Is this unfair on DD?

[Damselion]

We have 3 DC (DS 2, DS 4, & DD 7).

DS (2) has his cot bed in our room (it's temporary, we're moving to a bigger house soon). DS (4) shares a room with DD (7) but wakes up in the night and gets into our bed. He has always done this, we tried putting him back for a while but he just got so upset and woke DD up so we just let him. He's small and doesn't fidget so it's not a problem for us.

When DD was a toddler we were much stricter and she was always put back into her bed as she would fidget, she is now a perfect sleeper but she does get upset that she ends up on her own in her bedroom and the other two are 'allowed' to sleep in our room... Is this really unfair on DD?

I would probably praise her for being a 'big' girl and explain to her quietly that you don't really like DS coming into your bed - but that you know that if you put him back then he will cry and wake her up. Tell her that hopefully when he gets to be as big as her he will be able to be as grown up as she is and not be wanting to be like the 'babies'...

(Or words to that effect).

Agree with soworn. I might be tempted to put DS back in his bed, let him cry and fuss, and let DD into your room when he's doing this so she can get some sleep. Only if DD is "grown up" enough that she wouldn't get into the habit of it and want to carry on sleeping in your room though. That way DS would probably learn a lot quicker.

Thanks Sowornout, I have told her that DS isn't really supposed to get into our bed but that he sneaks in in the night and we don't want him to cry and wake her up by putting him back. I just feel really guilty though, as if she is being left out somehow....

I wouldn't worry

Our dd is 5 and we were strict about sleep. She's an amazing sleeper

Ds is 2, nearly 3, terrible sleeper. We gave in and let him in our bed, from midnight ish if he wakes, usually 3 or more nights a week

We tell dd how good she is and how tired ds is making us!!

As they get older I'd imagine they don't even want to share a parental bed!

Could you put your younger ds through with dd and have the 4 year old in your room in the cot bed. That way he may feel more secure and stay in the bed and if he doesn't you could put him back with less chance of waking the others.

Could she have a "big girl" reward for being able to sleep in her own bed all night. Maybe pocket money? Or a special later bedtime, or reading time before lights out?

Does she get to come in for a cuddle in the morning and get to choose what is on TV for being a big girl and staying in bed?

We let her sleep in our room on a Friday night and DH sleeps in her room and she reads later. Glad I'm not being UR in the eyes on MN, I thought I was going to get flamed for being horribly unfair to DD...

Them's the breaks - if you had known then what you know now, would you have done anything different? Unless you have a bed the size of a tennis court it doesn't sound like there's room for any more, so in the interest of the most people getting the most sleep possible you just have to do what you can!

Sometimes it's hard to be the big girl, she is still very young. Wasn't allowed into parents' bed at 9 (too big) and had years of sleepless nights as a child waiting for dawn. Never woke my parents though. Just be careful with her.

I'd go with praising her up for being a big girl and staying in her own bed.

I'd try and encourage DS to stay in his bed, maybe with a star chart or something.

If she isn't buying the 'big girl' thing then maybe get one of those blow up bed things on the floor next to your bed and let her come in and sleep on that if she needs to. If she sleeps well, chances are she won't wake and come in anyway. Maybe she just needs to know that she could if she wanted.