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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh makes enormous faux pas

84 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 10/04/2013 20:49

Earlier, my dh decided to get some red wine. He was busy on the computer when older dc asked him to get our dd a bottle of squash.
I went upstairs to find it on the floor.. It looked very dark for squash so I went to dilute it as I only allow very weak squash. I then realised it was the bloody wine.
I ran downstairs to tell him. He didn't believe me until I made him smell it. How could anyone be so stupid?
He has recently been signed of work with depression and is finding it hard to concentrate and think straight but i am really disturbed by this and what might have happened if she had drank any.
I don't know what to do really.
I'm crying :(

OP posts:

MadameDefarge · 10/04/2013 22:12

just see how it goes. don't stress until you really need to. Its great he is getting help. Just make sure you do look after yourself properly so you can support him as appropriate, not so you lose out. Its a fine balancing act. But it sounds promising. and remember, we are all here to hold your hand when you need it.

trixymalixy · 10/04/2013 22:13

I think you're overreacting. DH gave cow's milk allergic DS cow's milk in his cereal because he was distracted. I tore a strip off him, then did exactly the same thing myself a week later

MadameDefarge · 10/04/2013 22:16

trix, honestly, do read the OP properly. Their family is in a bit of flux at the moment.

kinkyfuckery · 10/04/2013 22:17

What was your DHs reaction once you'd told him his mistake?

Original poster

Doubtfuldaphne · 10/04/2013 22:25

Disbelief! He just couldn't believe it! I stormed off for a good half hour

And told mnet, naturally!

OP posts:

MadameDefarge · 10/04/2013 22:26

well that is a good reaction. yes he fucked up. but did not try to defend it.

Original poster

Doubtfuldaphne · 10/04/2013 22:27

In the end I just if there's any doubt that you need to get better, there is none now
And he looked pretty sad :(

OP posts:

MadameDefarge · 10/04/2013 22:29

As the song says, things can only get better.

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/04/2013 22:29

What medication is your DH due to start tomorrow - i really think he sounds quite ill and he needs to tell the doctor what he did. With certain medication it can make you feel worse before you feel better and it is important the doctor knows the full story as they can give him something to get him over the first few weeks of the ADs which can be a bit fraught.

MadameDefarge · 10/04/2013 22:30

good call lucyellen.

SlambangSweepstakeQueen · 10/04/2013 22:32

Oh dear. Wine bottles (glass) and squash bottles (plastic) don't look very similar, do they?

We spent a holiday giving our dcs (then 6 and 4) a breakfast cocktail of all the different flavoured fruit juices in the local shop. Only problem was we didn't realise until day 5 that the grape juice was actually wine. (It was in cartons next to the orange juice).

I think you may need to keep a beady eye on your dh for a while. Good luck.

countrykitten · 10/04/2013 22:36

Not really a faux pas OP!

pedants anonymous

foreverondiet · 10/04/2013 22:50

Your 23 month old will not like the taste of wine so no harm. Even if she did it was diluted.

But you were U to suggest putting squash in a bottle. Not good for teeth.

Bottles good for water and for milk for small babies. Not sure why a 26 month old toddler would have a bottle? Thought the advice was to withdraw by 12 months? Fair enough for milk or water after that if they won't drink from anything else.

MadameDefarge · 10/04/2013 22:55

yeah. forever. I think we all know that. including OP. Not really the central issue.
And as I said above, my ds had a bottle until 5 years. only at night. but it mattered to him.

But really really not the central issue.

KathySeldon · 10/04/2013 22:57

We (dh) gave our 8yr old ds rum and coke instead of coke once. Ds drank first and said the coke tasted funny. Dh swiftly swapped the drinks over! No harm done.

Agree laying off the alcohol would be good if he's depressed.

I take AD's and they really help. Just make sure you say positive things to him all the time to help him. Good luck.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/04/2013 22:58

Hope your DH is OK OP. That must have been a nasty scare. I think it's quite a serious mistake to make, and you probably need to be very vigilant and keep alcohol out of the house.

Best wishes.

directoroflegacy · 10/04/2013 23:00

Told you OP, now instead of worrying re: your dh you can worry about yr dd's teeth!!
Ribena bottle could kind of feel similar to a wine bottle if you are v v distracted and not yourself??

MadameDefarge · 10/04/2013 23:07

Hope the OP is getting a good night's sleep.

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/04/2013 23:09

To be fair, i was showing my DD how to make scrambled eggs once and said, now you put the milk in - she said "mum, thats fabric softener!"

No harm done - but do get him to mention to the GP that he is very distracted just now, does he drive?

foreveronadiet i think you must be hypocglycemic making an inappropriate comment like that - have a i think you need it!

Ouchmyhead · 10/04/2013 23:13

Ah it was a mistake, one I bet he feels awful about! There was no harm done, and it sounds like your DH really needs you to be on his side at the moment and not make him feel any worse. My DP has suffered with depression, it's a horrible illness but with the right medication and help it can be sorted, DP has been off them for 2 years now. It took me a few months to realise he just really needed me to overlook certain things he did; if he snapped at me or forgot something I'd retaliate which would make it worse. Instead I had to learn to take a breath, and just let it go, if there was no harm done, I wouldnt make a fuss. I understand its a bit different as you have children, but this time I really think it would do more harm than good to make a big deal out of it. I would agree with the not drinking on the meds though, it can send you really funny drinking on anti-depressants. Hope he improves soon.

Unfortunatelyanxious · 10/04/2013 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cumfy · 11/04/2013 00:24

Did you check DD's mouth for staining ?

If the wine had been diluted, it would make sense, but I'm having difficulty picturing how DH accidentally poured a whole undiluted bottle.

Are you sure DS didn't do it ?

Original poster

Doubtfuldaphne · 11/04/2013 06:42

It was diluted and dd definitely didn't do it, he was upstairs :)
I am going to talk to him about leaving out the alcohol until he's starting to feel better. I can't imagine mixing AD's with alcohol would be a good idea.

OP posts:

Original poster

Doubtfuldaphne · 11/04/2013 07:29

Oops I mean ds didn't do it!
Too early to think straight

OP posts:

desertgirl · 11/04/2013 08:56

I have a friend who sent her DS (of 6 or so) to school with a bottle of water, just after a weekend of camping - where they had taken gin in a water bottle. Fortunately he complained that it smelled funny and didn't drink any. She was fine, not depressed or aanything, just in a rush. It really might just be one of those things and not specifially depression related....

Depression is very nasty though - please do look for some support for yourself too, and the best of luck to your DH in finding a way through it.

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