Dd is 11 and in her last term at primary. Her class teacher recently left, so for the final few months they?ll have a new teacher. For various understandable reasons (demob-happy, new teacher, coming changes, funny age), there has been an outbreak of extreme silliness among a group of boys in the class who were pretty silly to start with. Dd and another girl has to share a table with them, and has been coming home upset.
Some of it is low-level: repeating things she says in a silly voice, throwing her jumper on the floor. Others seem more personal: one of them hid his football cards in her bag, then insisted that she had them, tried to get her to look in her bag with her refusing as she knew there was a trick, then shoving her aside and triumphantly pulling them out. This bothers her more ? as does an outbreak of willie-and-vagina type chat that they?ve also become keen on. She and the other girl were told to work together with the boys, but they spent the time drawing willies on bits of paper and showing them to the girls, talking about willies and vaginas and ?what was up their mummy?s bums? 
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Dd is royally pissed off, but blames herself for the way it makes her feel, and doesn?t want me to speak to the school. She keeps repeating that the other girls aren?t bothered by it. ?L doesn?t mind ? she says her brothers are like that. K just ignores them, and T seems to quite like it. I wish I was like that, but it just annoys me and I can?t hide it. And that makes them worse. It?s my fault.? 
I?m torn between thinking that this kind of thing is everywhere ? so dd had better learn to handle it before secondary ? and being bloody angry that her last few weeks of primary are being affected like this. The willie stuff is normal, I know ? but I can?t help comparing it to older girls getting yelled at in the street, pestered by blokes, etc. It?s a junior version of the same thing: taking what was meant to be a shared space and turning it into a boy?s space that has girls in it. (The girls have already spent years with footballs slamming into their heads in the playground, which was never sorted out.)
I have no doubt that dd is giving these guys exactly the reaction they?re hoping for, and (especially if the other girls are less bothered) they?ll keep right on doing it. Dd won?t speak to the teacher, and seems to be relying on the teacher eventually noticing for herself. I've tried giving her ideas for things to say to shut them up - "I can't say that. It'll make them worse." and suggesting that she can pretend she isn't bothered. "I can't - it just shows." I know that if she doesn't learn strategies this sort of thing will crop up again and again, but she doesn't seem prepared to try anything. But if I "rescue" her, that will further convince her that she can't handle it herself.
WIBU to reassure dd that I won?t speak to the school, but then go and have a word with them anyway?