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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel such overwhelming love/protectiveness towards baby DC?

13 replies

hm32 · 14/04/2013 10:20

DH says it's 'over the top' as does DF. I'm not precious with DC btw - will leave with friends when I need to do other things, let play on the floor while I do some work on the laptop etc - it's more that I put DC first always when planning things, am planning to bf to a year rather than switching to formula, have endless patience with DC when upset etc. I hate it now when I watch things on TV where a mother has had to leave her kids or a child has died - it just affects me more I guess, but I rarely mention this to DH.

So - is it usual to feel like this? I figure it must, nature, right? DC is tiny and needs mum to feel protective...

OP posts:
Meringue33 · 14/04/2013 10:23

I'm with you

Stillcluelessat40 · 14/04/2013 10:25

It sounds perfectly natural though obviously depends how it manifests itself - if you won't go the loo because he needs you too much, maybe ott! I found I'd never known love and protectiveness like it. Unlike many mammals, think how dependent a baby is on a caring parent for all its needs. Bf for a year is not a weird thing surely? Hardly difficult after 6 months is all is well (what I mean is, usually hardest at the start). I think your family will not share the same rush you feel, and I don't think I'd bother explaining it to them if they are criticising you.

ivanapoo · 14/04/2013 10:25

Completely normal but what does your DH think is ott? Does he get a look in? Maybe he feels excluded or is finding it hard to bond with your DC.

nicelyneurotic · 14/04/2013 10:33

Sounds normal to me. Dad's can feel pushed out sometimes. Perhaps he's a little jealous of the baby?

Original poster
hm32 · 14/04/2013 11:48

Hmm, I leave DH with DC plenty, so perhaps I need to spend more time with DH? Problem is we have no family who can babysit so alone time isn't easy to get, esp now DC sleeps a lot less during the day!

OP posts:
Stillcluelessat40 · 14/04/2013 11:57

If you've no family around (like us) then very normal to not get out during first year of a baby's life! Don't think we have been alone together since dc2 was born - well, as in "out" together, alone plenty in the eveings!
Not sure what the problem is really?

janey68 · 14/04/2013 12:05

Your feelings of overwhelming love are Totally normal. But as your dh is saying you are 'OTT' then you owe it to him to at least discuss it with him and find out exactly what he finds diffiicult. It may be that he's being unreasonable but it's difficult to tell from your post as you don't really explain. Bf to a year and beyond is totally normal. I assume you get 'alone' time in the evening when the baby is in bed so cant really see the problem there. Does he want to get out more with you? If so, then find a local babysitter- don't use not having family near as a barrier, many people are in the same situation. Your life doesn't have to stop just because you're parents. You sound as though your life is very fulfilling right now but he's clearly not happy about something. The only answer is to talk talk talk and then work towards making life good for the both of you.

Apileofballyhoo · 14/04/2013 12:42

I also think you sound perfectly normal.

attheendoftheday · 14/04/2013 13:07

Sounds normal to me. Does your dh not want to put the dc first? I would find that odd. Having patience is a good thing too, surely? Bf until a year sounds normal to me, too.

I'm with you re getting upset seeing things on tv about mothers loosing their babies. I get very upset in a way I never did pre-dc.

nethunsreject · 14/04/2013 13:11

You sound totally normal! The men in your life might not have enjoyed such loving attention as babies? Maybe? Have a good chat with dh, but you sound totally normal!

Bibs123 · 14/04/2013 13:19

Maybe you do dh head in because you go on about it? Or because yoy wabt some sirt of recognition for it...

cory · 14/04/2013 14:43

Sounds fairly usual to me.

The sentimental protectiveness (not being able to see scenes involving children in a film) tends to wear off after a year or two: it's hard to live in a state of permanent emotionality for decades. Also, as dc grow, you get to a point where you realise that they are actually a good deal less vulnerable than you are.

A growing family is a place where caring and being cared for fluctuates as one or other of its members happens to be the most in need of care at any one moment.

In the meantime, it is important that you and your dh do manage to find some together that isn't just about dc. Hard, I know, but will pay dividends later.

sooperdooper · 14/04/2013 17:46

I think if it's effecting your relationship with your Dh enough for him to say it's OTT then you should definitely discuss that with him, and find out exactly why he feels that way, he's entitled to an opinion and surely wouldn't say it without thinking he has a reason to

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