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Original poster

To think that if you are lucky enough to have a baby that sleeps...

52 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 08/04/2013 13:58

you should be a little tactful about the amount of sleep you are getting when talking to the sleep-deprived! My DD is 9 wks old and (just like DS was) is very unsettled, especially overnight.
I have just returned from a playgroup and had to endure being told about how much sleep others are getting. With not a whiff of apology or compassion in their voice!
I was also treated to 2 wonderful gems of advice:
"you're very calm about this (DD was currently doing her usual screaming, feeding, screaming) if that was my baby I'd be convinced I was doing something wrong"

"you should definitely stop breast feeding her"

(Just to add, her weight gain is completely fine)

OP posts:
ParadiseChick · 08/04/2013 16:01

honeytea your suggestion is horrific.

JambalayaCodfishPie · 08/04/2013 16:16

Honeytea - your solution for apparently gloating parents is to scare them about SIDs?

Jeez.....

teacher123 · 08/04/2013 16:33

I have a friend who's DD is three months younger than my DS. Her DD slept 11-6 from 3 weeks, then did 7-7 from 7 weeks. And there were many many many smug Facebook updates about how her daughter was sleeping, blah blah. I remember sobbing that DS would never sleep. Now she's 8 months and teething madly and keeping them up all night. And I WOULD feel sympathetic if she hadn't been so smug early on...

towicymru · 08/04/2013 16:35

I know where OP is coming from. One Mum from our NCT group boasted from very ealy on that her DD slept through the night (I think we all made voodoo dolls of her at the time Wink. It turned out she meant her DD was sleeping through the night apart from when she woke up for a feed [hmmm].

TheCountessOlenska · 08/04/2013 16:37

Oooh MrsMelons please tell me what you did wrong first time and right second time - I need to know!!

Lonecatwithkitten · 08/04/2013 16:52

I always smiled quietly to myself and thought Karma. Everyone gets a 'bad patch' at sometime no child is 100% perfect all of the time. When they tell me now how lucky I am as DD doesn't do X or Y I remind them that I had my time when she was small and went back to work getting up twice in the night to feed her.

ivykaty44 · 08/04/2013 16:55

They may well think that they are sleeping soundly now - but wait until they lie in their beds waiting for the key to go in the front door when their teens are out and about - oh and don't think for one moment they will be able to keep them in they will sneak out through the window Wink

Creamtea1 · 08/04/2013 17:00

Op you should clarify what they deem sleeping thru to mean! I personally call it 7-7, or a 10-12 hour stretch. Whereas others have shot me down in flames and claimed that 12-5 is sleeping thru etc etc...

Woolfey · 08/04/2013 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McNewPants2013 · 08/04/2013 17:03

Bloody hate the breastfeeding reason, i stop breastfeeding ds 5.5 years ago and he still don't sleep all night.

McNewPants2013 · 08/04/2013 17:06

honeytea where is your evidence that statement could scare alot of posters on here.

BramshawHill · 08/04/2013 17:07

Honeytea; do you not think its nasty to deliberately make a parent worry about sids just because you feel they're smug?

hairtearing · 08/04/2013 17:12

The last 2 comments sound very rude,

I would ignore them.
I have 2 good sleepers baby-8pm-6.30pm
child-8.pm to 7.00pm

but I endure daily a 13 hour solid stretch of hyperactive child and/or rucky,refluxy teething child so swings and roundabouts.

Noggie · 08/04/2013 17:21

Sleep deprivation is horrendous. My dd1 was a terrible sleeper for a VERY long time but is now superb whereas dd2was good as a 6 month plus baby but less reliable now so I think these things come and go regardless of what you doHmm if you don't feel supported it might be worth trying another group as there is no point going every week and coming away feeling worse for it x

mumofweeboys · 08/04/2013 18:44

god I hate it when they blame bf. I have a 4 year old who was bottle fed and 2 year old who was bf and they have both had their moments. Currently they are tag teaming me. The 4 year old keeps getting up once a night and coming in to announce to me that he is going to the toilet wtf?? he used to always just go and get back into bed. The 2 year old is randomly crying 2/3 times a night for no apparent reason.

In few weeks add a new baby into the mix, I dont think people will ask me if he sleeps as my bags are already huge lol.

honeytea · 08/04/2013 19:27

It is a real worry of mine with deep sleeping children, my hv said that it was an advantage of very wakefull small babies that they didn't go into a very deep sleep and were less likely to have trouble rousing themself from sleep if they had breathing trouble.

