would I be unreasonable to raise my daughter in a loose CofE setting if I don't believe in God?

[suburbanslacker]

Have name changed for his as I'm expecting to get flamed and fair enough, bring it on if you think I'm a big fat hypocrite, but I'm really wrestling with this. I'm a life-long agnostic bordering on atheist from the point of view of actually believing that there is a God and that Jesus was His son etc. Wasn't brought up in the Church, although I went to a CofE primary and I would struggle to believe in this stuff being literally true even if I had been.
There are also a number of things that I find troubling about modern Christianity, primarily relating to teachings about the role of women and sexuality. I know CofE tends to be more progressive on these points than Catholicism or evangelical Christianity but still a lot of this sticks in the craw.
And yet, there's a lot about Christian teachings which appeals to me from the perspective of life management and general philosophy: I like the doctrine of forgiveness, inclusiveness, looking out for the weaker and more vulnerable members of society etc. I feel that although I wasn't ever raised formally as a Christian I benefitted spiritually and emotionally from having these things filter into my education and the environment I lived in. Also, I am attracted to the idea of community and I think Church communities are probably quite good for children as long as the teaching isn't too strident. And I think children benefit from having a "spiritual" upbringing with lower case s.
So, would I be a big fat hypocrite and confuse my DD into the bargain? or is it excusable to do this if you don't technically "believe"?

[BegoniaBampot]

no of course religion is not the only way to bring up a child with good values, no-one has said that. it's just that the church and christianity already has a structure which some people might find useful. for me the church is all about the community, not god so much. a place for people to come together, whre they organise comminty events, give support to people. it's not for everyone but isn't necessarily a bad thing whether you believe in god or not.

[suburbanslacker]

Just to be clear: this is not only about schools (although obviously that's a fairly big component of religious teaching.) it's about the idea of raising a child in a community which is associated with a certain set of moral/spiritual teachings. I also totally understand that you can raise a child with a strong moral code outside of or totally in opposition to organized religion. But religious communities give a natural framework to all this.
I am still very confused about this but encouraging to know there are ways to pick a path through this without having to be too dogmatic.

[BadabingBadabong]

I perceive most organised religions to be very immoral and would hate my ds to be guided or influenced by them.

[happyhev]

Why not just give it a try, visit some local churches and see if you and your daughter enjoy it. if not you've not you don't have to keep going so you've not really lost anything.

[lottiegarbanzo]

C of E in particular is, truly, a very broad church and encompasses a huge range of interpretations of the bible, some quite literal, others almost entirely based in metaphor. The views of officials, especially on issues of inclusivity, vary hugely too. Choose your church or religious influences carefully.

[mrsjay]

all schools 'do' religion some more than others you can not avoid religion in primary schools so where would you send her if you didnt this school , Yanbu it is a school and you can teach your child at home your own beliefs loads of parents who do not believe in god manage to do it, it is fine honestly

[mrsjay]

you can give your child a spiritual and moral up bringing with or without god int heir lives

[exoticfruits]

I don't see that it matters. DCs always make up their own minds-I can't think of a single adult who says 'I am a............because my mother was' or 'I am a .........because my teacher was.'
The more different views they come across the better.

[happyhev]

I don't think you would be being hypocritical as you've been quite honest about your views. You would be very welcome at my church.

[mrsjay]

what exoticfruits said I dont belive in god my children they are way older than primary age they are not influenced good or bad by knowing about jesus or god and yy to the more views children come across the better makes them well rounded imo.

Incidently DD2 got her year RME prize 2 years in a row but she still does not believe in a god

[CwtchesAndCuddles]

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. You can teach morals, mutual respect, forgiveness etc without religion.

I say that as a christian, I don't see how you can follow christianity without including God!

[exoticfruits]

I took mine to church, but they don't believe in God and they don't go. I don't see why people have such an obsession with children following their parent's beliefs. We are all free to make up our own minds. (and we do)

[stealthsquiggle]

I have issues with organised religion, and would class myself as an atheist. My DC go to a school with a CofE ethos (not church funded) and occasionally attend village events organised by the church. When they ask, I put bible stories in the same category as Greek/norse myths. I trust them to make their own decisions about their beliefs over time. In a rural area, church-as-community matters, and we luckily have a vicar who sees no reason to limit church events to regular church goers.

[Toadinthehole]

OP, I think you're overthinking this a bit.

If the school knows your religious orientation and is happy to accept your child, how are you being hypocritical? As long as you are happy to accept and support the general ethos of the school, I don't see any issue.

Like posters upthread, I wouldn't want to suggest that a religious upbringing is the only way to instal values in a child (although it is true that religion is a well-trodden path, and that values in the UK are by reason of history developed by religion). However, it is ridiculous to suggest that exposing your child to ideas about God is in some harmful, as if akin to exposing a child to pornographic material. The Church of England takes a very nuanced view on a good many moral issues and, regardless of whether or not your DD decides to believe in God there is every reason to believe that the school will teach her to deal with such issues in a sophisticated way. The CofE is not so much liberal as intellectual and respectful of disagreement in this respect - far more than other churches.

Also, learning something about Christianity in a meaningful way helps understand some of the traditions of the UK and also traditions of other (generally more religious) countries outside the UK. I shake my head at some of the absolute guff people come out with, for example, references to the theology of the Old Testament - which demonstrate no idea of the principles the churches use to handle it.

Finally, you mention being troubled by modern Christian teaching on women and sexuality. I think the better question is to ask whether you are troubled by CofE teaching on those subjects.

Yours sincerely,

Toad (child of one Anglican and one atheist, taught with his siblings at a CofE school, remains Anglican, although not all his siblings do, and was confirmed at the church of an openly gay vicar in the 1990s).

[hackmum]

I think the word "hypocrite" is hugely overused. You have mixed feelings about Christianity - you disagree with some elements, but you like others. It's up to you how you bring up your daughter - it's no more "hypocritical" to bring her up a Christian, or a half-Christian, if there is such a thing, than it is to bring her up an atheist.

Of course, if you send her to church, even if you like things like the Good Samaritan, not casting the first stone etc you may feel less happy when she starts coming out with stuff about how people go to heaven when they die (if that's not what you believe).

Have you thought of another denomination than C of E? Methodists are much more progressive about women preachers, for example. And Quakers are very much about all the good works side than the supernatural element.

[TheYamiOfYawn]

If you want to bring up children with a strong moral framework, how do you plan to reconcile this with following a religion you don't believe in? I do sort of see where you are coming from, and I actually go to church despite being agnostic, but it's a non-credal church where a significant minority of the congregation don't believe in god.

[catgirl1976]

I've been having this conversation with DH

He thinks CoE school = some nice hymns, learn a bit about bible - basic morality tales, good to get understanding of Christianity as Englands main religion etc

I think......but we don't have a faith. DH does not believe in god at all, I might in something in personal but not organised way, adults will lie to small child and religion should be taught as a subject not a truth, society more secular and multi-faith now etc

But it is a good school so am torn

[Toadinthehole]

I second what Hackmum says about quakers, but doubt the Methodists are that much more progressive - Anglicans have ordained women for decades now, and only a minority blocked consecrating women bishops - it will happen anyway in a few years.

[dizzyhoneybee]

YANBU, if it is what you want to do then do it.