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To be annoyed with my sister....?

10 replies

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 14/04/2013 11:09

Hi, so VERY excited about this being my first AIBU post...!

Basically my sister REALLY wound me up last night and not sure if its hormones, sibling rivalry or that fact that she's just a bit of a pain in the arse.

Background is that she has struggled with depression on and off for years, but is one of those people who when she is well you will never hear from, does not respond to calls/texts/emails etc, but when she feels down she expects you to drop everything to speak to her. She's currently really well and has got a fab live in job about 50 miles away from home and has been living away very happily since last September. BUT...

Last night approx midnight (never in normal hours!) I got a message from her saying that she wanted me to find her a job here because she wanted to start seeing a bloke up here (she dated him a few times at the start of the year but finished it with him and has since had a relationship with another man who she also dumped twice), when I said that it probably wasn't advisable to leave a good well paid job with prospects to start a relationship with a man she had previously dumped, she then changed tact and said that she was homesick and was worried about becoming depressed as a result. I then sent a long worried message to which she replied that she would tell me the full story when she hasn't just taken a sleeping tablet (if it was that important why start something you can't finish?!) So I said please do because I will worry, and she asked me why?! I pointed out that she had mentioned becoming depressed again and she said that all she had wanted was for me to let her know of any jobs that would be suitable (I don't work in her sector, and am not job seeking myself so would not reasonably have ever come across jobs for her which she knows)
She then said that if I was worried I could call her because I never do (?!) and when I said she could maybe call me she said it wouldn't be until Friday as she was busy!!
So then I was really wound up, couldn't sleep for ages, DP says to ignore her but I'm really riled!

So AIBU for being annoyed that 1) she decided to message me with this at midnight on a Saturday because I don't feel I can leave it until the next day to respond in case she does something daft, 2) seems to want to dump a decent job for a bloke she hardly knows (she literally cannot be single, she is desperate for a BF), 3) that she made it out to be a huge deal and worried me by mentioning becoming depressed again but then backtracked when I made suggestions about how to tackle it, 4) said she couldn't discuss it until Friday?!

I think I'm mainly annoyed because I've barely heard from her the whole time I've been PG (I had a MC last year so she knows how worried I've been about this one but hasn't texted etc to check up on me) which is fine, but then seems to expect it from me! Or AIBU?!

OP posts:

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 14/04/2013 11:10

SO sorry, didn't realise til I posted how long that was! Blush

OP posts:

KatyTheCleaningLady · 14/04/2013 11:20


She sounds like a lot of work.


DeckSwabber · 14/04/2013 11:24

Is she a lot younger than you?


Isityouorme · 14/04/2013 11:26

She seems to be attention seeking to me. And selfish.


ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 14/04/2013 11:27

How can you find her a job?

She has to apply herself, get interviewed herself...

Or does she expect you to walk into a company and arrange a job for her?

If it's about looking for a job - she can use the internet like everyone else!

She's being silly.

And ignore her attempts to manipulate you.


Floralnomad · 14/04/2013 11:27

Firstly midnight on Saturday is not what some people see as late and hence she may just not have thought of that
2. It's really none of your business whether she gives up her job or moves as she's an adult and presumably will not be expecting you to keep her .
3. Some people use depressed as a throw away comment like other people say they are miserable and yes that is annoying .
4. She can't be that depressed if she is so busy that she won't find time to speak to you before Friday ,so stop worrying about it
5. Do you ring / text her as it does sound a bit like six of one and half a dozen of the other if neither of you bother to keep in touch regularly.


TigerSwallowtail · 14/04/2013 11:53

Has she been suicidal before?


Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 14/04/2013 11:58

Deckswabber - she's 18 months younger than me, but still acts a lot younger (talks in a baby voice, calls DM Mummy etc)

Floral - I see what you're saying, but yes I do try and keep in contact with her, admittedly less since I've been PG because I've had a lot of problems and it's quite demoralising not ever getting a reply!

Tiger - yes she has, she's never actually made an attempt but made serious enough threats to be hospitalised. I think that's why I'm so worried about seeming to not care because I couldn't live with myself if something I said made her do something stupid.

Thanks for the replies so far, I'm genuinely interested in everyone's opinions because I'm so close to the issue it really helps to get an outsiders take on it x

OP posts:

MsAkimbo · 14/04/2013 14:19


She sounds very narcissistic. And frankly, self-destructive.

IME, people like that will never be happy with what they have because they don't know how to be. And that's why they don't talk to people when they are happy; nothing bad is happening, how can they possibly relate? They're too used to being the victim as a means of getting attention.

With you being Pg, I'd limit contact. Guaranteed, should anything happen, you'll know right away. You need to focus on yourself and your baby first.


Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 14/04/2013 21:02

Thank you MsAkimbo, your post has made me feel better about the whole thing. You're right, I need to back off a bit and let her crack on with it! x

OP posts:
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