To feel we can't complain about neighbours's music because our dcs are noisy too?

[Jacksterbear]

Our Dcs in garden today, running around shrieking and laughing. Neighbours are playing music unnecessarily loudly in their garden. Dh gets really wound up and wants to tell them to be quiet. I say we can't because our dcs are making noise and it's probably just as annoying so we have no leg to stand on. Dh says children playing in their garden is not same as playing music; he says latter is rude, unnecessary and inconsiderate. Do you think it is different? Should we complain? And/or should we be telling our dcs to keep it down while playing? We ended up coming inside as the music got so annoying (and I can still bloody well hear it from my living room ).

Sorry, but I don't think its different, noise is noise. Our neighbours children have been out most of the weekend shrieking and shouting and playing, and its just as annoying as loud music/DIY noise to me. However, if they were playing music loudly at night on a regular basis I would complain.

The landlord was actually really good Marj. Although I think the damage they had done to her house probably was quite a good motivation for her to read them the riot act. The house has now been sold so if the new landlord's agent doesn't keep them in line will have to go down the local authority route.

Unfortunately, Special there's no big scary bloke as I live on my own. Could try setting my small dog on them I suppose. Also I'm the only close neighbour as there's no one on the other side and I get all their noise.

They've been quiet for several months now so I'm being a bit less stressy about it. I didn't knock on their door this morning as I just couldn't be bothered. I did put a note through their door so hope that'll work.

I've had grovelling apologies from them in the past, so they know they're in the wrong. It's just as you say, fresh air between their ears.

Wow Marge, a lot of shouting in your post!
I don't know why you've jumped to the conclusion that I play loud music in my garden!
As I said earlier, I had music on, I could faintly hear someone else playing music, my neighbours had children out, someone was using a power tool of some description.
It was 4.30 in the afternoon, my neighbourhood was enjoying a bit of long awaited sunshine. No-one had to complain and we were all indoors by 5.30.

Phone the landlord the middle of the night.

I never understand this myth that children are allowed to be noisy, shrieking and downright irritating. When I've spent all week at work and want to relax in my garden on a Sunday, I don't want to hear other people PFBs charging round with super soakers, and the accompanied yelling. Trampoline, in my opinion are anti social and have no place outside a gym!

Agree with holly. id rather have someone playing music than listen to someone elses kids. they were enjoying their gaden you were enjoying yours. fail to see the problem.

We live next door to people who play dance music very loud when the sun comes out. We hear the barbecue being scraped down and think 'oh god here we go again!'

I don't mind people enjoying their gardens. And I wouldn't mind if the they played more mainstream stuff.
But it's the type of Music and the fact that it is far too loud. It just feels oppressive and as though we should be out in our garden.

We have lived here 9 years and have never said anything, as when we moved in I was 24 and felt a bit silly asking a nearly 50 year old to turn it down!

We are hopefully moving soon.

OP you did the right thing addressing it early as we think we've left it too long to say anything now.

Our next door neighbour has the loudest lawn mower in the universe. It seems like whenever the weather is nice enough for us to sit out in the garden and have a BBQ he decides to cut his grass and then we can hardly hear each other. He did this once when we had all the family around for a celebration

You lot who want to live in silence without neighbours who play music or let their children run off steam had better save up for enough land to not live so close to other people.

Put up and shut up ffs!

If they are still doing it at ten, ask nicely if that doesn't work call police

thorn sorry, i was reading a post after yours that assumed all the neighbours could hear yours?

and herrena its not about living in silence, most of us dont have the luxury/money/choice to live in a detatched cottage in the middle of a field in Devon. if only...... its talking about common courtesy, music doesnt have to be loud, just enough for the players ears.

children by all means should enjoy playing and the joys of childhood but they also dont need to be screaming blue murder all the live long day either. there are times to let it all out and times to be quieter. and that goes for adults too.

people should be able to do what they want in their own space, but not be forcing un -neccessary noise on others. nor should others force their silence . its compromise.

only skim read, cant you say to them really sweetly one day that tyou hope your dc arnt being a bother and do tell you if they are as you would hate for them to be consonantly disturbed?

maybe that will sink in - oh arnt they lovely and then they will also say same thing about music?

We have a similar problem in that our upstairs neighbours (flats) stomp around at all hours day and night (literally - think he's an insomniac). Its all floorboards here (Paris) so no carpet to muffle.

