To be a bit uncomfortable with friend's behaviour...

To be perfectly honest, she sounds like a nasty bitch, nobody with half a conscience would be able to treat a child that way. It's emotional abuse. I would tell her straight out and be blunt about it. I would also tell her that I couldn't be friends with someone who is so abusive, hurtful and nasty toward a child so if she isn't prepared to sort herself out, she can fuck off.

I can't answer you on how to raise it with the DM, its needs careful handling & how she takes it on board will depend on the reasons behind why she is doing it,

my own DM was very much like this & I now as an adult know her to be an out & out narcissist & my DB is the classic "golden child" & me the "scape goat" which in my DM case was a behavioural pattern steeped in her own childhood & therefore no matter how she was approached, it would be unlikely to make any difference, probably made her worse, as narcs are never wrong - in their eyes that it - so you need to post more about your friend, or read up on NPD to see if it might fit with her & if it doesn't, then you might fare better by talking to her.

That said, her DS is lucky to have your trying do hard to redress that balance for him, I was lucky to have a lot of extended family around me doing the same thing for me, so as a DC my DMs behaviour didn't affect my confidence as much as it might, quite the opposite in fact.

Gawd I hate autocorrect - I hope that gobledygook makes some sense

Have you written about this before? Is the older child from another relationship? She doesn't sound like a very nice woman.

Bloody hell, that poor boy :(
The more you put the more I feel for him.

You must say something, what does the dad think?

That poor little boy :(

That's really really sad. A 4 year old is still a baby in my eyes. Do you know if she has any family you could confide in and maybe they could talk to her? A mother or sister?

That's so sad to read! How awful for that poor little boy, it must be horrible to be living in that environment. I know it will probably be really awkward and awful to bring up with her, but I think you should for his sake. What if he's just wanting some to stick up for him, you should show him someone is willing to put their neck out for him! I don't often feel really sad reading a post but that's really got to me. I hope you manage to talk to the mum and get their relationship back on track!

Omg, 4 years old, my youngest is 4 years old and I couldn't imagine how this would affect her.
This breaks my heart

Y

Please, please, help this little boy

Yanbu id feel very uncomfortable

feel so sad for ghat little boy . When I was a kid I spent a lot of time with an aunt who constantly told me I wasnt as pretty , clever , loving, friendly etc as my sister. It has had a long lasting affect on me and my confidence in myself. This has to stop . You need to approach it carefully and let her know you see whats going on and how it might affect the little man going forward. My aunt was more devious and only said these things when others were not around! I have cut all ties with her cos people like this only bring you down but this boy is defenceless ! good luck its not easy!

Some people don't deserve to have children That's emotional abuse, she is going to seriously damage that child. Call ss.

Or NSPCC on 0808 800 5000

Please speak to someone, it is emotional abuse - does this DS have a different DF ? - your friend needs help, her poor DS needs it far more - my DM blatantly favour my DB, but she would never have done half what your friend has done as regards punishments etc in your second post, that is just awful be young words :(

& try reverse psychology - say you'll take the DS to give your friend a break as you know he's winding her up & it will give her time alone with the little one - though I'm sure you know not to say that in front of the boy - she might buy it then

Good luck

This is really horrible, but unfortunately I doubt SS would do anything. It's highly likely that for your 'friend' to parent her children in such a toxic way she would have been parented that way herself.

I would avoid such a person tbh. It's awful for the older son but I don't see that there is anything that can be done.

If you raise it with her she will likely get very defensive imo.

I would Ask her directly, when she says those things, if she really bieves them. Say "I often hear you say that , do you really think your DS2 is more handsome etc?" And if she says yes say 'don't you think it might be a self fulfilling prophecy , telling DS 1 he is naughty etc all the time?" Then tell her what lovely boy her DS1 is and how she can be proud, and ask her what it is she sees in him that makes her want to criticise him. I would tell her that it must be v tough on him.

F**k this makes me want to cry.
You know the way they video people on tv and people are really surprised at their own behaviour. Well could you record the children in the playground, say things to elicit her comments and then let her see the recording and her DS reaction. You must must must help this child.

I have three children and I am proud to say, each one of them is convinced they are my favourite, and long may that be the case.

My eldest was my 'only' for 10 years, and during that time, we did develop a strong bond. It was shakey when she hit the teens and she even left home at 14, to move in with her Dad. Now she is 18 and has rung me at midnight, just to chat and comment on a pinterest item I had pinned. DD2 came so close to dying when she was born, of course she is special, she has (undiagnosed as yet) ADHD and is a handful but a 'mini me'. That makes her special. My DS is my baby, even now at 6 and always will be. My only boy too, so that makes him special (even though, once I had one girl, I was not bothered what I had).

Rambling a bit, sorry.

What I am trying to say is that all my children feel they are special in my eyes, but somehow, they all feel I love them loads. I am far from the perfect parent, but I am a million miles away from making one the 'pet' above the others and making another feel bad because of it. I just do not understand how a mother could do that.

As someone said above, is there a relative who could have a word, rather than it coming from you?

Cannot believe that someone would do that to their child.

My DS1 is convinced that we are easier on DS2 than him, and I have bent over backwards 1. to not be, and 2. to show him I am not. Over the months, I really want to show him that he is wrong when he says DS2 always gets more marshmallows than me in his cereal etc.!

Agree with other posters that I would read her the riot act. She is not only screwing up DS1 but also DS2 - he will have dreadful guilt/resentment when he is older. There are so many threads on here about how hard it is to be the golden child.

Mamma, am very impressed that you have managed to make all your children feel equally loved!

She sounds like a nasty woman and as you have known her for so long I would not hesitate but be open bad frank to her. Invite te older ds round and if she says that he does not deserve it you pull her up on that, it's emotional abuse and very very sad