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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel sad that i have no friends and feel like i never will have?

25 replies

princessj29 · 13/04/2013 23:09

I'm 27 and don't have a single friend. I realised today that besides shop assistants I haven't spoken to anyone but my children and DH in the past month at least. I moved away from where I grew up 5 years ago leaving old school and work friends behind and moved 4 hours away. I take youngest DD to groups but everyone here is so unfriendly and unapproachable - though I try and am friendly and approachable myself - they all grew up here and everyone knows everyone else. DH goes out regularly with his work/old school friends and it makes me sad that I have no one to even talk to let alone go out with. His work friends wives are all 15+ years older than me and have been in a close group for years and don't even talk to me at the Christmas do. His school friends are mostly still single so can't find any friends via them either. I just don't see how you make friends as an adult - I work for myself from home so no opportunities there. I don't usually feel sorry for myself so please excuse me, just feeling lonely and like it isn't going to change.

OP posts:

b4bunnies · 13/04/2013 23:13

talk to people on here. you might find some you want to meet up with. look at local mumsnet.

don't be down. your situation is becoming the norm for individuals in society today.

OutragedFromLeeds · 13/04/2013 23:15

YANBU It's a horrible feeling.

Could you try volunteering or join a sports club or evening classes? Maybe get involved with PTA or something at school?

firawla · 13/04/2013 23:15

that must be horrible!! there are ways to make friends but sometimes it takes a bit of effort. when we moved house i found some people through netmums local and facebook and started to make a mums meet up group, maybe even see if there is anyone here on mumsnet local.
you're never too old to make friends so don't give up. what about even any activities like exercise class or book club or anything along those lines? i know can be hard to get childcare and go though
do you still keep in touch with your old friends even though they are far?

NorksAreMessy · 13/04/2013 23:16

Hello princess, you poor love. Please keep trying and keep going to the groups. How old are your DC?

I found most of my friends at the school gates, craft courses, volunteering and at the gym (that shows how long ago THAT was) The more you can get out and about, the more chance that younwill meet someone on your wavelength.

Have you tried the MN local for your area?

NorksAreMessy · 13/04/2013 23:17

X-post with wiser heads than mine

OutragedFromLeeds · 13/04/2013 23:17

There are websites for making friends too, like dating sites, but for friends.

Roshbegosh · 13/04/2013 23:19

It can be really tough. Do you have to work from home? That is so isolating. Where do you live? Do you have any interests you could pursue like joining a choir or yoga or something? Something has to shift to get you interacting with people outside your home. Even walking a dog can be a start.

Original poster

princessj29 · 13/04/2013 23:25

I do dog walk but DH works shifts so I can't commit to any activity for me as I also have no family to watch the DC. Will try mumsnet local though thank you

OP posts:

grovel · 13/04/2013 23:29

Princess, it just takes time. I do feel for you. Dog walking is a good way to meet people.

seriouscakeeater · 13/04/2013 23:31

Hi op, chin up hun, some good ideas from the other two posters there.
It is getting common, people aren't as sociable any more. When I was a child and was with my nana, she would talk to anybody...strangers at bus stops,in queues, I hated it ! But she was very friendly and had lots of friends not that im telling you to talk to random people!

lots of people focus on there own lifes these days and its easy to get cut off.

How old are your DCs?, do you have neighbours? could you not get in touch with your old friends?

seriouscakeeater · 13/04/2013 23:33

oops xposted with a few. How about your dc doing after school classes? maybe a good chance to meet mums with same age kids..play dates....

reneaa2 · 14/04/2013 00:20

I am a bit like you, although I do have a couple of aquaintencws I see as often as possible (they are friendly but very busy with lots of friends and family if their own).

It is lonely but I do plan trips away to visit friends an family and these keep me going.

I also keep in contact by FaceTime and Skype. My ds loves talking to my friends' dc this way too an it really lifts te loneliness.

ConfusedPixie · 14/04/2013 00:39

Where are you? I'm a loner and in a similar situation but without the kids. I started a climbing group and for the first time since I started it nine months ago there were more than two of us last week! Could you start a group for a hobby or something? It's a nice way to meet people, or pick up a hobby? There are always knitting groups around and other things.

LookingForwardToMarch · 14/04/2013 00:45

Yanbu!

Im also 27 and in the same boat as you really. Dd is almost 2 months.

My problem is not that I moved though. I got out of a toxic crowd 2 years ago and just never seemed to make new friends.

