to not want my son to miss his 3rd day at a new school?

[DryCounty79]

Hi all. I would like to have your opinions on this please, as I suspect I am being a little unreasonable so may need some sense talking into me.

My DS is going up to middle school in Sept of this year. His first day is a Wednesday. My sister is getting married that Friday. I have no problem at all with that, she has a tiny budget and Fridays are much cheaper. I will be booking the day off myself. However, she wants me to book a day's holiday for my DS so he can attend the ceremony, rather than have my other half pick him up after school to go to the reception.

I wouldn't have any problems with this any other week of the year, but I am feeling reluctant to take him out of school in his very first week - his 3rd day in fact, as the title says. I don't want him to start off the year a day behind, and I think the first few days are important for finding your place in the class, way round the school, and friend set.

I also don't think it would make any difference whether he's at the ceremony or not. He's not a page-boy and has no role within the wedding (there are so many nieces and nephews, they reasonably decided to not have any of them involved to prevent arguments), so his absence wouldn't really be noticeable.

So, am I being a bit unreasonable? I haven't given her an answer yet, I wanted to take some time to think about it as I don't want to be out of order! I don't think she is being unreasonable at all by the way, she just doesn't fully understand how I feel as she doesn't yet have children.

Your replies would be greatly appreciated! Thank you :-)

He won't be missing the wedding - in a ceremony, as the bride you wouldn't miss one child. You would miss them at the reception when you had time to look around and chat, but he will be there.

I wouldn't take him out even for the afternoon. That early in the term, the children are all at a stage of finding out about each other, deciding subconsciously or consciously who is going to be grouping with who. Alliances formed in the first couple of weeks will probably persist throughout the whole of his time at that school, possibly for life! Taking him out for the afternoon will single him out as "different" and could have a negative effect on how he fits into the pecking-order that will always form whatever adults do to try and prevent or ignore the fact. The after-school bit is the fun bit of a wedding anyway, so arrange for him to be whisked to the reception the minute school finishes.

looking this is middle school not primary, so circa age 10, so they are unlikely to be having that sort of start-up.

If he'd only miss the ceremony and still attend the reception then why bother to take him out ?

I would take him out for the afternoon if he wants to go, probably mainly to indulge your sister - it is her wedding day after all. I can't see much harm to your DS from missing one afternoon.

I think I'd send him to school and then collect him for the reception as you first thought. First week at new school is very important for settling in.

I wouldn't take him out. It would set him apart from the others, even if it's only one afternoon, and that can be a big deal for kids.

I wouldn't even be discussing it with my sister, I'd be telling her. You're the parent, act like it.