Well, first Of all, you're not a crap mum, and I'm sure you'll be fine, though I can quite understand your reluctance to be forced into being a SAHM if youd be happier with work in your life too.

I agree with most of the advice above. This does not have to be a long term state of affairs. Break it into chunks. How long til your oldest qualifies for her free hours of childcare? That will change the landscape. Many mums carry on working even when just breaking even with childcare anyway, so I would think seriously about that option... I did it when dc2 arrived and don't regret it at all. What about evening/ weekend work?

If you do end up not working, then look at how you can make life interesting for yourself as well as for your kids. It doesn't have to revolve around baby groups if they aren't your thing. Many mums don't want to do that kind of stuff which is fine- but you probably will need to work hard to build up a new social life

You're all lovely and so understanding, what you say makes a lot of sense. I feel awful for dreading it so much but I found mat leave last time really isolating and I can't imagine having an extended version of that with 2 of them to cope with.

I also feel bad because my DD has come on leaps and bounds at her CM and I know she wouldn't have done so stuck at home with me. So my second DD will miss out on this.

I'm currently paid a salary that I don't really deserve, and I wouldn't get that anywhere new, I'd be lucky to get 2/3 of my salary tbh. A p/t break even job sounds like it may be the way forward and on the bright side the minimum wage has gone up today!

My DH is a self-employed tradesman with his own business but he can't really do that p/t. He can't really only fit bathrooms and kitchens 3 days a week type thing, people want them finishing ASAP don't they. He struggles to even take a day off if DD or her CM is ill and it nearly always falls to me. We think of our money in terms of a pool and the most financially viable thing is for it to be me who doesn't work, at the moment. If his work dried up then he would be a SAHD and I would go out to work but I would earn a lot less than he does.

I just dread losing my entire identity which it feels like I will. And yeah I know being a mum is part of my new identity but I don't want it to be the only thing that defines me.

Working evenings or weekends would be fine but I don't want us to be like ships in the night, plus because of his job he is often out quoting or buying stock on an evening or weekend. I do need to get some kind of social life going once the baby is old enough to leave though - a course or exercise class or something.

At what age do they qualify for free childcare? I'm confused about that but it WOULD help me break it into chunks (great suggestion that, thanks)

There's some really interesting suggestions on this thread and I appreciate every post, thank you.

Hi

I hated my first maternity leave and was so excited to get back. My second maternity leave was much better as I was kept so busy with two children - time flew. Lots of toddlers groups, soft play.

I did return to work pt and my wage doesnt cover childcare BUT I love my job and dh works away so its real me time.

Look at tax credits as they might help u with childcare costs. The only free childcare is the 15 free hours for nursery.

At the moment, children qualify for 15 hours a week free childcare from the term after their 3rd birthday.