I would say it as a concern not to whipe the smile off their face, as I said it was a concern for me with my good sleeper, to the point where I wake him for an extra feed in the middle of the night.

bumperella · 08/04/2013 19:31

My DD was a Good Sleeper. I didn't have the nerve to tell anyone who had a child of smilar age though, i jsut nodded sympathetically and made strong coffee/cake.
I say was because as soon as she hit the 7-mnth mark she became a nightmare, just when every other bloody mother got Smug with the "I must be doing somethign right as I've taught her to sleep through" comments.

MiaowTheCat · 08/04/2013 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catsize · 08/04/2013 22:59

Had a baby that cried all the time for months with colic. People wondered how we coped. This baby turned into a wonderful toddler. He is bright, inquisitive, energetic, stubborn and I love him dearly. He has only 'slept through' once in 16mths. Who cares? Why do we get so hung up on this? He was breastfed until he decided to stop at ten months, and so was fed more frequently in the night perhaps, but still wakes two or three times. We co-slept for a year,then he moved into a single bed, as it was delivered and he showed an interest.
Sure, we are tired,but wouldn't want to give ourselves the stress of worrying about it.
What is there to worry about if a baby doesn't sleep through? Always find it an odd discussion, this 'sleeping through' thing. People seem to obsess about it and are critical of us because we must be bad parents. Hmmm. If you're happy, stay happy, and don't let others stress you OP. Babies are good at knowing their needs.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 09/04/2013 00:50

Well clearly your HV is the font of all knowledge then honeytea and thank goodness you came onto a public forum full of parents who fret anyway and imparted her wisdom on us all.

I'm also glad you think that SIDS is a nice threat to shut smug mothers up. That'll teach 'em eh.

May I suggest you do some actual research into this before spouting anymore bullshit and paranoia anywhere else.

TarkaTheOtter · 09/04/2013 05:54

My dd slept 7-7 by 12 weeks. At 4 months she decided it was actually better if she woke every 1-2hrs in the night for a feed/cuddle. Now she is 14months and sleeps through a few nights a week. This happened to lots of our friends babies too. I would suggest that at least some of them are celebrating too soon.

BuntyCollocks · 09/04/2013 09:34

Shock at honeytea's suggestion!

OP, my DS didn't sleep through until 16 months, and has done so, barring illness, since. He is 2.2 now. Up to then, he was up once, if not twice a night wanting fed.

DD is 14 weeks, she had been a fantastic overnight sleeper since day dot. I had to wake her in the early days until she made up her birth weight. Now, barring illness, she has one quick night feed, and then sleeps til 7.

I'm the same mum. They're different babies. Smile and nod.

MrsMelons · 09/04/2013 09:43

Countess I am not sure if it was completely down to what we did, we will never know if it was just that DS1 was a rubbish sleeper and DS2 would have been ok whatever but basically we cuddled DS1 to sleep every night and would change his nappy and feed him automactically every time he stirred/woke (midwife told us to do this!!). It took drastic measures which we never wanted to do after he was 1 to improve the middle of the night waking (controlled crying).

With DS2 we put him down awake from the day he got home from the hospital, obviously the 1st couple of weeks were very erratic but he went into his cot at 7/8 weeks and could settle himself. I would sit outside his room and if he cried I would go in and stroke his head etc but never picked him up. We often heard him stir in the night but he could get himself back to sleep. With DS1 he didn't know how to as we had never let him.

TheBigJessie · 09/04/2013 09:46

Eh, my babies started off too small to wake themselves up to say they were hungry. After I'd got through the first weeks of having to set an alarm every two-three hours, in order to wake them myself, I always felt proud that my babies were big and strong enough to be able to wake up when they were hungry!

If someone told me their baby slept through for six hours, my genuine reaction would be "have you checked they're gaining weight?"

Perhaps this is why no-one ever did. They did whinge about how shattered they were after having to get up once in the night...

AmberSocks · 09/04/2013 09:49

tbf mine have all been good sleepers ad hardly ever cried at all (ds is 6 months and is yet to cry-seriously) and if someone asks me i tell them the truth,i dont think thats tactless.My friends baby doesnt sleep well but i wouldnt suggest she was doing anything wrong,all babies must be different.

if i had a fried who said their baby was waking every half an hour and feeding then screaming over ad over again i would question in my head if that is normal,it doesnt sound right to me,but suggesting stopping breastfeeding is just stupid.