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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off

24 replies

janey223 · 10/04/2013 11:53

Today I messages two friends from a baby group I recently stopped going to asking if they wanted to take kids to park this afternoon.

Firstly one didn't want to go to the park I mentioned but I said it had just been rebuild and was lovely but if they wanted to go somewhere else that's fine. 10 minutes later same woman messages back saying other one will go but doesn't want to go at 2. She knows that DS doesn't get up till 1.30 from nap so we don't go anywhere till 2, I say this and they decide they're going to said park and if they're still there at 2 I'm welcome to join them.

AIBU to be seriously pissed off? I invited them to the park and they decide they will go just them but I can come if I want? I don't want to bloody go now, will need to think if something else instead.

OP posts:

TigOldBitties · 10/04/2013 11:56

Its the park...

Bowlersarm · 10/04/2013 11:57

I think you're over thinking it. If I were you I would try and let DS have his nap earlier and try to get him up earlier so you can join them

N0tinmylife · 10/04/2013 11:57

YABU. I don't really see the problem. You asked if they wanted to go to the park, and they are. Why can't you meet them there once your baby is up?

pumpkinsweetie · 10/04/2013 11:57

Let your ds go for a nap after the park?

PickleSarnie · 10/04/2013 11:57

YABU. Why should they plan their day around your childs nap?

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 10/04/2013 11:59

YABU you wanted to do something according to your childs schedule, they wanted to go but have arranged it to suit their schedules instead. Either go at 2 or go by yourself.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 10/04/2013 12:01

Go after your dc has had their nap.
Not all children sleep when yours does so YABVU to expect them to fit around your child.
Put your dc down for a nap earlier or meet up when dc is awake..problem solved

RollerCola · 10/04/2013 12:02

The thing is, with kids your day never runs to a schedule so everyone has different timescales. You asked them if they wanted to go to the park, they said they did but 2 was a bit late (for whatever reason)

If it was me & my friends we'd do a bit of 'ok well you go up there when you're ready and I'll meet you whenever dd wakes up'

It's all a bit haphazard but we meet up, have a chat, no-one falls out...

Tee2072 · 10/04/2013 12:04

You are always entitled to your feelings.

But I think you are being a bit silly. It's the park. Meet them after.

Backtobedlam · 10/04/2013 12:04

Could you put ds in the pushchair to have a nap while you chat with your friends at the park? He'll still get fresh air and can have a run round before/after.

Original poster

janey223 · 10/04/2013 12:06

They didn't even want to go before I asked if they wanted to go and made plans together to go before DS gets up. One is a girl I used to do lots with until the other joined the group, we initially done things together then if one wasnt coming the other wouldn't then they started making plans and never including me. Haven't seen either for about 6 weeks and the whole idea was for us to catch up. Neither work or really do much it's not because they can't go later in the afternoon like I initially said.

OP posts:

Fenton · 10/04/2013 12:07

Yes, what Bedlam said - is it in walking distance? - A nap in the pushchair on the way there would be a great answer.

And I wouldn't worry - I really don't think they are being difficult to deliberately exclude you.

Bowlersarm · 10/04/2013 12:09

Also OP I would be wary of letting them know you are 'seriously pissed off' because if they think you are being a bit difficult and and are particularly sensitive they may feel it is easier to exclude you from things which they may plan in the future

Original poster

janey223 · 10/04/2013 12:09

Maybe I am being silly but neither mentioned anything about schedule, ones DS naps about 1 but will just fall asleep in pushchair, the other about 5 and same. DS will not sleep in pushchair until exhausted so would miss out completely or be ridiculously grumpy and they know that.

OP posts:

Rainbowinthesky · 10/04/2013 12:13

OP, you are seriously over thinking it. It's fine to have a strict routine but not fine to expect others to stick to it too especially when they have their own dc.

BadabingBadabong · 10/04/2013 12:15

So you never leave the house until 2?

Original poster

janey223 · 10/04/2013 12:39

I do if I need to but normally end up with a monster, or eventually falling asleep way past nap time (yesterday he fell asleep at 3 face down on his snack tray and then wouldn't go to bed until 10). If we're out all day it's fine but not if we go out around when he normally goes to sleep iykwim.

I was pissed because they know that's when he sleeps and don't have other plans for the rest of the day + we were supposed to be catching up with each other.

I get it, I'm being unreasonable. All my old friends have moved out/don't have time etc, and these two have pretty much excluded me lately. We live 5 minutes from each other but they never include me anymore.

OP posts:

soaccidentprone · 10/04/2013 12:42

I think you need to look for new friends

ThePendant · 10/04/2013 12:44

They are not that bothered whether or not they see you.
Sorry.

Bowlersarm · 10/04/2013 12:50

OP I do feel your pain as it can be hard and isolating with a baby at home. If if I were you I really would try and meet up with them today, enjoy their company and hopefully have a few laughs.

CoffeeShoppe · 10/04/2013 12:52

YABU for having a routine with your baby. We went with the flow, in and out at all hours to meet people, as did most of my mates. It was most irritating to have to wait around until a 'routine' baby had had it's nap. You have to fit with them if there are 2 who are ready to go earli8er.

pumpkinsweetie · 10/04/2013 13:01

I agree with bowler, let the routine go for today and have a nice day out. Routines are good, but you don't need to be so stringent with it. Go see your mates, put baby in buggy and have a nice day.

The more you go out, baby will get used to being in his pushchair and napping in it when need be.

Original poster

janey223 · 10/04/2013 14:24

Thanks. I do let it go some days but we're just back from being away for 2 weeks then I had a course yesterday so need to get back to normality for a week or so before I go mad with him running around me till 10 when I haven't even got the chance to unpack yet. I'm not a must go with routine everyday but don't chuck it for the park - days out zoo etc yes. This weekend when it gets toasty it'll be out the window but I need some sanity and some housework done to enjoy it.

OP posts:

fairylightsinthespring · 10/04/2013 14:36

It all sounds a bit schoolyard to me I'm afraid - who is friends with who the most and them "going off" together etc. You say they "know" your baby sleeps til 2pm but are you sure? I have many friends with babies and have a vague idea of when they might sleep based on their ages but not whether or not its movable. I don't think you are being U to have a routine as such, but you can't expect everyone else to fall in with it so either you have to just do what you want and deal with the possibly grumpiness of your DS or not go, and maybe try to plan slightly more in advance.

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