To think that we can't all be responsible for our success in life?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Just been watching the programmes on Margaret Thatcher. In theory it would be wonderful if we were all completely responsible for our progress in life but there are so many factors at play. It depends on the family we are born into and the economic status/class of that family and their attitude to education. It depends on if we have experienced trauma or not, it depends on our mental and physical health. It depends on our passions, hobbies and interests. If we start a business , how it will do depnds on supply and demand and what other people want. It is not always a given that how hard we work is oin proportion to our finincial success. True, there are many things that we can be responsible for but I have had several set backs that weren't 100% my fault. So I can't completely agree. I think complete state dependancy isn't right either but there is a middle ground.

I would agree, permenantly. My idea of success has changed as life has thrown me the unexpected....I'm never going to be the high earner my parents hoped for and while at one time I measured myself by that "failure" I don't anymore.

I do feel though, that there are people out there who do judge a little too easily and suggest that people simply aren't trying hard enough. From a distance everyone's choices seem simple.

I'm reminded of the odd posting I've seen here within childbirth where it's just gone tits up for the poor mum who is now trying to deal with how she's feeling and some "helpful" poster comes along and says she simply didnt' try hard enough.

YANBU.

That's a great and very inspiring story, nokids, and your friend sounds amazing - but again, even sheer determination can't overcome some things.

Thermalsinapril (and 90% of the rest of the posters on this thread)

Why are you all measuring success by what other people think of you? Success is what YOU decide is success. Not what other people decide. There is nothing to be gained by feeling you have no control over your own life outcomes. Life is appallingly hard for some people. I'm very disappointed that so many people assume therefore that these people cannot be successful.

Empower yourselves. Choose your own successes (whatever you want, however small) and enjoy them.

Where does something like depression fit into it?

Not the persons fault that their illness makes it impossible to claw their way out.

YADNBU

Choose your own successes (whatever you want, however small) and enjoy them.

This. It took me a very long time to get to this point. I felt like an utter failure for a long time.

I said something similar on another thread the other day. I am not a high flyer but we have a comfortable life with decent jobs. Personally not interested in more "success", by which I mean money, than that.
Anyway I acknowledge that most of that is luck. I was born quite clever. We lived in an area with good schools. My parents were not wealthy but they were loving and did not hinder me from university, no major illnesses for me or them. The only thing I can take any credit for is being sensible and doing a bit of work at school. Even being sensible is probably due to upbringing. I think we shouldn't be too smug about "achievements". For most there's a lot of luck.

I'm not sure i agree OP. somebody very close to me grew up with practically every disadvantage imaginable. The have made a huge success of their lives.

I was given many priveledges including an amazing education but due to poor life choices which I believe are partly due to mental health problems I have actually been downwardly mobile. I do feel that some of my experiences have increased my drive whereas other experiences have crushed them. On average I AM very average in the scheme of things.

I agree that there is a middle ground, no one can be 100% responsible for all their success, or their lack of success.

I don't think anyone is completely helpless in every area of their lives, but there are very few people who are completely successful in every area of their lives.

If a person gets to the point where they are failing with everything in life, then they probably are significantly responsible for that.

"Where does something like depression fit into it? Not the persons fault that their illness makes it impossible to claw their way out."

AgentZigzag that's so true. That's one of the things I was thinking of when I mentioned factors which other people might not know about (or understand).

superstar I'm sorry to hear you've suffered from mental health problems. Those are/were not your fault at all and you're doing the best you can.