Thing is, we have a noisy, active toddler so I never feel like I can complain although when I or DS are woken up yet again in the middle of the night by the neighbour stomping its hard to bite my tongue. When we first moved DS woke up loads in the night and I always heard the neighbour and was mortified that we were disturbing him. Then DS started sleeping better and I discovered that the neighbour still got up a lot in the night so now im wondering if its actually his fault (partly) that DS is such a bad sleeper....

Anyway glad it got sorted for you! We've only complained once to the neighbour because he was drilling at 8pm above DS' bedroom. We felt it was justified and easier than asking neighbour to stop walking round his own flat

herrena and marj I think DH would love for us to live in a field in the middle of nowhere! He was muttering about moving house yesterday and I asked where he thought we were going to move to that didn't have any neighbours! (He did later admit that he was over-reacting and being ridiculous.)

Kids are told to be quiet nearly every bloody min if they're running round crazy in the garden that's great they have the rest of their lives to be forced to act with constant restraint. It can be annoying but so is at lot of things

Music is a different issue and personally I'm not a big one for crazy loud music but sometimes people should be able to play their music loudly. If you have an actual reason why you could do with it being quieter by all means ask your neighbour nicely,
"excuse me dd is napping/ I'm having a family reunion in the garden/ you had it really loud yesterday" etc fine but I don't really have any patience for "I don't like your taste in music so turn it down" or for "my kids have moved out so I don't want to have to listen to yours!"

I dont think you can compare loud music to kids playing but thats just me . We moved into a house last year with teenagers living next door and whilst I didnt wish to come across as a grumpy old lady their music was far too loud! I think some of the other residents complained and its now very quiet . Drum and bass at 8.30 on a sunday morning is quite frankly taking the piss!!

YABU I can't understand why people think it's okay for kids to scream their heads off in their gardens tbh. Take them to the park/soft play if they 'need' to do that

I'd rather listen to someone else's music than their kids screaming for hours on end but IMO both should be respectful of their neighbours and keep noise down

I find 'put up and shut up' mentality very odd tbh - how inconsiderate of others. I can hear neighbouring kids screaming in their gardens when I am inside my house with doors and windows shut and I don't think that's okay

Since my neighbours moved in we've now become used to very noisy rap style music, with appalling language everyday out of the open windows. I have mentioned it to them in a jokey way but they just laugh it off. Im no prude and my kids are grown almost but is it realy necessary to have it on all the time ???? I feel sorry for the very small kids living there !!!

I hate to break it to you but you have become a grumpy old sod!

I am a very considerate neighbour, have always got on brilliantly with neighbours. Partly because I am willing to accommodate them and any noise etc that may affect me. I would only ask them to keep it down as a temporary measure for a specific reason.

If you want to live in peace and quiet you need to go and live in a lonely desolate place somewhere, can't afford it? Put up and shut up!

You share the world with children, why the fuck shouldn't they make a racket in their own garden!

You seriously think that they should be taken to the park every time they need to go a bit crazy just so you can sit in peace and quiet! Get over yourself, you were young and annoying once you know!

I retract the old part of that statement, I used to live next to an 87 woman who loved hearing the neighbour on the other sides kids out having water fights etc, just a grumpy sod then

I don't recall charging round my garden screaming my head off for hours but perhaps that's just me.

I disagree with you that children need to 'go crazy' and run around their garden screaming but there you go.

Perhaps it depends on the size of your garden? I happen to think if it's a tiny garden and people can hear it inside their houses with doors and windows closed then yes it is inconsiderate and that children should be told there are other people in the world as well. I appreciate you think this makes me a 'grumpy sod' Perhaps I am because I do sometimes think this entitled attitude is being ingrained in some children eg those who scooter at high speed around shopping centres and so on.

I'm with you on the scooters in shopping centres that is dangerous.

I just feel very strongly that kids are expected to sit down and shut up far too much and the point if having a garden is that the parents can let them go a bit crazy without them bouncing off the walls. Not everyone's local park is actually safe to let your kids run about in.

Don't get me wrong, the screeching that passes for laughing in some children goes right through me too but they're kids, they're in school five days a week (bar holidays) and how often do they realistically get to play out in this country!

You could always turn your music up if its bothering you

that is what I do hence thinking OP is BU

I agree kids need to let off steam and should enjoy playing in their gardens but I also think it's okay to point out to them that there are neighbours so five hours of high-pitched screaming/trampoline-fest every time the garden is useable is in my view a bit inconsiderate if you have a tiny garden.

Ideally I'd live in the middle of nowhere yes but it's not always possible. I do think the pendulum has swung too far in favour of letting kids have no consideration for others in some cases and would tell my own not to scream incessantly in the garden because I think it's unsociable. I am aware this makes me a young-ish git