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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu or too sensitive due to a comment made about ex's newborn?

49 replies

TrappedInsideADream · 09/04/2013 17:52

My ex and I have 2 sons together, they are 7 and 4.

Unfortunately he doesn't see them as often as he probably should, probably about every other weekend. We broke up about 2 years ago and he moved on very quickly.

His girlfriend is pregnant and has literally just given birth to their daughter.

I saw that someone who a congratulations on ex's Facebook and the ex commented saying - yes now DP is a proper man now he can make a girl.

I don't know if it's stupid to be upset by such a comment, it just seems a little dismissive.

I think I'm also slightly worried that a new baby could and will most certainly mean less time with our children.

OP posts:

Ouchmyhead · 09/04/2013 18:13

What she said doesn't even make sense, just rise above it! You are not being unreasonable, but she's just insecure

hiddenhome · 09/04/2013 18:14

Any fool can father a child, but only a real man will be there for them instead of hooking up with bitchy, spiteful little bints.

Ouchmyhead · 09/04/2013 18:15

Posted too soon! She's just insecure, and is using Facebook to make stupid comments, knowing you'll read them! Don't let it upset you, let them carry on with their silly childish comments!

dizzyhoneybee · 09/04/2013 18:16

Ignore it and block her on FB so you don't see her daft comments again.

SmellieWellies · 09/04/2013 18:18

Oh Dangerous how terribly sad and upsetting for your DS.

BruthasTortoise · 09/04/2013 18:20

Honestly OP is it a "thing", there's loads of merchandise and FB pages devoted to "real men make girls". It's offensive to parents of sons and it feeds into the negative stereotypes of having baby boys but it might not necessarily be aimed at you. Its like the whole idea of having a boy and girl are a "perfect" family as if two the same sex or an only is an imperfect family. It was thoughtless of her but it might not be anything more than thoughtlessness.

garlicballs · 09/04/2013 18:20

I'm on the side of meh. It's just one of those sayings people repeat without really meaning anything. All it means is he has boys, now he's got a girl too.

theonewiththenoisychild · 09/04/2013 18:24

I have heard this said a lot its usually just a joke I would just try and shrug it off and enjoy your boys they are a lot less trouble than girls imo

kinkyfuckery · 09/04/2013 18:28

Just a saying, don't take it to heart.

My exH made two girls, but he certainly isn't a real man

AmberLeaf · 09/04/2013 18:37

It may just be a saying, but its the sort of saying that anyone with an ounce of sensitivity would say!

She is possibly insecure as some in her position can be. She needs to make a 'thing' of how special their child is, as if every child isn't special anyway!

Maybe a stupid throwaway comment, but she should have thought about it first.

Id hide him on FB if I were you.

MusicalEndorphins · 09/04/2013 18:57

That is a stupid saying, I have never heard of it before. I googled it

You could add Anyone-Can-Be-A-Father-But-It-Takes-A-Real-Man-To-Be-A-Dad facebook page to your "Likes".

Original poster

TrappedInsideADream · 09/04/2013 19:00

I've never heard of that saying before.

But anyways ...

Thanks to everyone for being so lovely. I was worried I was being totally ridiculous.

OP posts:

TooYappy · 09/04/2013 19:12

I've heard it, it's a very silly comment right up there with

Have a girl you have her for life have a boy until he takes a wife.

I have 2 boys

Sorry Facebook annoys the shit out of me with people and the silly pages and it's no doubt all for you

I unfriended anyone who had my STBXH has a 'friend' and blocked him and his g.friend, so now they have to use fake names to 'get to me'

People use facebook to get at their ex's all the time, don't give him the brain space, with regard to him seeing less of your Dss, he isn't doing very well atm anyway is he? I would get something more consistent put in place tbh, it isn't fair him dipping in and out of their lives 'when he can be bothered', sadly it is not uncommon.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 09/04/2013 19:14

That's a crap saying.

In future I would stay away from their Facebook. Sometimes exes and Facebook are not a good mix.

Molehillmountain · 09/04/2013 19:24

Rubbish saying. I have had my oversensitive times over stuff like that-dh doesn't produce sperm at all so the whole "he shoots he scores" phrase used to bother me. Then I realised that it's very strange to congratulate someone for producing cells! Your ex p's girlfriend is using a phrase that came from a time when girls were commiserated and was actually a nice softening of it and turned it around to (not very effectively) conceal her envy and insecurity about your ex's other lovely children. Sounds as if they're made for each other.

CheungFun · 09/04/2013 19:31

Yuck, I'd never heard of this saying before!

I can definitely see why you're unhappy about it, but as other posters have said, it's better to just wish them well and say how beautiful their new daughter is etc., you will have the moral high ground!

Your ex will have to explain to your sons if he does see them less, children have a bad habit of asking 'why haven't we seen you for ages Dad?' ;) As hard as it is, it's best to try to be impartial for your boys sake.

CheungFun · 09/04/2013 19:32

Sorry posted too soon! Your sons will know you are always there for them even if their Dad isn't and they will realise this for themselves if he doesn't put in the effort he should with them.

McPheetStink · 09/04/2013 19:34

I've never heard that saying before either. But I can assure, having an ex who has made 3 girls, and he will never be a man

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 09/04/2013 19:35

For her to write some thing like that in response to a benign congratulations comment, is so cringeworthy, that you really can do nothing but pity her.

Plomdenume is 100% right - you'd have to be desperately insecure and threatened to write something like that in the wake of the birth of your first child...

Please don't let it get to you. All is clearly not rosy in their little garden; that comment belies so much. Here's hoping all of his children have a father worthy of the title.

LalyRawr · 09/04/2013 19:37

My Foster Dad used to say that 'It takes a real man to make a girl.' Though I think it was more to do with the fact he had five daughters!

I think the problem with comments online, be it on Facebook, twitter or even on here, is that it is hard to tell the tone. She may have meant it in a malicious, vindictive way, or she may have meant it as light hearted banter in regards to that quote.

Either way, don't give it another thought. You sons have you, that's what is important.

SarahAndFuck · 09/04/2013 19:41

I have never heard that saying before.

Real man don't run out on their children and do their best to see them regularly.

And real men don't impregnate silly girls who use their newborns to score points on Facebook against their partners other children.

Thewhingingdefective · 09/04/2013 19:43

What a fucking silly thing to say. YANBU. Her comment, although flippant, was disrespectful.

SanityClause · 09/04/2013 19:51

I think it's supposed to be a consolation to men when they've had a daughter, rather than a son.

Which really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

ParsleyTheLioness · 09/04/2013 19:54

Not nice. YANBU. Also, I have a dd, and it is not true. Her father is a bit of a knob really.

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