to put DP through my terrible morning farts? [lighthearted]

[KarmaBitch]

I love coffee in the morning but it gives me terrible farts. I have absolutely no idea why.

Poor DP has to suffer with it mainly on the weekends as he works weekdays. AIBU to put him through this on his sacred days of?

Then again, serves him right with the amount of it I have to put with off him when he's around.

What makes you have a bad case of [ladylike with a posh voice] flatulence?

Onions or eggs. The aftermath is foul

Chickpeas. I adore chickpeas. I am permitted to eat them sometimes but under no circumstances am I allowed the fartfest that is chana masala, unless I plan to be alone for the next 12 hours, in a well-ventilated area

I avoid dried apricots for this reason. I also notice if you laugh I controllable you no longer have a sense of smell.

"uncontrollably"

I know of someone who's uncontrollable laughter gets her farting like a good one.

Yes to chickpeas -also kidney beans, anything like that (are they pulses? or is that just lentils?). But my farts are silent and smell like roses, so it's fine.

I am on long term movicol for a bowel condition and oh boy it makes me fart.

My poor family have to listen to my tuneful backside and inhale its unfortunate smells on a daily basis.

If in other company - I try to hold it on but just kind of inflate.

After six years me and my dh still can't fart in front of each other!
We both go down stairs to do it which is pointless as I still hear it and I'm sure he hears me!

Doubt, I could never go off somewhere else to do it and I don't think he could either - we'd never see each other!

We are up and down those stairs often. If I have a bad case of it I have been known to sleep on the sofa downstairs too! !

Stuffing.

I swear one day I'm actually going to take off!

What is it with roast chicken? Is it just me?

Lentils. I have woken myself up trumping in the night after a bowl of dahl.

Everything. Pretty much everything. I'm sure that Norris McWhirter would be interested in my flatulence (if he wasn't dead, of course)

Any variety of crisps, the smell is vile. YY to roast chicken too.

DD2 always trumps when she jumps. I see this as a problem to her future career. Ideally she wants to be a pairs skating champion. Farting on ice - not good .

Roast potatoes.

Five minutes after eating anything, especially dinner in the evening.
Am deeply embarrassed.