To go to a conference on the other side of the world and....

[DaisyBug]

...and NOT go to the optional lecture which my former tutor is giving?

Not to be rude or for any personal reason. It's just that I've already heard at least 100 of my former tutor's lectures and know her research inside out. The idea wasn't to travel all that way and spend all that money just to hear more of her. It would be nice to hear what some of the other delegates have to say, especially some of the overseas ones.

Does that sound awful? Will she feel I'm not showing my support, do you think? I don't want to upset her as she's my main referee.

Politically you may have to if she's your referee

I assume she's quite important to you professionally?

If she's your main referee, I'd go and take an 'emergency phone call' about ten minutes in.

You can't go all that way and not go to her lecture...

Will she notice if you're not in the lecture hall?

What would you do instead?

ParadiseChick, the conference splits off into options. There about eight to choose from.

If there are other options I'd choose one of them and speak to her and tell her how gutted you were to have missed her lecture and that you had to go to the other one.