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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or is my neighbour?

156 replies

MsBella · 08/04/2013 20:13

Its quarter past 8pm and I'm outside sawing wood on the grass and chucking it onto the patio, also using an axe to chop some logs etc etc etc. She just came to the fence all 'what on earth is all the noise!?' I said I'm just doing this and got back on with it. She was still standing there looking.... bewildered and shocked and told me it was too loud and she 'wants to sleep' but ffs I don't see how I can be quiter. Anyway I told her 'well I don't see how I can be quiter sorry' and got back on with it, she was pissed off

OP posts:
Original poster
MsBella · 10/04/2013 02:07

Jesus christ what..? How judgemental and you do not know me! If you had read this thread you'd probably understand. And no I do not only care about myself, I care greatly about others but how would you know that...
What do you want? My kids to be cold with no hot water, midnitescribbler?

OP posts:
Original poster
MsBella · 10/04/2013 02:14

Instead of 'suspecting' how about you read what actually happened so you actually know... it isn't hard.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 10/04/2013 03:05

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
MsBella · 10/04/2013 03:09

Midnitescrubber we were out all day ffs! I had no choice... obviously.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 10/04/2013 03:12

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Original poster
MsBella · 10/04/2013 03:15

It takes hours and its fucking hard work, I have DCs to look after also and other things to do, walking miles carrying a load of wood and a toddler in a back sling back and forward to get more wood then sawing and chopping it which is bloody hard aswell especially thick logs
My fire burns pretty hot so I have to keep feeding it, by the end of the evening I've always got less than is ideal

OP posts:
Sunnywithshowers · 10/04/2013 03:48

Midnite I've reported your last 3 posts as personal attacks.

MrRected · 10/04/2013 03:54

MsBella - like your wood, it costs nothing to be polite.

You weren't particularly polite to your neighbour. IMO I think you could have been much more conciliatory. Yes, there is no real need to be conciliatory but why would you want to off-side your neighbour, just for the sake of it?

In these sorts of situations I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes before making a decision.

So if I were thinking of it from your neighbour's perspective, it would go something along the lines of:

  1. Perhaps she's had a terrible day at work
  2. Perhaps she's tolerated the day time chopping for such a long time that the onset of night time chopping pushed her over the edge.
  3. Perhaps she's ill or depressed.
  4. Perhaps she just wants a bit of peace and quiet.
  5. Perhaps she has to get up at 3am tomorrow morning and needed an early night.

Being considerate of other peoples feelings does not automatically mean you are a walk-over - I get the sense that you are standing your ground for fear that you might be perceived as such.

Original poster
MsBella · 10/04/2013 03:57

You know the last part is pretty true in some ways
Although I thought my reply to her was polite..oops!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsBella · 10/04/2013 03:58

Although she is a petty moaner e.g. I have nettles in my garden

OP posts:
MrRected · 10/04/2013 04:02

Fair enough MsBella.

Perhaps you were polite, it just came across that you heard what she was saying but weren't really that interested. A challenge of these types of forums is getting the tone across - I get it wrong all the time and often get a roasting Grin.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/04/2013 06:48

Msbella, you had a really rough time on MN yesterday here and elsewhere.

I suspect you were the victim of some people taking out their own narkiness on you.

AIBU is way over harsh sometimes.

Hope today is better.

shellbu · 10/04/2013 09:01

sounds like midnite is your neighbour lol .

Shutupanddrive · 10/04/2013 09:17

YANBU, 8pm is not late. It wouldn't bother me at all at that time

whokilleddannylatimer · 10/04/2013 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aderynlas · 10/04/2013 09:44

The nettles in your garden are probably keeping the caterpillars away from your neighbours flowers msbella, they are great for wildlife.

ByTheWay1 · 10/04/2013 10:20

I would not chop wood after 6 of 7 out of consideration to my neighbours.... some people work nights you know - maybe she was trying to sleep before her shift or after a hard day....

I really hope your neighbour is not a doctor/nurse/paramedic/firefighter/coastguard/mountain rescue/...... who works nights and upon whom my or someone else's safety may depend.

I hate it when the right to do something impinges on my right not to be disturbed by it....

You have a right to chop wood, she has a right to undisturbed sleep...

Would you be happy for HER to do wood chopping and chucking about at a time which disturbed YOUR sleep - say 4 in the morning just before heading off to an early shift or whatever...

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/04/2013 10:52

Yes..you are going to inadvertently kill people OP.

Please beat yourself over head now.

How ridiculous

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 10/04/2013 10:59

I'm glad you gave the extra info OP! Because TBH i was thinking you sounded pretty narky and rigid over something quite sortable. I guess the question is, how do you go from here. I'd still advocate reason over rudeness because you dn't want an escalation.

There may be no pleasing the neighbours, though

Original poster
MsBella · 10/04/2013 19:20

She works part time on some days in the daytime

OP posts:
crashdoll · 10/04/2013 19:38

Firstly, very annoying when people start threads asking AIBU and are not even prepared to listen to any opinions that contradict theirs. That said, Midnight was too snarky and OTT.

Secondly, you were both being a bit U - being a neighbour means occasionally you put with annoying noises but equally, sometimes we have to be considerate of others.

HildaOgden · 10/04/2013 20:41

I'm astonished at how much of your time is spent sorting out wood for the fire,between collecting it and chopping it.Seriously,there has to be a more efficent of doing it.Life is too short to wreck your body with such manual labour....if it was me,I'd take in a lodger or sell a kidneyand save up for central heating!

I have to save,it would grate on my nerves to hear the sound of chopping wood every day/night,and I'd wonder if you were doing it deliberately to piss me off which I'm beginning to suspect may be part of your motive too

Original poster
MsBella · 10/04/2013 21:10

Its good for me Hilda! And nope since I don't have a car and can't afford to buy it there's not a more efficent way
Of course a bit of physical work won't wreck someones body, quite the opposite I'm sure
And no of course I don't heat my house to piss my neighbour off haha

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 10/04/2013 21:20

Of course there is a more efficent way,get an electric saw and get the job done in much less time.

And no,I don't think you're heating your house to piss off your neighbour...but I do think you enjoy pissing her off by not making any effort to reduce the noise of organising that firewood.

Anyway,I think you've spent more time tonight thinking about this than she has,she quite possibly pities you foraging for fallen wood and carting them home,babe in sling,to chop them by hand.She certainly doesn't envy you,that's for sure!

If this was an unusual occurence,I'd say she was unreasonable.As it's a daily occurence (albeit different times),I'd say she was reasonable in her belief that A) it was bloody noisy and B)it was likely to go in for a while.

Anyway,you seem to think you are totally in the right so I won't waste any more time on this.

sleeton · 10/04/2013 21:22

Are you allowed to just help yourself from the woods? Aren't there rules AIUI if the woods/forests are privately owned and you take it (even fallen wood) then it is theft. If the woods are government owned (Forestry Commission) then you can apply for a "(Fire)Wood Scavenging Permit/License" which will apply to designated areas only.