I know it can be really lonely but hang in there, i'm sure it'll happen naturally

HermioneHatesHoovering · 14/04/2013 06:57

Try "MeetUp". They have all sorts of "groups", I'm finding it a good way to expand my social life and although early days, hopefully make some more friends

exoticfruits · 14/04/2013 07:11

How old are your DCs? ( asking because my advice would depend on their age)

WeAreEternal · 14/04/2013 07:18

I moved here a couple of years ago and although I have a few friendly acquaintances I only have one 'real' friend.

My DP and best friend both work away most of the time, and my family are scattered all over (most are within 50 mile radius though)

I used to have a large group of friends but after I moved and had DS I just lost contact with everyone.
Since then we have moved a couple of times and I never really had chance to make any lasting friendships.

I do wish I had more friends, but as an adult it is really hard to make new friends.

Where are you Princess?
Have you looked at joining your MN local?

teacherandguideleader · 14/04/2013 10:55

I am 29 and feel exactly the same. At school I was friendly to people and got on well with everyone, but was never included in a particular 'group'. I am facebook friends with them and it does upset me a little when I see all the different groups that I had one or two friends in getting together as I feel like I don't have that.

I also got the mickey taken out of me quite a lot at school because I still went to Guides - it was really uncool. I have made friends through Guides and get on great with everyone, but still not to the extent we'd do nights out etc - as they all have their own sets of friends.

It is the same at work, get on with everyone, but not in a particular group.

My partner is not a teacher and has had to work the whole school holidays (including weekends). I've spent the entire holiday alone. Still, my Guides should enjoy their camp this summer with all the time I've had to plan it - at least they appreciate me lol.

mrsrupertpenryjones · 14/04/2013 17:31

Have you considered joining the Women's Institute.

I know it's generally associated with old ladies and making jam but there are loads of new young groups springing up.

I'm quite involved with my local group and have met loads of new people and we have a fab time. It can just take time to find a group that's right for you.

Try this link www.thewi.org.uk/become-a-member

Good luck

chocolatebee · 14/04/2013 17:37

I'm exactly the same. I'm disabled and all of my "friends" cut off from me when I became disabled as I couldn't do as much as them, they never bothered trying to see if I could. my disability is my vision.

I struggled to make friends before my health problems so now I find it even harder. I only speak to DP, DD's and DP's family.

Mother2many · 14/04/2013 18:07

I'm in my 40's and feel the same way too. I have friends from here, that I chat too, but no one in real life.

Depends on your childs age, depends on my suggestions too.

I found one RL friend and hit it off great... Then found out she was seriously allergic to just about everything. I have never been able to invite her over. She also told me she has a hard time finding friends because of her allergies too. She safe in her own home, but I no longer "invite" myself over....so our friendship is dwindling.

I love camping. She's allergic to grass/pollen/dust.
I have pets. She's allergic to cats/dogs.
I like swimming. She's allergic to the chlorine.
I like outdoor BBQ's. Allergic to outdoors stuff, and she doesn't handle the smoke.
I love crafts. She doesn't.

Tough... I know!

CMOTDibbler · 14/04/2013 18:20

I work from home too, can't commit to anything because of my work, and we've moved around a lot. Though I've made two friends here (in 5 years), the only group I go out for a meal and a giggle with is the MN group and thats been brilliant. I am lots older than you though, so not a big going out person

Do a post on Meetups and see who wants to meet for a coffee

GibberTheMonkey · 14/04/2013 18:25

I felt like you for a few years.
Was very down and miserable
I am pleased to report I now have local friends.
We have a group of five of us who go out once a month to the pub and meet up for coffee inbetween
It's taken its time though but perseverance and talking to everyone I meet has got me there in the end

trashcanjunkie · 14/04/2013 18:37

Well that's just rubbish! YANBU and I really feel for you. I have made some really good friends through sure start over the years, believe it or not, and also by helping out at dcs primary school with fairs and the like. You may have to kiss a few frogs, as it were - but if you find one good buddy, it makes it all worth while.

Lifeisontheup · 14/04/2013 20:40

I feel like this, have moved quite a bit and changed jobs. I work shifts but quite a long way from home so socialising is difficult. I was thinking this week that I have no local friends at all. I'm going to make a real effort this year to make some friends but am a bit of a loss as to how.
My youngest DC is 16 so no school gate opportunities.

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